For I Have Sinned
by Shadoobie
Summary: ((Feral-verse AU)) A story about a dog still trying to learn what it's like to be human. (Because I don't know when to quit. Rated M for mature themes, such as abuse.)
1. Chapter 1

**For I Have Sinned**

**Chapter One**

It was like being locked in an iron box just big enough for you and only you. It was full of ice water and steadily getting smaller and smaller. There wasn't enough room to breathe, no air in the first place, and your ribs threaten to rip inside out. Heart pounding, a roar of blood pulsing like the ordinance of a howitzer, fingernails cutting into sweaty palms. Limbs rigid yet pushing outward, eyes screwed shut, shaking so hard it physically hurt, Claire was curled up on the floor with her forehead pressed into the carpet in the dark bedroom.

Yun hadn't felt the tossing of her partner in bed, hadn't heard the whimpers or sleepy jargon that worked its way through a tightened jaw in the wee hours. But she heard the shattering scream that ripped her from a dead sleep. Like anyone suddenly roused so violently, nothing made sense in the first few seconds, all of Yun's senses were fuzzy. But it fell into place with a grumbling oath as she reached for the bedside lamp. Tossing back the sheets she rounded the bed, rug burn pinching her knees as she went to Claire's side.

With authority she pulled her up, leaning Claire against the wall and on her backside, keeping her shoulders back with both hands.

"Claire, wake up," she demanded. "Come on, darlin', ya gotta breathe,"

Claire's fists were balled against her face, her entire form shaking as sweat covered her from head to toe.

"Breath, ya silly woman! Claire!" Yun shook her, the ministrations growing progressively rougher. "_Wake up_!"

Before Yun could all but shove her against the wall, Claire's back arched in an almost inhuman fashion and her head thrust back against the wall as her hands gripped Yun's wrists. Her lungs started working at a frantic pace, like her eyes that were now wide open, hypervigilant. Tearful cerulean looked all over the room, maybe searching for some unseen assailant. When Claire finally looked at Yun she didn't say a word, but devolved into a heart wrenching fit of sobs. She fell against Yun's chest and let go of her wrists so she could anchor herself in Yun's cotton tank top.

Yun mentally steeled herself, putting her arms around Claire and starting to smooth her mussed locks of pale roses with her palm. "It's all right, darlin'," she soothed softly, "you're all right, you're awake now. Nothin's gonna hurt ya." She felt her heart lurch at the damp heat of Claire's tears through her shirt. And she was so cold, her own pajamas sticking with an icy sudor.

But Yun didn't panic. That was typical.

This had become their new normal.

The episode lasted a little over an hour, Claire eventually becoming too tired to keep up the bloodletting she couldn't control. Her body finally relaxed and she allowed Yun to push her back a little, just enough that she might look into her face.

"You with me now?" Yun asked, tentative.

Claire nodded, swallowing hard. She let herself fall back against the wall, palms against her face, pulling downward. "S-sorry."

Yun frowned a little. "Don't worry about it." She put one hand to the back of her neck, firm fingers curling.

The following silence was awkward, always was. Naturally there was a need to talk, to find assurance the worst was over, but what was there to say? Then again, the desire _was_ one sided. Claire's body language was so unapproachable, so tight, shut down. Yun's was the exact opposite, and she was aware of the difference. That was the nature of things.

"How about," Yun paused, gauging Claire's initial reaction to her voice, finding it neutral, "how about you clean yourself up...I'll put on some tea or somethin'."

Another nod gave Yun leave to stand up then offer a hand to help her lover do the same. Their paths split outside the bedroom door, one headed to the left for the kitchen, the other to the right for the bathroom.

They would meet again some twenty minutes later at the dinning room table, Claire now in a fluffy bathrobe waiting patiently for Yun to come and sit with her. Yun could see from her place in the kitchen that she was still shaking, her eyes a bit redder now. With a steadying breath she brought a cup of tea over. She wasn't a fan of it herself and went without. She pushed the cup and saucer the few inches across the table after sitting down. Claire received it with a whispered "thank you" and took a testing sip.

"Again, I'm sorry." Claire pinched the bridge of her nose, eyes tight.

"And again, don't worry." Yun repeated with a little more push. "You know I'm here for ya."

Another awkward stretch of quiet.

Though this time Yun seemed to stir in her seat. "Look, I know you don't want me to keep harpin' on it but-,"

"I know what you're going to say."

"Then you must have been thinking it over," frustration was around the edges of the detective's tone, in the tightness of her tired features. "We gotta do somethin' before it gets worse."

"It's just bad dreams." Claire shrugged, arms crossing.

"No it ain't." Yun shook her head. "I've never seen it this bad. I know you've had nightmares before, I've sat through 'em with ya, but this is somethin' else."

"I'm not going to a doctor. Not after last time." Claire seemed to sneer at her, her eyes thinned and brow knitted.

"And I'm not gonna force ya for just that reason, but it can't keep on like this. It isn't healthy."

Claire put her elbows on the table and her head in her hands, fingers angled sharply into her scalp. Yun watched a tremor work through her, her shoulders hiking for a moment before she straightened. Her hands slid to drape the back of her neck, her head lowered, chin near her chest.

"You're right...but..._god_," she exhaled, "I can't handle this."

"Sure you can," Yun assured her, a hand on her shoulder, "you just need some help is all. Unless that's not what you want."

"But this isn't about what I want." Claire took another sip.

"True enough. Still, I ain't gonna push ya into somethin' that ain't right for ya."

"I know, but that doesn't change anything." She looked at Yun, seeming a mixture of angry, frightened, and lost. "I don't know what to do."

Yun hated feeling helpless. Poor girl was looking to her for answers, but she didn't have any. She was scared, and there was no way to comfort her, not that Yun could immediately see. Loving Claire as much as she did, it was like torture.

The detective would fret over it the rest of the night, while she watched Claire finish the tea and the two eventually moved to the sofa in the living room. Claire had an aversion to the bedroom after these fits, something Yun could never quite grasp, so they would curl up on the couch instead and put on some mindless TV to try and fall back to sleep to. It would work for the most part, Claire was more than tired enough to doze off once her mind was distracted enough to let her. Yun would surrender to it too in time, but not tonight. She laid there propped up on the couch's arm, Claire lying against her, and she let the gears turn as she twined the silken pale roses in her fingers.

Claire had every right and reason not to want a doctor. Yun wouldn't argue that to save her life. Her last trip had been a disaster and a half.

These last six months had seen Claire develop some trouble sleeping, what she described as "general restlessness". The specialist they visited seemed genuinely concerned in the beginning, that is, until he realized who his patient was. Then he became much more interested in the the fact that the infamous Claire Farron was his patient, not that she actually needed his help. It hadn't been a week since the initial consultation that the media was crawling after her like rabid dogs. And they were everywhere. They followed her home, to school, ghosted her whenever she was outside of her own home. The media attention had forced them, as well as Snow and Serah, to change their numbers and to move. It was a damn nightmare.

It didn't end until the doctor was slapped with a confidentiality lawsuit and Yun flashed her badge to a news anchor and threatened arrests for harassment. But the damage was done by then, and Claire's sleeping issues only worsened.

Since then restlessness seemed to have morphed into full blown night terrors.

Yun looked down at the sleeping woman in her lap, worry creasing her face.

"My poor girl, what can I do?" she whispered to herself. Yun didn't want anything like that to happen again, but she couldn't just sit by with her thumb up her ass. She had never seen Claire so debilitated with fear before, and it broke her heart. She couldn't do anything to stop or ease it, nothing to prevent it.

Claire had been doing so well, too, even when the insomnia first started. She pushed through it, found ways to work around it, to cope. Her grades didn't suffer, in fact she had the highest marks in her class on her most recent university midterm. Her moods didn't swing out of the ordinary, nor her appetite -be it for food or sex. Everything was within the range of typical aside from her inability to sleep soundly.

And now this.

Yun tucked against the back of the couch, resting her head for the first time in hours. She would gently snooze off and on until dawn, unable to really sleep for her busy thoughts. And for all that she still had no solution, not even the slightest idea of how to start looking for one. That is, until Claire exchanged the living room for the bathroom to repeat her morning ritual.

Yun went to her cell phone on her bedside table, hitting one of the speed-dial designated buttons before putting it to her ear. Shifting to her desk she waited through the trio of buzzes, listening somewhat anxiously for the click.

_"Hello?"_

"Serah? It's Yun."

_"Oh, hey, you're up early."_

"You too." an empty laugh.

_"Everything all right? How's Claire?"_

"Actually, that's what I was callin' about."

_"Did something happen?"_

"You could say that. You know it ain't just insomnia anymore."

_"I remember you mentioning that,"_ there was a yawn in there somewhere, _"but you didn't go into a lot of detail."_

"Didn't have a lot to give ya at the time. Still...ya think I could bring her up to stay with you a while, let ya see what's goin' on for yourself? I can't convince her to go to another MD, ya see."

A long pause. _"I understand, it's fine. But could you give me what information you have? I'd like to be as prepared as possible."_

"Yeah. She's havin' nightmares, ya know? But worse than usual. She won't say what they're about, but I'm sure you can guess, yeah? In any case..." she braced herself with a deep breath, "she's wakin' up screamin'...sweatin' ice cold all over...it's bad. Never seen anythin' like this, and that made me think of you."

_"Is this recent?"_

"Since that media mess, it kinda snowballed from there. Seemed to hit the worst right after we settled in at the apartment."

Another pause, though shorter. _"Okay, let me see what I can find. You two want to come over today?"_

"I gotta talk to Claire first, but the thought crossed my mind."

_"It should be fine, but let me know if your plans change. In the mean time I'll see what I can do to read up on this, hopefully I'll have something by the time you get here. Have a safe trip."_

"Thanks, Serah, I owe ya. See ya soon, then." and she hung up, all but tossing the phone on her desk as she spun half-way round in her chair and sighed. She was hoping that would help her insecurity, at the very least take the edge off of it, but no dice. Needing a new distraction, she shuffled into the kitchen to make breakfast.

Claire appeared better when she emerged, dressed and groomed for the day. She still looked so tired in the eyes, but it was better hidden now. Especially when she eased behind Yun to hug her about the waist, nuzzling up to her to put a kiss on her neck.

"Smells good." she hummed, lingering in close proximity.

"Seemed to me like a pancakes and bacon kinda mornin'." Yun grinned back even though she knew this was part of her cover-up. "Get any more sleep?"

"Yeah, actually," she hoped the answer was convincing. It was more of a "sort-of", to be honest. "Thanks for staying up with me."

"Of course. It's what I'm here for." Yun turned her head, neck straining as she worked to kiss Claire. "Do me a favor and set the table?"

"Sure."

Yun listened in passing to the clatter of dishes and the chime of silverware, mentally bracing herself for the conversation she knew would need to happen. Claire hated it when she felt like someone was walking on eggshells around her, going behind her back so to speak, and she would accuse Yun of that once she knew about the phone call she just made. But it could wait until after they ate, let them both have some quiet time together before dealing with the ugliness of the day-to-day.

Turned out to be a nice, casual sit-down breakfast. They talked about everything and nothing, just shooting the shit to coin a phrase, just enjoying each others' presence. Claire seemed to feel genuine comfort, even going so far as to smile on occasion during their aimless conversation. Yun almost hated to ruin it, scowling as she gathered up the soiled dishes and put them in the sink. Severity shadowed her face as she turned around, going back to the table where Claire still sat.

"Listen, darlin', I was thinkin'," Yun folded her hands, fingers lacing uneasily, "could ya compromise with me?"

Claire's comfort fizzled, diminished into uncertainty that lengthened her features. "About what?"

Yun shook her head after a moment. "Shit, I'll just be straight with ya. Would you be willin' to talk to Serah about this? I figured...if you could trust anyone it would be her," and she anxiously watched as something unreadable crossed her lover's face.

Claire's eyes went low and away as she lounged back in the chair. "You talked to her, didn't you?"

"Yeah." no use in lying, that would just be insulting. "But if it's not what you want, I can call her back."

Claire raised one eyebrow, finally showing her displeasure, at least that's how Yun translated the expression. The cop was beginning to feel the creeping guilt in her stomach just as Claire's features eased and she exhaled slowly.

"It's fine. I wish you had talked to _me_ first, but...I get it." she couldn't look Yun in the face at the admission, but that was the usual. Eye contact is rough when admitting you need help. "When did you want to leave?"

"Whenever you're ready, darlin'. The bike's all gassed up."

After a moment, maybe thinking it over one last time, Claire nodded before getting up from the table and disappearing wordlessly into the hallway. Somehow that failed to soothe Yun's insecurity, just the opposite really.

There was neither delay nor rush to the couple's preparation as they packed a weekend's worth of clothing and other necessities into a worn canvas backpack. Then all there was left to do was call work and school to keep them from worrying, and then lock the place up tighter than a bank vault. The two were on the road out of Eden by half past noon.

It would be mid afternoon when they crossed Bodhum's city limits. Serah and Snow had moved out here not just due to the aforementioned mess, but Snow was looking to get out of Raines Communications since Cid was arrested. He found a position that paid just as well with only slightly less benefits on the other side of the beach resort town, the company even offering to help pay for relocation expenses once he accepted. The couple quickly sold the two-story in the Eden suburbs late last year and settled into a cozy ranch style home in a gated community that was mere minutes from the coastline. And it certainly didn't hurt that Serah was closer to her dad.

The younger Farron would hear the roar of the motorcycle before her guests pulled into the driveway. She waved to her sister and former roommate as she emerged from the front door, waiting for the engine to cut off before advancing further. Serah hugged them both with a warm welcome and a genuine smile, showing them inside with little delay. It was rather warm in Bodhum today, so it would be much more favorable to stand around and chew the fat in the air conditioning instead.

Yun and Claire both thought to have a look around upon entry, this being their first time in the Villiers' new home.

"Not bad, Serah. You got the place done up real nice." Yun nodded, setting her backpack down. It was true, seeing as this new dwelling was significantly smaller than the previous. Still it looked as though Serah had managed to find the right place for everything.

Claire almost agreed, her mouth actually working to form a response, but was distracted by the act when something brushed against her ankle. With a smile she bent down and gathered up a cat in her arms. "Hey, Baha."

The animal relaxed and began to purr straight away, having held onto his and Claire's special bond.

"We don't have a guest room anymore, but the couch folds out. I suppose you'll sleep there, or would you prefer a hotel?"

"Here's fine, thanks." Fang answered with a nod as she shrugged out of her leather jacket.

"Fair enough. You guys hungry, want something cold to drink?"

"Nah, we ate on the way." Though Yun would follow Serah into the kitchen anyway as the hostess went about making herself something. Claire seemed more than content to plop onto the sofa with Baha on her chest.

The detective leaned against the refrigerator, watching the younger Farron for a moment with her arms crossed. "You two been doin' all right?"

"Oh yeah," Serah answered straight away, as if that had been an unnecessary question. "Snow and I have settled in pretty well."

"Good to hear, sorry we hadn't visited sooner."

"Not a problem, I know things have been crazy. And with Claire's school schedule, it can't always be as easy as just taking off."

"True." Yun nodded and smiled in spite of herself. "But...you find anythin' yet?"

Serah turned around, leaning back against the counter with a glass of iced tea in her hand and she sighed, pushing a stray strand of hair from her face. "I've got some theories, some leads, but I won't know anything definite for a while yet. I need to sit down and have her walk me through it."

"Now?"

"God no, not now," Serah shook her head with enthusiasm. That was the farthest thing from her mind. "Are you two staying for a couple days?"

"Through the weekend if it's all right."

"Of course it is," she swatted the air in dismissal, taking a sip. "But I was thinking we could take the rest of today and most of tomorrow to just hang out, catch up, you know? And dad would be happy to see you two."

"Oh yeah? Been meanin' to talk to Jack anyhow, so that works out."

"We've been planning an afternoon at the beach, you think Claire would be up for that?"

"Well, maybe-maybe not. Goin' out and bein' seen wasn't really her forte to begin with, but now..."

"I know, but all of us will be with her. Maybe it won't be so bad?"

"We can hope, especially if Jack is there." Yun took a breath, shaking her head as she exhaled and shifted to have her back flat to the appliance. "I'm worried, Serah, I'll admit it."

"I know, I can tell. But it's okay, I promise to do the best I can. And while I'm not a sleep specialist, I know people who are that I would trust with my life."

"Don't know how she'd take to that, it felt like pullin' teeth just to get her to agree to this."

"Well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. In the mean time, you guys feel free to get comfortable, and when Snow gets home we'll all have dinner together."

"Sounds nice. Thanks again for this, Serah. I mean that."

"Yeah, I can't help that I've got that whole 'I love you guys and you're my family' stuff that's been going around. The meds for that are still in beta."

Yun laughed, feeling only marginally better.

"How is she doing otherwise?"

"Oh she's great." Yun relaxed a little further with the minor change of subject. "She's wanting to double major. I'm gonna assume you know what that means."

Serah nodded. "What in?"

"Fine arts and Mechanics."

The younger Farron made the strangest face. "Really? Where did mechanics come from?"

"I just thought she should have somethin' a little more practical to fall back on, just in case the art thing didn't work."

"Understandable. Daddy was the same way with me, so I get it.

"And it's not that I doubt her -Claire's scary good- but I'm just bein' the devil's advocate here. Plus mechanics is something I can actually help her with. At the very least my dad could."

Another nod from Serah. "Has that put any more stress on her than usual?"

"Not that I've noticed." Yun's brow knitted in the middle. "She likes bein' busy, though, ya know? Let her sit idle for too long and she gets a little...gloomy I guess. She takes a couple cookin' classes a week...and then there's a study group at shcool...but nothin' out of the ordinary."

When no response came after a spell, Yun looked up and saw Serah's expression. She was thinking things through, putting pieces together where she could.

"Just give me some time," she finally said, contemplation still darkening her face. "Let me test a few hunches."

"Whatever you gotta do, I trust you."

The day would continue as planned, starting once Snow walked through the front door. Elated to see his former roommate and sister-in-law he hugged them both at once in his still bear-like arms., kissing them each on the cheek. From there he dressed down and worked towards taking a quick shower, but not before suggesting a favorite sushi place for dinner. By the time he had finished freshening up, everyone seemed in agreement with his offer. They all piled into Snow's truck and took the fifteen minute drive into downtown Bodhum, to a somewhat hidden place called Tetsu's.

There was only a brief wait for them to get a table, the dinner rush having yet to really set in, and their drink order was taken just as quickly.

"So, what is sushi anyway?" Claire asked, her expression skewed as she tried to read the menu.

The others at the table stopped and stared for a second, all of them with the same surprised look.

"It's rolls of sticky rice stuffed with all kinds of good stuff." Yun forced herself to answer. As long as they had been together, questions like that still caught her off guard.

"Like what?"

"Veggies, shrimp, crunchy bits-,"

"And raw fish." Snow added.

That last bit made Claire's eyebrows reach for her hairline. "Really? Is it good?"

"Depends on what you get." Serah continued. "I'm not a big fan of the eel or the squid, but the yellow tail is great."

"And it's _actually_ raw?" Everything Claire knew about food was telling her this was not a good thing. Food needs to be fully cooked _at all times_, especially meat. "How..."

"Ancient Wutai secret." and Snow couldn't help but laugh, even as Serah slapped his arm.

"We'll start ya off nice and slow, sunshine. Just how ya like it." Yun winked, grinning at her lover's reddening face.

The four of them would spend the better part of the next three hours picking over a large platter of assorted rolls while catching up and growing comfortable with one another again after nearly a year. After the meal they chose to stay out a while longer, experience Bodhum at night, which was a whole other world on a Friday night.

It was long after midnight when they returned home, happily exhausted. Snow and Serah stayed up just long enough to help pull out the sofa-bed and wish their guests good night.

"You feelin' all right, darlin? You have a good time?" Yun pushed her jeans passed her knees after kicking off her shoes.

"Yeah." Claire was already in her pajamas. "It was fun."

"You seemed to like the food okay." Yun gave her a knowing look as she pulled down the covers and settled in.

"I'll admit it, I did." Claire switched off the light, hiding her smile as she felt her way through the dark back to the bed. Before she could fully settle, Yun was on her, gathering her up in a snug embrace. Almost too snug. "Clingy, aren't we?"

"It's been a while since I've had to share ya, gimme a break." Yun confessed, smiling somewhat stupidly against Claire's neck. "And while you're at it, gimme a kiss too."

A little giggle as she rolled over, and a sigh of comfort as she put her arms around Yun's neck to encourage their lips together. Neither were quite in the mood or in the comfort zone for love making, but it was easy to tell it was on both of their minds the way their bodies tried to weave together, how their kisses deepened for a moment.

"Good night, Yun." Claire whispered.

"Sweet dreams, sunshine." and it was an honest wish.

Author's Note: I don't know...I don't even. It's just kind of happening. Hope you guys enjoy. Not to speak too soon, but I might be getting my groove back. Guess we'll see. See you next chapter, I hope.


	2. Chapter 2

**For I Have Sinned**

**Chapter Two**

Yun was stirred awake by the pinching sensation of little paws on her chest. Blinking into awareness her first view was that of Baha's backside as he made circles to eventually curl up under her chin. She could only tolerate that degree of closeness from the animal for all of half a minute, and eventually pushed him away.

"Love you too, kitty, just not right now." she groaned. With a powerful stretch and the subsequent push of her arms she was upright. Looking to her side she noticed the empty space, curious as one dusky eyebrow lifted. "Anybody home?" she called out. No verbal answer came, though her cell phone buzzed on the arm of the sofa. She recognized the sound for her usual daytime alarm, so she turned it off per the usual, but then it chimed again with the notice of an unheard voice mail.

_"Hey, Yun, it's Serah. I apologize for your waking up alone, but daddy came by this morning wanting to have breakfast with us. Anyway, we'll be home soon, in an hour or two most likely, and then we'll get together to pow-wow, okay? See you then."_

Yun shrugged her shoulders a little as she set the phone down and worked her way out of bed. She set the sofa to right before taking liberties with the house facilities, such as the bathroom and the kitchen. She would eventually migrate back to the couch with a bowl of cereal. She shared spoonfuls of milk with Baha in between surfing the channels, resigning in time to watch cartoons though they weren't particular favorites of hers.

Contrary to the message she left, Serah wouldn't be back through that front door for the next four hours, it was almost one. But the three of them had the airs of people that had enjoyed themselves, so there wasn't much room to gripe.

"Oh good, you have pants on." Serah seemed genuinely relieved.

"Ya know, I actually had to think about it." Yun laughed as she stood up, reaching for Jack's hand as he entered the room. "Afternoon, Mr. Farron."

"Please, just Jack. Good to see you again, I'm really glad you two came up."

"Just think what we'd be willin' to do if ya just ask. So Serah," she turned her attention to the younger Farron who was still nearby. "I got your message, you wanna talk now?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Ya want your dad in on it too?"

"I've actually spoken to dad a bit about it already, so it can be just the three of us this time."

Yun nodded. "Ya ready, sunshine?"

Claire ducked from beneath Jack's other arm, a hint of uncertainty shadowing her features as she followed her sister and lover through the living room and into the nearby hallway, into Serah's office. Jack would take Yun's former place in front of the television and wait, Baha nestling in his lap seeing as he was the only source of body heat available.

"Have a seat everyone." Serah offered as the door clicked shut. "But I've only told dad just a little more than I've told you, seeing as he was awake at the time and well...he's dad, so,"

"No, I get it. Do continue." Yun and Claire sat side by side in front of Serah's desk in a pair of seemingly cheap fold-out chairs.

"Well, neither of you knew this -and I'll get to the reason why- but there's a security camera in the living room."

"Pardon?" one dusky brow peaked. Claire seemed to fret a little.

"Snow had them put in after that reporter broke in that time, remember?"

"Oh yeah, that. Okay, so you spied on us all night?"

"Sort of. I went over the tape this morning before dad came, so technically yes." Serah was seated now and was clicking away at her desktop computer. Than she swiveled the screen around. "I had a hunch I wanted to test, and I was worried about the results if either of you knew the camera was there."

Both Yun and Claire shifted forward in their seat to watch the black and white footage on the screen. It looked like business as usual after lights went out, for the longest while the only thing to move throughout the night was the cat switching from one occupant of the pull-out couch to the other.

"So what were you lookin' for exactly?"

"I was waiting for you to ask." Serah almost smirked as she moved the cursor to the streaming bar at the bottom of the screen, clicking on a particular spot along the track of footage. "This is around three this morning."

Still they watched, and now something else began to move. Claire seemed unnerved to see herself on film, more so when her sleeping form on screen began stirring, eventually getting out of bed. It looked like a late night trip to the bathroom, nothing odd about that, until Claire seemed to stop in the opening of the hall and just stand there. For several minutes it went like this, and then Claire moved across the room into the kitchen to do the exact same thing, but this time for only a few seconds. From the kitchen she drifted to the hallway again, disappeared in its darkness momentarily, then reemerged in the living room to stand at the foot the bed, seemingly watching Yun. The entire...whatever you want to call it, lasted for nearly an hour, ending with Claire crawling back into bed like it didn't happen.

Serah pulled the monitor back to its original place. "Do you remember doing that?"

Claire shrank into her chair under her sister's gaze. "No. Not at all."

"Really?" Yun's head whipped to the side, complete disbelief on her face.

"Have you ever experienced waking up in a place you don't remember being when you went to sleep?"

Claire stilled a moment, swallowing. "Once."

"What? When? Why didn't I know about this?" One would think Yun's position fair, considering they had been living together and all.

"I didn't know what to tell you." Claire inched away from Yun slightly, made wary by the tone of her voice perhaps. "Is...is something wrong with me?"

"Not necessarily. Sleepwalking can be common even in perfectly healthy people."

"You say that like it doesn't apply to me."

"Well, I mean," Serah had to think about it, get the words right, then she shrugged. "Look, let's be frank; you're anything but typical, Claire. I don't mean for that to insult you, I'm just telling you like I see it. And considering what Yun has been able to tell me about your sleeping issues, I think there is a definite likelihood of something psychologically...going on." she didn't want to label her sister with the word "wrong".

Claire looked worried, if not downright terrified.

"I mean, you've never been to therapy, have you? Any kind of victim's counseling or support groups?"

"No. What does that have to do with it?" Claire could feel her palms starting to sweat as she unfolded her hands and crossed her arms. She noticed a swiftness to her heartbeat. "I don't need it."

"I'm afraid I'm going to argue with you on that. You can't just shove all that down...and for four years."

"Why not? What am I supposed to do with it?" as if there was an easy answer. She shifted in her seat, assuming an almost defensive straightness in her back.

"It helps to talk about these things, helps us learn how to cope."

"I'm coping." Claire said flatly, bordering on defiant. "You just said sleepwalking isn't always a problem."

"But night terrors typically are. You're having those, aren't you?"

Claire's expression twisted, unknowing. "What?"

"Yun says you wake up at night screaming, sweating, sometimes you stop breathing. If that's not a sign that something's going on, then I'll eat my degree."

Claire could feel frustration bubbling in her stomach, making her chest tighten. She was feeling a little trapped to be honest. "Not all the time. I didn't last night."

"But it's happening more often, isn't it?" Serah already knew about the frequency, Yun told her. But she needed for Claire to admit it. It was part of the process, making her realize there was a problem. "Especially since that mess with the specialist, right?"

For a long while the three of them sat in silence, with Claire continually exchanging her attention between Yun and Serah..

"Look, darlin'...we're not tryin' to tell ya you're sick or somethin'. Far from it. We just want to make sure you're okay. We're worried about ya."

Claire's gaze shifted from her sister to her lover and back one more time. She really didn't want to be talking about this, not now, not at all. It was somewhere far beyond uncomfortable. Almost violating. She didn't want to be here, the room almost felt too crowded.

"I'm fine." she eventually snipped, now visibly agitated.

"I disagree," Serah countered gently, "you really should-,"

Claire threw up her hands. "I'm not talking about this anymore." And just like that she shut right down, all but jumping out of the chair and leaving the suffocatingly tiny office.

"Shit." Was all Yun had to offer as she put a heavy hand on her neck and rubbed, the air leaving her lungs in a shrug.

"I was expecting as much, actually. That gave me a lot."

"All she did was deny everythin'." Yun made a strange face.

"It's all part of the puzzle, Yun, trust me."

"So what's it all mean then, smartypants?"

"Well, as it stands -and don't quote me on this since I'm not really qualified to give a positive diagnosis- I think she has a form of PTSD."

Yun went quiet, her curiosity devolving into a heavy scowl. "Hm...can't really say I'm surprised...guess I just never seen symptoms like that before. I mean, the whole wakin' up scared thing was -in a way- normal. It would happen a couple times a month, no biggie. But now... and I had no idea about her wanderin' around at night like that." and she shook her head, brows raised and eyes wide with true bewilderment. "It's bizarre."

"But, like I said, it's not on paper yet. I'd need a second opinion, a more objective one. And there would be tests that I can't give."

"Either way it doesn't much matter, does it? Not unless she lets us help."

"True enough." Serah nodded. "Clearly this is something we won't be able to force, not that I would."

Yun could only nod.

Claire would skulk out of the hallway and make a straight path to the kitchen. She snatched a soda from the fridge and drank it quickly, something cold for her hot insides, wincing through the burn of carbonation in her mouth. Needless to say she was feeling somewhere in the spectrum of angry as well as frustrated -which the two could be cousins really- and heart wrenching fear. Was there really something wrong with her? No, there couldn't be. She was normal now. She _had_ to be. She had a normal name, lived in a normal apartment, wore normal clothes, lived a normal life from one day to the next, just like everyone else. There was nothing _wrong_...

But...

Claire shook her head hard as she all but threw the crushed aluminum can into the garbage with a loud _puh-CLACK_.

_No...I'm normal._

She raked one set of hooked fingers over her scalp as she took a series of deep breaths, reigning herself in before leaving the kitchen to move into the living room and plop on the sofa next to her father. And while he took notice of her presence -how could he not?- he didn't immediately address her.

With as little as he felt he knew about his eldest, Jack could tell something wasn't right. He could see Claire's scowl concealed in the tightening in her brow, had a feeling why, which was his reasoning behind his current silence. He needed to give her a minute or two to wind down a little, or she would be mad at him too. So he would wait, pretending to have his attention on the television.

Just as he was thinking to speak, he heard Serah's office door open and his youngest step out of the hallway. He spoke up at a familiar jingle of keys.

"Going somewhere, honey?" Jack was twisted in his seat. "We just got home."

"I know," Serah hoisted her purse onto her shoulder. "Yun's coming with me to grab a few things for the beach. What do you think about camping there overnight?"

"Sounds like fun. Claire, what do you think?"

"It's fine."

"Well, just be careful then, you two."

"Love you dad, we'll be back before Snow gets home." Serah bent over the arm of the sofa to kiss her father's cheek.

"You wanna go, sunshine?" Yun tried as she pushed into her shoes. "Just us girls?"

"No thanks."

The detective winced at the tightness of the reply, showing a well hidden caution to leaning down and requesting a kiss goodbye which she seemed relieved to receive. "Try to stay outta trouble until we get back, wouldn't wanna miss anythin'."

The sound of the door opening and closing echoed through the house, a sound that dissipated almost too quickly to leave behind an awkward weight in the air. Jack was honestly surprised Claire didn't go, especially since Yun was. He always thought the two attached at the hip. Then again, if his hunch was right, his eldest probably wasn't too happy with her significant other.

"Is there something you would rather watch than the news, sweetheart?" Jack finally spoke to Claire, offering her the remote.

"Not really."

"Okay. Well, maybe we'll find something we can agree on." and he started clicking through the several dozen stations in the roster. He hadn't the slightest idea what to look for, no clue what his daughter found entertaining. Did she even watch TV that often? He never thought to ask before now. In time he would just let the channels fall where they would.

"How's school coming along?"

"Fine."

"Aren't you a senior now?"

"Junior."

"Oh, okay. My mistake. Any sororities on campus?"

"I guess. Never looked."

He chuckled. "I'll just assume you're not interested in joining any, either."

Her sharp, cerulean gaze slid to him, her features still creased. "And if I was?"

"Well, that's your decision, honey. I didn't mean anything by it." he rubbed the back of his bald head, feeling her eyes on him. "Look,"

And she did, waiting.

"You know...if something is wrong you can always talk to me."

Her eyes thinned. "You think I'm sick too?"

"No, of course I don't. But I certainly don't want whatever is going on to get that bad."

Claire took a breath, turning her head away and letting it fall back on the cushion.

"You can't blame me for worrying. Or anyone else either." and he waited for a response, hoping she wasn't thinking him as pushy as he was feeling. When she remained quiet, the only gesture having been her letting her head fall back against the couch with a shrug, he got up and walked into the kitchen. There was a clatter of dishes for all of a few minutes and then he came back with two bowls in his hands, one that he passed to Claire.

"Its the middle of the afternoon. We haven't even had lunch." She couldn't wrap her head around the fact that Jack had just given her a bowl of strawberry ice cream.

Jack sat right beside her now. "No one's here to tell us what to do, so why not?" and he gave her a boyish smile as he took his first spoonful.

She only nodded in agreement, lacking a sufficient argument. It was actually quite nice to just sit and enjoy her father's company. They even managed to watch a few minutes of the movie Jack had haphazardly tuned the television to, finding it so bad it was good.

It wasn't until after the movie and the sweet treats were finished that Claire found it in herself to open up.

"Serah says I need therapy." She shrugged, her empty bowl in her lap.

Jack's brows lifted, his head turning sharp to one side. "Do you think she's right?"

"I don't know." her eyes were down, fixated on the floor. "I mean...it's just talking, right?"

"Most of the time, yeah."

"But talking doesn't really...change anything."

It was a fair opinion, one that Jack nodded to. "Well, not everyone knows the right things to talk about. Serah could tell you a lot about that."

"Do you agree with her?"

Jack took a moment, trying to get the words right. "I...I believe you shouldn't close yourself to the option." and then he swallowed. "I went through something similar back when I was still drinking. I was convinced I didn't need a shrink telling me why I wanted to do it all the time. I already knew why."

Claire lifted her gaze to her father, mild surprise in her wide set eyes.

"It wasn't until after the first couple sessions that I realized how badly I needed it, how it played such a crucial part of my recovery. Maybe...some people have what it takes to handle their problems on their own...I'm just not one of those people. And you know what? That's okay." And Jack was internally elated to see the effect his words appeared to be having on her. She was hanging on his every breath. "Just think about it before you decide, sweetie. Please."

"Okay, dad. I'll try." weaseled its way out after a long, tense moment.

"That's good, that's all I can ask. But you shouldn't get so miffed at your sister, she's only looking out for you. Same goes for Yun."

"I know." Claire tried not to roll her eyes. "But do they have to be so nosy about it?"

"Oh, honey, that's just their nature. Telling them to be any other way is like asking a pig to make its own bacon." he laughed a little. "You've got to remember that all of us are _still_ trying to get to know you. I mean," he had to stop and straighten out the words when his daughter gave him an odd look, "we know you have boundaries, but you're not entirely forward with letting us know when we cross them. You need to talk to us, let us know how you feel since we can't always tell."

Claire shrank a little. "Yun tells me that all the time." She could almost hear her girlfriend's voice, so well practiced in her head. _I can't read your mind, ya gotta talk t'me._

"And I think she's right."

"But," her eyes went low and away, "it isn't easy."

"It never is, sweetheart, believe me." Jack shook his head. "Though it'll get less difficult the more you try...I don't think these sort of things are meant to be easy. They're too important."

She could feel her heart sink at the prospect he posed. "So I'm screwed?" it came out as a sort of sarcastic huff of air.

"Not at all." Jack then leaned a little, putting an arm around his daughter's shoulders. "You're surrounded by people who love you, and that's a damn good place to be."

For the moment, Claire didn't take much mind to how her father's word gave no real comfort, but she enjoyed having him hold her a while.

The others would return home within an hour of each other later that afternoon. The lot of them would linger just long enough to get a bite to carry them over until dinner, as there were plans to grill on the beach tonight. Everything was promptly loaded into either Snow's truck or Jack's jeep, supplies and bodies alike, and they pulled out just before the evening rush. Local traffic was only so bad, as everyone was trying to hit the numerous resort town bars at the _exact same time_, but once they got off the main strip and to the two lane, unmarked road to the beach, it was rather quiet. Most of the activity was outbound.

Leading the two-car convoy, Jack avoided the main stretch of Bodhum's beach. Too close to the hotels and therefore much too crowded for what they were planning. Nothing ruined an evening with family faster than being surrounded by a bunch obnoxious, drunk tourists.

There would still be just enough daylight to see by when they arrived, a chilled breeze staring in from the ocean as the sun went down. The red orange glow in the sky would last just long enough for them to get a sizable fire started and to set up the family-sized tent Jack had never opened before. It was long after dark when blankets were spread around the fire and smoke began spilling out of the grill Snow had brought along.

"I heard on the radio that there's supposed to be a meteor shower tonight. That's why I suggested we camp out." Serah sat down on one of the blankets, sodas in hand and passing one to her dad beside her.

"Sounds great. When?"

"Shortly after one or two, I think. It's not going to be a big one, but I thought it would still be nice to see."

"You ever seen one, Claire?"

The elder Farron stood beside Snow, helping him manage the food. Her head snapped to at the question and all she did was shake her head before going back to it.

"Well, maybe she'll get a kick out of it. I hadn't even met your mom yet and was half a world away the last time I saw one."

"Back when you were in the navy with Uncle Matt?"

Jack nodded, the can of soda at his mouth. Then he swallowed. "We were stationed in Lindblum Harbor at the time, for what reason I don't remember. Anyway...yeah, it was pretty amazing. Your uncle thought he was hot shit because he lost his virginity that same night, so you can imagine the jokes he was making about it."

Serah laughed, sounding a bit uncomfortable. "Thanks, dad, could've gone my _entire life_ without the latter half of that story."

"You're welcome, sweetie. I only do it because I love you." A chuckle, followed by another sip of soda. "Speaking of awkward conversations, where did Miss Oerba wander off to?"

"I think she took it upon herself to set up the sleeping arrangements. Last I saw her she was putting the bedding in the tent."

Jack nodded, his curiosity satisfied as he glanced over his shoulder. "Ah, speak of the devil,"

"Thought I felt my ears burnin'." Yun waggled her eyebrows a little. "Beds are all neat and comfy, ready to go." She turned her head and cocked it back a little. "When's chow?"

"Ten more minutes." Snow responded without looking up from his task.

"Sweet, my gut's been growlin' for half an hour now." Yun plopped down on a blanket, shadows dancing across her frame. With her hands bracing behind her, she tilted her head against her shoulder. "So, Jack,"

"Hm?"

"Given any more thought on what we talked about?"

After a moment, Jack shook his head. "Haven't had the time to quite yet. Though, as it stands...I don't think it's good timing."

"Yeah." Yun sighed a little, seeming reluctant. "I don't blame ya. I wasn't thinkin' _now_ anyway. Eventually."

When they had first arrived on the beach, Yun managed to swallow the little, lingering lump in her throat and approach Mr. Farron with the prospect of marrying his eldest daughter. From her perspective, they were so very much in love, not to mention the closest of friends; the only other logical step to take was to make it official.

"In that respect, you have my full support. I think you would make Claire very happy, but I don't think she could manage that kind of stress too well right now."

Serah invited herself into the conversation with a curious expression. "Have you even mentioned the idea to her?"

"Nah," Yun seemed to grumble. "Wasn't sure she'd understand...I mean, I'm not sayin' Claire's stupid-,"  
>"No, no, it's a fair concern." Serah assured her.<p>

"Still, I'm with Jack, that sort of commitment might not sit too well with the way things are rollin' nowadays."

"I would wait until after she graduates, but that's just me." Serah covered up a burp right after the last word emerged. "Unless, of course, her emotional forecast drastically improves."

"Yeah, I know, I know." Disappointment was more than evident in the detective's tone, but no one could blame her for it. "She was doin' _so _well before...wonder what made it all go pear-shaped..."

Yun knew damn good and well the general reason for the change, but she was starving to acquire the details. When was moment zero, when everything went wrong? Often times she would find herself thinking it over, to death even, looking through memories for anything that might have tipped her off that she had missed. There _had_ to have been a sign. As Claire was not one to abruptly shift from one thing to another, she was a constant low simmer. Like a fuse.

What lit it?

"Don't lose hope." Jack sighed, finding it the best response to her temperament. "Claire may surprise us yet."

Shortly thereafter the matter was pushed aside with plates of food fresh from the grill, and Snow and Claire coming into the circle around the fire. They ate and socialized, shared stories over that spanned this most recent stint apart. As the night carried on in this fashion the fire slowly died, which they allowed as the appointed time for the meteor shower drew closer. In the end it would be snuffed out completely with a bucket of water, leaving only the meager light of a crescent moon bathing the shoreline beneath it. They moved the blankets a little closer to the tent, as sleepy-eyes were already threatening to settle in, and got comfortable.

Lying beside her in the darkness, Yun didn't so much see Claire's reaction to the flickering trails of stars as she felt it. Claire's hand found hers as the lights in the sky danced and clutched it tightly, and Yun heard a quiet gasp from her lover. Yun had to imagine the look on her face, even still it made her heart melt.

"Amazing." Claire whispered.

"Sure is. Just like you." And she smiled wide at the silent response of a tighter grip around her hand.

The shower lasted the better part of an hour, leaving them more than sleepy enough to just crawl into the tent and into their sleeping bags for the remainder of the night, snuggled in tight.

Claire fell asleep almost immediately, Yun curled along her back with an arm circling her waist in a way she sensed as almost protective. In any case it was welcomed, comforting, and helped lull her along after closing her eyes. She would dream of the sea that continued to whisper and sigh on the other side of the zippered door, an easy thing to do when you're surrounded by it. There was no peril or rush to the images, just a sleeping mind reaching out in exploration. Her sleep was deep, recuperative, the kind you wake from feeling like you could take on the world and actually win.

Though Claire wouldn't feel that good. In fact she was overwhelmed with a cold, frustrated shame as she woke to the sensation of cool ocean water near her knees and an early morning breeze in her face, only to look down and see she was indeed standing in the shallows of the bay. Claire looked around, seemingly untroubled, to see the campsite some hundred yards or so behind her. There was no sign of anyone being awake at this hour, sunrise now minutes away.

Sleepwalking...again...and no one noticed? What if she hadn't woken up just now? What if she had kept walking? What if...

Claire clenched her jaw and spun on her heels to start back towards the shore. She started chanting in her head, something she had caught herself doing more and more lately, and for longer than anyone was aware of.

_There's nothing wrong. I'm _not_ sick. I am normal. I am normal. __**Normal**_.

Author's Note: I guess you could say this is coming along all right. I don't think it can be considered a full sequel though. Just an addition. It likely won't have the sway or depth of the original, but it's still a story I feel the need to tell. I'm making an honest effort, I just think I'm still trying to convince myself I've got what it takes to tell it properly. I'm getting my wings back, so to speak. In any case, hope you're enjoying it, and I'll see you next chapter. Questions are always welcome.


	3. Chapter 3

**For I Have Sinned**

**Chapter Three**

There was a strange disillusionment to being back in Eden after their weekend in Bodhum, a feeling that seemed to hold more and more sway over Claire as she went back to her usual routine come Monday. It was nigh on depressing, appearing to pull her down by the shoulders as she moved systematically through the apartment in preparation for school. Yun had already left for the precinct a few hours ago, so her shuffling steps echoed through the still air.

It could be said that Claire didn't dress her age. Now in her late twenties and in college, you would think a woman like herself would be comfortable in semi-casual blouses and slacks. Maybe even a skirt here and there. Or jeans, which were so common for her age and gender. Nope. Not Claire Farron. Jeans were still awful, constrictive things, second only to bras with underwire, and most womens' clothing targeted to her demographic she couldn't be bothered to even notice. That's why she mostly shopped -when she could stomach the activity- in the men's section. Comfortable, durable, practical; these things defined Claire's modest wardrobe.

With that in mind, it should come as no surprise that the most difficult part of any given morning for her was waking up. In comparison, getting dressed and groomed for the day was as time consuming as a sneeze. Chuck Taylors, black judo shorts with thigh pockets, a t-shirt almost a size too big, and a half-zipped hoodie that she threw on as an afterthought when she noticed the sounds of rain against the window in the kitchen. All of it unimpressive, nondescript. All of it a cover up.

She didn't much fuss with combing her hair, as she pulled it back and covered it with a bandanna. And she had no cosmetics to worry over, never having grasped their purpose. Then she brushed her teeth and made sure any other body odor was under control before making her way into the kitchen for a couple toaster pastries to shovel down on her way out the door with her backpack.

Claire bicycled to school every morning. The apartment complex superintendent was kind enough to keep her bike locked in her office overnight, as they didn't have the space and bike theft was a bit of a problem in the area. After the two women had their typical morning exchange, Claire threw up her hood and braved the steady drizzle.

The ride was soothing, the idea that no one would be able to make out her presence in a blur of bodies and cars. She was a face in the crowd, everyone too busy with themselves to care she even existed. It was preferable. Probably one of the only times during the day she didn't feel eyes on her, she didn't feel judged. And though the route was roughly a mile or two from one end to the other, it only lasted what felt like minutes. It wasn't long enough. She always felt the need for a few more moments of peace.

Claire transferred from Kain University about three months ago to the College of West Eden. After a news station van showed up on campus and reporters flooded student parking in front of the Industrial Science building to wait for her after class, it was the only answer. She couldn't tell anyone, even the few friends she had managed to make, where she was going. It had to be quick, quiet. She could only assume the staff between the two schools who handled the paperwork were keeping tabs on their ethics, as there hadn't been an incident since.

But the damage was done.

With her hood still up, the heather gray darkened with rain, she pushed through double doors after pad-locking her bike. She took a short, purposeful walk to a fleet of lockers to store her wet coat and change into the navy jumpsuit for her Mechanics class. There was no textbook, so she stored her backpack as well, exchanging it for her personal toolbox that she kept in the steel container. Claire pushed passed the churning pods of people to reach the garage.

Mechanics was an odd course, if you thought about it. The professor wasn't there for lengthy lectures or actual sit-down style teaching. Not much of it, anyhow. Mr. Highwind -he hated being called professor- would take the first three weeks of his nine-week semesters to get his students acquainted with a particular machine or part of said machine. His philosophy was the best way to know how to fix it, is to learn how to build it. For freshmen, it was a basic push lawn mower, followed by basic car maintenance, then a selection of typical household gadgets such as air conditioning units and refrigerators. For Sophomores it was a step up to small engine and motor construction. Juniors were currently working on large engines and motors, and the Seniors were working on building fully functional motor vehicles.

Claire was the only other woman in a class of a dozen other students, none of which she knew very well. The only reason she knew their names was from the roll call every morning. She didn't have much of a relationship with Mr. Highwind either. She rarely needed to have things repeated or verified, so there was no need for the two to interact. She walked in, answered the roll, and went to work just like everyone else.

The class would end when a majority of the students had felt they had made enough progress on their projects to call it a day. Mr. Highwind never forced them to leave, seeing as "sometimes folks just can't be rushed". Although it was the habit for the first class of the day to scatter and depart around lunchtime. Claire washed her hands, face, and her tools before going to her locker again to exchange and return gear. She tied the upper half of the jumpsuit around her waist, a habit, as she shrugged her backpack onto her shoulders. From there she headed to the commissary.

Lunch was one of the few times during the day she would actually be noticed by the other students, most of which didn't know her from Adam. Maybe not so much noticing her as noticing the seeming tower of food she had piled on her plate. And it may not have been even that, but the fact that she would always finish it. _All_ of it. It was easily enough food for two or even three of your average college kid, but she finished it off like it was an appetizer. Many of her female peers were quietly jealous, considering her horrible diet but amazing figure.

Then again, if they had the metabolism of a prize fighter some fifteen years in the making, they could eat whatever the hell they wanted too.

From there she had to get back on her bike and peddle her way nearly half way across the campus to get to her next class, where the remainder of her day would be spent in the Fine Arts building.

In order to qualify for the major Claire would have to pass two separate art courses. She had to admit that Hope was the one that turned her on to painting, no pun intended. It seemed like the most logical plan, seeing as she was hoping to study something "fun". And while she couldn't exactly bring vibrators to school with her to paint with, she caught on very fast to using the proper tools for the craft. However she didn't take to the class with as much ease as she had her Mechanics. It was a mild case of confusion to be honest. Claire was of the understanding that painting was something creative, something free in form, and then here was this professor trying to tell her how to do it "the right way". How was that supposed to make any sense? Though it wasn't until having come to West Eden that she really started to catch on and gain some momentum. Her previous instructor just couldn't make her _get it_.

It would take some one-on-one time with Professor Feywood to really understand what it was all about. It wasn't so much that there was a right or wrong way to express yourself, but there was a science to helping your audience better understand what you are trying to say. Putting it that way changed Claire's attitude, especially when receiving criticism or advice. And she caught on so fast, it blew the professor's mind. While Claire still had a lot of room to grow in regards to portraits and figures, her still life and color theory was spot on, which was rather impressive as she didn't seem to possess any natural talent for it.

All the while the students worked on in-progress pieces, Feywood looked through their sketchbooks that they handed over at the beginning of each class. When it ended mid-afternoon, they would get them back and flip through the pages to any index cards the professor would have left full of comments or questions about their recent doodles. Visible progress in their skills was the meat of the grade, so her word was nothing less than gospel. Claire usually waited until she got home to look at hers, thinking it would be easier to fully process any criticism she was sure to get and decide with confidence weather or not she would need to have the professor talk her through it. With the spiraled book of papers tucked under her arm she moved quickly through the halls to her next destination.

Back at Kaun University, Claire's second choice was creative writing, focusing on poetry. Transferring here had left her with the difficult news of having to pick another, as the class was at capacity for the semester. She would need a substitute course if she wanted to maintain the credits for the major until enrollment for the class opened up again next term. There was a wide variety of other classes that qualified, though a majority of them didn't really seem to catch Claire's interest. A small portion she thought were likely to go right over her head, such as computer animation. Her working knowledge of computers was basic at best.

Thinking it would be easier with her mechanics thus far, she decided on the musical theater class. The career counselor mentioned there was always a need for hands to build and manage sets for that department, and Claire thought it a convenient way to put herself to good use and still get a grade. Manual labor was a cakewalk.

Claire appeared perfectly content skulking about in the dark in the auditorium with the other gaffers-in-training. The visual arts department made the sets for the theater, they were then assembled and mounted in the auditorium until a production ran its bill and was taken down. This was a weekly endeavor that Claire had no objection in shouldering. It was nice to work with her hands in a more familiar way, and she found a quiet brotherhood with the other students in the seemingly mundane activity of lifting heavy objects. Not to mention the fun discovered in moving through the skeletal frames of the rafters and scaffolding instead of using the catwalks above the stage. It was quicker. And once the work was done, the backstage group often stayed to sit through the rehearsals.

The music professor and the dance instructor was a husband and wife team, the Gabbianis, Setzer and Ceres respectively. Both were alumni of the college and, being recipients of the Avon Award, had been joint heads of the Fine Arts department for the last ten years. Mr. Gabbiani was almost always on the piano, the concert hall echoing with his precision, while Mrs. Gabbiani was just across the hall from the backstage door in the practice studio with the dance and front stage theater students.

Though Claire never had an interest in staying. Music wasn't really her _thing, _so she would grab up her belongings and head home after one last stop at her locker. Although she needed to get some groceries for dinner. A small, mom-and-pop Wutai market a couple of blocks up from the apartment complex was where she typically stopped, finding they had fresher meats, not to mention these wonderful cream cheese buns that she couldn't go without buying at least three of. There would be just enough room in her backpack for the items, granting them safety from the rain as it started coming down in earnest.

Per the usual, Claire stored her bike in the super's office and then made her way across the parking lot. A little chill went up her back as air conditioning washed over her, pushing through the glass double doors and into the main building. She felt shivers threatening as she stepped onto the elevator, ignoring the other passengers as she turned her back to them and pushed the button for her floor. When she reached her door, she had to fight with slightly shaking hands to get the key in and unlock the deadbolt.

Once inside she pushed the groceries into the fridge to wait until she needed them. Then she promptly tossed her wet clothes into the dryer on her way to the bedroom. She would come back into the kitchen in something more akin to pajamas, snatching her backpack from the counter where she had left it, and then moved across linoleum and out to eventually settle in the living room. Seeing as she had the better part of an hour before she needed to start prepping dinner, she took this time to unwind from the day as well as go over what little homework she had.

Somehow she divided her attention between flipping through her sketchbook with one hand and handling the TV remote with the other. She already knew what channel she wanted so it was all a question of hitting the right buttons the first time, which she managed well enough without looking. There was a little smile when she tuned to an all-day marathon of one of her favorite cartoons, and then looked down to the sketchbook. All in all Prof. Feywood's notes were positive, criticism minimal, covering mostly minor shortcomings due to lack of practice and not actual mistakes. Although her latest note made Claire's face twist with curiosity.

_"I would like to take some time before or after class to discuss your senior project. Whenever it's convenient."_

She would mull it over for the next little while, though only subconsciously as she was enjoying her show. Claire continued to watch it, listening in passing as she shuffled about the kitchen nook in the daily ritual of cooking. It would be a sort of set-it-and-forget-it sort of meal; carrots, celery, bacon and onions rolled up in thin sliced beef with a little mustard and slow roasted in a sufficient pool of water and soy sauce. The potatoes and gravy would take mere minutes, so she just set a timer and went back to the living room to wait for its telling chime.

Yun would come home within the half hour that the meal roasted, a smile on her face as she sniffed the air and hung her blue blazer and holster on the hooks by the door. Without a word she went to the bedroom to get out of her work clothes, into something more appropriate for lounging, and then slipped into the living room, coming to stand and bend over the back of the sofa. Her arms folded over her lover's stomach and connected at the wrist while her head turned to allow her to press a kiss to Claire's cheek.

"You're early." Claire hummed as she turned her head.

"Surprise," a feline grin as green eyes thinned, then she pressed for a proper kiss on the lips. "Dinner smells great, by the way."

"It's something new, but I figured as long as it had meat and gravy involved, you wouldn't object."

"You read me like a book, darlin'." a low chuckle. After a final kiss to the temple Yun straightened, rounding the sofa and taking a seat next to her. "You have a good day at school?"

"Yeah." an unintended nod.

"Anythin' interestin' happen?"

"Not really, no."

"Ah well."

"How about you?" Claire turned the question.

"Ya know how it is; same shit, different day. Chief thinks we might have a possible serial on our hands. With that bein' said, be sure ya keep the place tight if you're home by yourself."

"Of course."

"Not that I'm worried for ya, not that way anyhow, still I'd hate for somethin' to happen."

"I know." another half-conscious nod. She turned to look at Yun lounging beside her, eyelids seeming heavy as they dipped and rose with a sort of pattern. She was so tired. "Maybe you should lay down, dinner won't be for a while yet."

"Nah, I'm fine. 'Sides, I'd rather be here with you." and Yun started shifting, alluding in no subtle way that she wanted to cuddle, more so lay in Claire's lap and be held. Claire obliged, feeling the comfort of Yun's warmth and scent easing through her. Once the detective settled, Claire found the remote to turn down the volume, and then threaded her fingers in the dusky tresses that spilled over the tops of her thighs.

They would stay this way until the timer went off, forcing Claire to stand and apologize at Yun's discontented groaning at the separation. Mere seconds later she would squeak at the sudden, brief pinch on her backside, Yun having eased up from behind without her notice. The cop chuckled at her reddened face while fetching dishes and silverware for the dinning table, setting the items in their usual places before taking a seat.

The small talk would continue as they ate, discussing no subject or event in particular. Though the exchange would be severely hindered after Yun took her first bite. So Claire just sat by and smiled discreetly at the pleasure that morphed her girlfriend's features.

"I take it you like it?"

Yun nodded slowly. "Can this be, like, a permanent thing? Like once-a-week?"

"Making it that often would kind of take away from it, wouldn't it?"

"Once a month, then."

"I'll think about it." and she laughed, albeit in a subtle way.

When the meal was finished, the dishes gathered, Yun would creep into the kitchen after Claire once more, circling her arms around her waist.

"Any dessert?"

"No, I didn't make any. Sorry."

"Aw, that's all right." Yun inched closer, chin on Claire's shoulder, embrace cinching tighter. "I had an idea, if you're open to it."

"What did you have in -oh, that," Claire shivered, interrupted by the gentle pinch of Yun's teeth on her ear. "Well, I suppose...let me finish the dishes first."

"Fair enough. Meet me in the shower."

A smile cut across Claire's lips, a knowing knit tightened her brow as she watched Yun leave the kitchen. A slight shake of her head got her back to her task, though now with a bit more haste.

It was mere minutes before the two reunited in the designated place, smirking and stealing kisses as they undressed. As I'm sure most of you have guessed, getting rid of the daily grunge was only half the reason behind all this. Hardly that, more like a convenient afterthought as the pair took turns relenting to ecstasy. And it didn't end there, once they were actually clean. They simply adjourned to the bedroom, never mind they were still dripping wet and naked. But it didn't matter, this was their time, their space.

Their sanctuary.

Claire would sleep that night untroubled.

(-)

It would take nearly two months, but Claire at last forced herself to make time for a sit-down with Prof. Feywood. She thought her instructor was easily the most soft spoken person she had ever met, was certain the woman didn't even possess anything other than an inside voice. Though it wasn't a problem for her to hang on to everything she said. The darker skinned woman with platinum hair had the most unusual accent, one you couldn't _not_ give undivided attention to.

Claire shifted in her chair a little, anxious.

"Thank you for coming, Miss Farron." the instructor took her seat, the chair hardly registering her weight, and her nimble legs crossed. A real class act, this lady.

"Sorry it took so long."

"Not at all. I'm sure you're busy. Besides, you seem the type that does things on their own schedule."

"Sure." she swallowed. "But you wanted to talk about my senior project?"

"I do."

"But that's not until next year."

"I know." a gentle nod, a slight smile. "I was hoping that bringing it up now would give you enough time to get where you need to pass as far as skill. I've already decided on the subject matter."

"Oh?"

"Yes." her fingers laced together in her lap. "Humanity."

"I..." her expression morphed with uncertainty. "I don't follow."

"While the interpretation is completely up to you, I feel the need to give you some...parameters to work within. As unfair as that sounds."

Claire's expression shifted again. Something still wasn't quite adding up.

"You're good, Ms. Farron, don't doubt that for a moment. But there are some areas, I've noticed, that you appear to avoid. I would love for that to change over the course of the following year, and in order to give you a passing grade for the course in good confidence, it's a necessity."

Claire swallowed again. "W-what do I need to do?"

"Two things," Feywood held up two fingers, "I need to see at least one example of the human form, as that seems to be the least studied subject in your sketchbook so far. Also...I want you to tell me a story."

"What?"

"Another thing that has been lacking is your ability to tell a story of some kind with your free form work. Your theory is sound, though all that tells me is that you know the material I've been teaching. Not that I'm saying that's bad," she assured with a nod, "it's what I expect. Still, I feel like you're capable of a great deal more then what you allow me to see in class."

All the while Claire's surprise and uncertainty made residence on her face. Though the professor only smiled.

"I'm sure it sounds like I'm giving you a lot of restrictions,"

"N-no, no, I understand." Claire stuttered a little, "there are standards I have to meet."

"Good, I'm glad to hear that. On that note, I'm willing to give you license to come and go as you please. If you find yourself better able to do what you need to complete the assignment outside of the classroom, I won't count any absences against your grade."

"Really?"

"I've told you what I want to see, and I know you need time and space to decipher for yourself what that means. But do come by once a week to get your sketchbook grade, and let me know if you have any questions or wish to discuss it further."

"Um, sure. Okay."

"Do you have any questions?" she was positive of it due to the look on the young woman's face.

"No, not really." Claire shook her head, standing up and pulling her backpack onto one shoulder. "Thanks, professor."

"Any time, sorry to keep you so long."

Claire only put up a dismissive hand as she let herself out and headed down the hall toward the auditorium, quietly hoping she wouldn't get any flak for being late. On the contrary she would stroll right into the back stage area without a peep from anyone, leaving her to drop off her bag in comfort and catch up with the other students to find something to do.

"Maestro wants all the stage lights changed, some of them were flickering during last night's rehearsal." One of the other students seemed to notice her presence as he straightened and addressed her. An early twenty-something name Vaan, though most of the other guys called him fuck face for some reason Claire hadn't been made privy to. "The flood lights are done, we've still gotta get the spotlights up there."

"What are we waiting for?"

"The ladder."

Claire's face scrunched. "Where are the bulbs?"

"On the table behind the curtain." Part of him knew the second after he finished speaking that he shouldn't have said that, knowing damn good and well what she was going to do. Sure enough, she was gone by the time he ducked behind the heavy canvas and velvet of the curtain, along with the larger than average bulbs for the overhead lights. He shook his head with a roll of his eyes, both while stepping out onto the stage towards the piano where the professor tickled away on the keys.

Setzer was glasses deep in the score for this week's recital, waiting for the orchestra to show up for rehearsal when the young man called out to him.

"Yes, what is it?"

"Farron's gone spider monkey again."

The professor hit a sour note with a stray finger, and shrugged. This wasn't the first time it was brought to his attention that the newest addition to their backstage crew seemed to refuse to believe in ladders. This was not a new thing, and while he usually sent one of the other students to coax her down, that wouldn't be the case today. Perhaps if he gave the order himself she would finally take it to heart. With reluctance in his heavy hanging shoulders he stood up, stiffening his back as he came beneath the scaffolds and crossed his arms. He had to squint through the rectangle lenses of his glasses to find the human shape among the steel and shadows.

"Miss Farron, would you come down please? Let's not have an accident."

"I'm almost finished." was her echoing response from above.

"That's all well and good but," and he was forced to pause, his mouth ajar for a moment. He could see her moving from one light to the other, which normally didn't phase him aside from the fact that she wasn't using the catwalk. She was going about the frame work as if it was her own damn jungle-gym, and with all the confidence in the world, like it was nothing. All this time he thought the "spider monkey" handle was just a figure of speech.

The heavy steel door behind the curtain swung open, Mrs. Gabbiani striding through with the usual spring in her step and grace in her stride. "Maestro, is everything all right?" She spotted her husband, the look on her face, and she had to ask. "Are the lights done yet?"

"Almost." he didn't even look at her.

"What's going on up there that you-," she mimicked his posture and answered her own inquiry. "Oh my. Young lady, get down from there!"

"No, no," Setzer touched her arm.

"Excuse you, don't you see how dangerous this is? Do you _want_ a lawsuit?"

"Of course not but...just watch."

"Setzer, you should really..." and she had to pause, eyes widening and tracking the motions overhead. "How did she-,"

"I know, I asked myself the same thing." Setzer was grinning like a fool by now.

"But there's a ladder!"

"She knows. She didn't feel like waiting that long."

"Is this a regular thing?"

"To my knowledge, yes."

They both flinched at the sight of Claire dropping one of the large bulbs. The idea of glass scattering across the stage was only a minor inconvenience, but it was the quickness and ease the young woman bent backwards, knees and legs anchored in the scaffolding, to completely invert herself and catch it that made the two instructors gasp. She maintained the posture long enough to call Vaan to bring a garbage bag and hold it open to drop the spent bulb inside. Then, as easily as one stands, she straightened herself and went back to the task at hand.

"Sweet gods above." Ceres shook her head again, a palm near her mouth. "I don't suppose you know anything about her, because I don't."

"I've hardly ever spoken to her, she started only a few months ago, a transfer from Kain U. Other than that," his shoulders hiked a moment, "nothing." Then his eyes shifted to his wife. "I know that look."

"Not like I'm trying to hide it."

"Don't you think if she wanted your class, she would have taken it from the beginning?"

"You said the same thing about young Mr. Mahri, too." and now her astonishment was replaced with a cunning curiosity. "And now you have an award winning tenor."

"True enough. Care to make a wager?" now Setzer was sharing her mood, the same grin, though smaller, on his pale features. "Twenty gil sound fair?"

"Oh come now, we're professionals." she waved her hand. "No less than fifty."

"Fair enough. I think you'll miss that money, though."

"We'll see. You know damn good and well that I can be quite persuasive."

"Don't I." he laughed. "Once she comes down, we'll see what happens." Setzer went back to his piano after that, hearing the clatter of bodies coming through the doors on the far end of the massive room. Time for orchestra rehearsal.

Ceres would wait but a few more minutes for Claire to come down, the job done and all of the spotlights working as they should. The instructor would have to walk after her a ways, the young woman seeming to totally ignore her presence. Claire recognized her, knew she was a teacher, but she wasn't _hers_ at the moment so she went on her way knowing Mrs. Gabbiani wouldn't have anything else for her to do.

"Farron, is it?"

She paused, half turning. "Yeah."

"I don't think we've ever been introduced." Ceres smiled and extended a hand, receiving a half-hearted shake from the student. "I'm the dance instructor, Ceres Gabbiani."

"Okay. Did you need something?"

"I was just wondering, actually...how is it you did all that...up there?" and with one finger she gestured appropriately.

"I just do. It's quicker." Claire was starting to feel the need to get away, to find something more important to do.

"Are you a gymnast?"

"No." she wasn't even sure if she knew what that was, but was quite sure she didn't fit the term.

"Then how is it you're so strong? You move about up there as easily as you walk."

Claire paused for a fraction of a second, a mild panic vibrating through her. But she was all right, she had an answer. "Martial arts."

"Oh, is that so? I guess that makes sense. So, tell me, have you ever thought about taking up dancing?"

"No." a definitive answer.

"I think you'd be terribly good at it."

"I would've taken the class if I wanted to."

Ceres could hear her husband's words ringing in her head, her smile faltering a little. "Would you be willing to humor me and try it just once?"

Claire's face scrunched, a mixture of confusion and frustration. "Why would I do that?"

"It's something new, it might be fun," Ceres was searching for other reasons, "don't you want to expand your horizons?"

"On _my_ terms." The frustration on her face was winning out over the confusion now. Claire didn't want to lose her cool over this, but it was starting to sound like a valid option.

"That's why I'm just asking for _one_ class, one _hour_ if that's too much to ask...isn't that a fair compromise?"

"Then what's in it for me?" Claire crossed her arms. She knew what that word meant; both parties giving to get a little back.

"A passing grade for the rest of term, regardless of your attendance?"

"I can get that on my own, thanks."

Ceres shrank a little. Usually that's all it took. "Well," she swallowed, thinking, "wouldn't the experience be enough?"

"Assuming I want it to begin with?"

"Just imagine it!" Ceres lit up in the most peculiar way. "This theater sits nearly two-hundred people, it's standing room only during the senior review! We have people from all over to country coming here, even scouts from Lindblum and the local newspaper!"

The color left Claire's face with a shudder. She gave the instructor a severe, scathing glare for all of a second before giving a final, punctuated "_no_". Then she turned and skulked away, going for her backpack back stage to pick it up and promptly leave. Her only thought now was getting back to the apartment, leaving Mrs. Gabbiani in a state of shock. Her heart pounded, her body throbbing as she hurried out of the building to where her bike was locked outside with several others. Once the chain came undone she climbed on and pushed across the parking lot, neglecting that usual last trip to her locker as she turned off of school property and into the bicycle lane of the main highway.

She wouldn't remember most of the ride home, she almost forgot about traffic lights too, just avoiding a collision with a maroon sedan as she sped through a crosswalk. It barely phased her, all she heard was the roar of the car's horn, and all she did was look back over her shoulder, still going like the devil himself was on her heels. Claire reached the apartment complex in record time, and she went right past the main office, not even realizing she hefted her bike up several flights of stairs to her floor. She skipped the elevator, it wasn't fast enough to suit the panic that had settled in.

There would be no peace until she locked herself inside of the apartment, her back against the door and her heated, sweating face in her slick palms. The hype of the rush was slow to dissipate, and as it did she became aware of the other symptoms. The body wide shakes, the twisting in her stomach, the inability to breathe deep enough. Gods, it was like the night terrors, but wide _awake_! She felt the burn of tears in her eyes but forced it back, biting her lips as she held her breath, her insides pushing outwards. Claire slid down until her backside hit the floor, then she tucked her knees in tight and put her balled fists against her head.

The cellphone in the thigh pocket of her shorts chimed and buzzed, damn near scaring the life out of her. With a gasp, swearing, and hard bodily jolt she fought with her clothes to reach the device, taking a calming breath before answering.

"H-hello?"

_"Babe, you all right?"_

"Uh-yeah, I'm fine, just fine," she was nodded, maybe trying to convince herself as well, "just had a bad scare on the ride home. No big deal."

_"You're not hurt, are ya?"_

"No, I'm okay."

_"You sure? I could come home,"_

"Really, it's nothing."

_"If you insist...but listen, I'm gonna be late. Likely won't be home 'til tomorrow, so don't wait up for me. Order yourself a pizza or somethin' okay? You know where I keep the spare change, right?"_

Claire swallowed the lump in her throat before answering with an unsure "Y-yeah."

There was a considerable pause. _"You don't sound too good, darlin'. You gonna be okay by yourself?"_

Claire actually faked a smile. "I'm a big girl, Yun. I'll manage."

_"Well, ya can't blame me for worryin'. Guess I'll see ya in the mornin' then. Love you."_

"Love you too, be careful."

_"You bet."_ and then a click.

With one hand holding her head, elbow propped on her knee, she closed the phone with the other. She contemplated it a moment before letting her entire body relax, her limbs dropping. For the better part of several minutes she sat there, trying to process what just happened. Now she felt fine, collected, calm, no longer riddled with the need to hide.

But what need was there to be afraid now? She was home.

And as the following weeks carried on, the apartment would become what Claire felt to be her only refuge. She couldn't decide if it was the stress of the day-to-day or the almost all-consuming worry of the condition she refused to acknowledge, but something was causing a sort of... shrinkage. Like the walls -wherever they may have been in her mind- were closing in. It was a terrible, gut wrenching sort of sleeping anxiety which she shoved down like all of the other feelings she didn't want, never once thinking it as damaging -as destructive- as she would see it become.

Author's Note: Still trying to get the feel for this one, but I think it's coming along all right. Setting the stage a bit more with this chapter, but I'm going to have to do some real thinking for the next one. Hope to see you there, and if there are any questions, feel free to ask. Thanks for tuning in.


	4. Chapter 4

**For I Have Sinned**

**Chapter Four**

_I'm okay. I'm not sick. I'm fine._

It was a daily chant now as Claire would wake up tired every morning, more often than not somewhere _other_ than her bed. Before it was maybe a time or two a month, but as the last collection of weeks rolled by and into the new year, it -alongside the nighttime episodes- was almost weekly. And she didn't display the usual surprise anymore. Instead she wondered if Yun was aware of it, aware of _anything_ going on with her. If she was, the detective made no evidence of having such knowledge. She certainly didn't say anything about it. Yet Claire couldn't help but be suspicious. Her lover had a look in her eyes these days, a guarded despair and the look of someone lost.

Did she really know, but didn't know what to do about it? Did she not know what to say, how to say it? Or was she afraid to say anything? That was a fair guess...

Claire's temper had swelled, something she wouldn't let herself deny for an instant. It was a buzzing irritation just under her skin like sandpaper, and it left her just a stray glance away from a flash of anger. It could be over nothing, just a tone of voice she didn't appreciate, and she would feel a tangible _need_ to be aggressive. Like it was the only natural reaction.

While she was aware of this latest...symptom, Claire was still certain there was nothing wrong. From her standing, she thought it just something else she needed to learn to get a hold on. Anger was part of being human, something you grew to control. She just needed to adapt. Like always.

She was so focused on this seemingly minor detail that she never realized everything was starting to unravel, to come down around her. She didn't make note of how that quiet anger followed her everywhere, to school and home again, even when going out with Yun it was nestled in her back pocket. Still, one good day was enough to make her forget all the bad ones, shore up her straw-man argument that she was _okay_. Subconsciously, she thought she had fooled everyone. Herself included.

But that feeling only lasted so long. And it deteriorated so fast.

You could say the foundation really started cracking just as spring was nearing its end, the final semester of the year settled in. Claire managed back into the routine from a two-week break for the holidays, seemingly business as usual. She got up after Yun had left for work, in her bed for a change, and prepped for the day. She spent several minutes looking for her backpack, swearing up and down it was on the hook on the inside of the bedroom door. She would discover it on the kitchen counter, knowing for fact that she hadn't left it there. With a shake of her head she picked it up, beginning to pull it up one arm as something else on the counter top caught her eye. At first glance it was just the mail, nothing impressive, something she picked up every evening when she got home from school. But there was something else, she didn't recognize it. It took but a second to read it, a pamphlet of some kind.

_Trained counselors are available 24-7_..._all calls confidential_...

Claire ignored it, pushing it beneath the other envelopes in the pile without any audible reaction. Though in the very back of her mind she had that irritating scratch of frustration. It followed her to school, and she tried to shove it into her locker with her backpack with a visible tightness in her jaw. The feeling would ease a little as she settled into Mechanics, Mr. Highwind having hooked up a radio to the PA in the room so the students would have a little music to work by. But it was the seemingly mindless work that helped her level out, knowing what needed to get done and how to do it quickly. She would force it down a little further during the lunch period, not realizing she had skipped breakfast until she was standing in line to pay. After leaving the register, she promptly shoved a burrito in her mouth with finding an isolated enough seat being more of a secondary thought.

Halfway through her plate, Claire looked up from a waistline that had suddenly come into view, following denim and cotton upward from a gaudy belt buckle to find bright blonde hair and dimples. Cheeks full of food, jaw working on it, Claire just stared.

"Can I sit here?" the girl asked, a slight squeaking sweetness to the request.

One rosy brow vaulted, only to collapse a second later as she relented consent with a nod, tucking her plate a little closer to her. She made no attempt at conversation, that's not what she came to the commissary for. She just wanted to finish her meal and get on with her day. So the solid minute or two of silence was expected, all the while the girl across from her refused to break the unrequited eye contact.

"My name's Rikku," she started, "we take Creative Writing together."

Claire only nodded, content to continue shoveling her food where it was meant to go.

"I take Journalism too, in fact I'm headed there after this. I actually had a by-line in the Eden Sun last year."

Another nod, still no words offered.

"Speaking of which," she started again, suddenly unable to maintain that heavy stare, "I've been feeling like I've seen you somewhere before."

Claire felt the need to lift a single brow again, failing to see what the connection was supposed to be. Though, in all fairness, she was more focused on the home made twinkie in her hand.

"It's kind of been bothering me since the semester started, like it was on the tip of my tongue."

"We've never met." Claire finally grunted, lips tucked around still full cheeks.

"Oh, I know, but I know I've seen you before."

"You said we had class together."

"I _know_, but somewhere _else_."

Claire could almost feel something in her tensing...this girl needed to find somewhere else to be. Fast.

"Then, just yesterday, I _remembered_," and that gaze came right back, her mildly tanned face alight with some sort of excitement. Her entire upper body leaned across the table, much to Claire's discomfort. "You're Claire Farron, aren't you?"

"Who?" the reaction was somewhat knee-jerk. "I'm sorry, I don't know who you're talking about."

"No way you can fool me," the smile that cut the girl's mouth was smug, "my uncle covered that story since the bust at old Farell Municipal."

"I'm telling you, you're mistaken."

"Not a chance." She inched a little closer, green eyes narrowing. "And after that big break last year? I'd know the 'hellhound of the underground' _anywhere_."

Claire felt herself go cold as her body slowly straightened and she swallowed. Even if she wanted to say something, she couldn't.

"I know, great headline, right? It looked epic in print! I let my uncle have it once he promised to toss some of the money my way. But listen, I was thinking, what about letting me interview you?"

The tension in her mind had spread throughout her body, and widened eyes couldn't focus on one thing as she began processing what was happening. She could only react, her body snapping into a standing position and away from the table. She snatched up what remained of her lunch and dumped it in the nearest garbage can. She dropped the tray and dishes, the clatter ringing through the room, when she realized Rikku was still following her.

"Come on, think about it," she kept trying, keeping pace even as Claire all but ran to escape into the hallway. "Just hear me out!"

"Leave me alone." she growled over her shoulder, pushing herself a little faster.

"Inquiring minds want to know!"

Claire twisted into a break-neck sprint, disappearing around the nearest corner before the journalist could fathom someone moving so fast. She didn't bother giving chase, but managed a short lived tantrum consisting of a whining oath and a stomp of her foot.

The fear was settling in, that terror that had stopped sequestering itself to her sleeping mind. Her heart rippled violently in her chest, neck-and-neck with her lungs heaving for air. Claire would duck into the first bathroom she came across, grateful once she realized it was empty. She couldn't even think about slowing down until she had the paper-thin security of a bathroom stall's four walls latched shut around her. Still gasping for breath she slumped against the concrete of the handicapped stall, sliding down to the cold tiles on the floor, hot palms pressing into it with white tinted knuckles. Sweat was already rolling down her neck and shoulders, between her breasts.

Again she was feeling that horrible restraint of an iron box, sealed tight and only shrinking. Her impromptu sanctuary was suddenly feeling like a death trap. Her insides struggled to be outside, but all she wanted was to disappear inward. Claire held her breath, tucking her body until the top of her head pressed into the tops of her thighs, her fists at her ears. A body-wide tremor, tension mounting, winding tighter and tighter, molars creaking under the thrall of a clenching jaw.

_Shove it down...shove it _down_...you're in control. You're _fine.

But not fine enough, she would find, not to put one foot through the wall of the stall with the sharp exhale she forced out. Thankfully she was still alone, no one near enough to hear the jarring crash that surely echoed out into the hallway. Worry and frustration mixed over her features, a grunt erupting as she pulled herself free and stood up. From there she would hurry out, though not too quickly, and make her way to her next class. The maintenance guys could deal with what she left behind.

From the second she entered the classroom, Claire knew Prof. Feywood was onto her. If not for the suspicion, surely she would've sensed it when the art instructor gestured for her to come into her office while the other students were already working. With a heavy swallow she would shut the office door behind her, the other hand cinched tight to the strap of her backpack.

"Please, sit, it's good to see you. Here for your sketchbook grade?"

Claire only nodded, taking a seat and starting to almost frantically fish through her bag for it.

"Speaking of which, some tea while I go over it?"

"Oh, um...sure."she pulled the sketchpad from her bag and passed it across the desk. Prof. Feywood accepted it, opening its first few pages before setting it down. She kept a low maintenance coffee maker full of hot water in her office for just such occasions, which made the business of a cup of tea no trouble at all. She passed the paper cup to her student before taking her seat behind the desk and starting into the newest pages of the sketch book.

All the while Claire kept her eyes down, staring a hole into the bottom of the cup in her hands. The quiet that settled in some seconds later was damn near lethal. Claire never realized the subtle stewing in her seat, how her body telegraphed an itch to leave. One foot started bouncing in place, more ill-at-ease manifesting.

"Forgive me for seeming too personal, but is everything all right?"

Claire's gaze jerked upwards, meeting her teacher's, a mild tension working in her chest at the question. "Y-yeah, I'm fine."

The artist's delicate features creased a little with a sense of disbelief. "You're sure?"

Another nod, quick, to the point.

The professor sighed a little. "I know college can be stressful," a sympathetic smirk graced her mouth, "especially in the final semester. You'd probably be surprised how many young people I've sent home from my classroom with anxiety attacks."

Claire didn't respond, though her palms were still heated and sweaty.

"Just let me know if there's anything I can do to help, won't you?"

"Sure." a quick, rehearsed answer coupled with another nod meant to stop the conversation.

Another silence set in, though this one a little less trying for Claire as she took a few sips of her tea. The heat soothed things a bit, calmed the charges in her nerves.

"I'm happy to see you're doing more with colors," Feywood smiled, "though I'd like to see less neutral ones. Not to say it's wrong, it's just a personal preference." she turned a few more pages, nodding for the most part. "Well," she paused.

Claire's brows arched, her hands clenching and almost crushing the cup.

"You've been taking my advice," a smile of approval, "was this a photo reference or a live model?" Feywood lifted the sketchpad and showed her the drawing she was referring to, a portrait of a young man with short, platinum shaded hair.

"Th-that I did from memory...the next one I had him sit in for me."

"Oh, I see! What a wonderful idea, I can't believe I never considered it before."

Claire actually felt a little pride, almost smiled as she watched her instructor flip another set of pages.

"These are quite good, Ms. Farron, I'm impressed. I knew you had it in you. And what about these? From memory too?"

Claire had to lean closer to see what the instructor referred to, a collection of full body sketches. She felt herself redden, some of them being nudes. "Th-that's my girlfriend. Ph-photographs."

"She's pretty."

Claire cleared her throat, mentally berating herself. She remembered taking those pictures -with a digital camera she received from Jack as a Solstice gift-, remembered sitting down at home and copying them by hand, but how could it slip her mind that she put them in with her school work? She swallowed hard again, suddenly feeling the need to go home.

"I like what I see, Ms. Farron." the instructor eventually nodded. "The only thing I would have to say is that you maintain your current efforts. Any progress on your senior project?"

"N-not quite yet. I want to get a little more confidence in this," Claire nodded to the sketchbook as it was passed to her, "...then we'll see."

"Good answer. I would love for you to study over the summer; you're taking that semester off I take it?"

"I was planning to, yes."

Feywood stood from her desk and went to a nearby bookshelf, pulling a few volumes into her arms. "I think these will be helpful, keep them as long as you need. You're making wonderful strides, but this should get you through the summer without me."

Claire filed through them as she let them sit in her lap a moment. Anatomy, Anatomy in Action, and Cloth and the Human Frame. All three she needed more practice with.

"And you can always come here to get some one-on-one if you feel the need."

"Thank you, professor."

"Of course, in fact," the instructor bent over her desk with a pen, scrawling on some scrap paper, "here's my number, you can leave me a message any time."

"Oh, um, sure," Claire wasn't sure what to do or how to feel about it as she stared at the digits. "Okay." and she tucked it into her back along with everything else, zipping it up before downing the last of the tea that was now cool enough to rush with.

"Was there anything else you needed before you head out?"

"No. Not really. Thanks again, professor."

"You're welcome." And Feywood watched her leave, her brow steadily knitting with a sort of concern. She had a terrible feeling something wasn't right, and Claire's most recent sketches only reinforced the idea.

Color -or lack thereof- was its own language, deciphering what it all meant an exclusive art form, and Feywood was fluent enough to be worried. Aside from the anatomy, what she pulled away from the pages was someone trying to excise something they perceived as negative. Something they were aware of, but failed to give a definite identity to, as if they were avoiding it. What Claire had allowed of it to manifest showed itself in the darker shades of red, mostly surrounded by black that was void of any gray tones. The absence of lighter tones, of white altogether, spoke of concealment, maybe even isolation. And the red, mostly revealed in mostly abstract shapes -a concept she never knew Claire could pull off so well- represented the negativity. The way it stood out against the darkness made it obvious. Like everyone -whomever that could be was anyone's guess- was aware of it, but no one was willing to acknowledge it.

Peculiar, fascinating, but mostly troubling.

_(-)_

Claire would manage well through the rest of the day, seemingly too busy trying to focus through the low simmer of arousal that had settled in to bother with her earlier anxiety. She had her sketchpad open on her desk, her creative writing paper work covering it up, allowing her a convenient, covert peek every now and again. The sketches weren't picture perfect, but they were good enough. She almost couldn't pay attention as she stirred in her seat, legs crossing tight. Claire didn't bother to make note of how that blonde journalist student sat right behind her, even though she could distinctly sense eyes boring into the back of her head. It wasn't so much that she refused to take notice, but there was no room left in her attention to allow it any space. Her thoughts were consumed with Yun, anxious wanting pulsing through her foot that bounced while the teacher proceeded with her lecture. Sweet gods, this class couldn't end fast enough.

When the lecture was finally finished some hour and a half later, Claire was the first one out of the room, practically yanking her cellphone from its pocket in her backpack and pounding out a text message as quickly as her fingers allowed. She put it in her pants pocket once the message went through, hurrying to where her bike was hitched to make a last locker visit before heading home. She had just locked the steel container when she felt the telling buzz against her thigh.

_Still at the station, everything okay?_

Claire quickly responded. _Fine. Are you going to be home tonight?_ And she waited but another minute.

_Don't see why not. Something up?_

She pinched her bottom lip between her teeth, still so anxious. _Just need you home, that's all._ and part of her prayed Yun would catch on to her intentions, though was ready if she didn't. After all, it's not like texting conveyed any sort of emotion or intent.

It buzzed again in her hand as she was getting back on her bike.

_Got an itch only I can scratch, sunshine?_

Claire almost laughed, though she did manage a smirk. _In the worst way. I'll be waiting._ And she shivered at an electric charge beneath her skin as she pushed into a healthy clip across the parking lot. A pace she maintained throughout the trip home, taking her along numerous side streets as short cuts to get there that much faster. Her attention was divided between minding pedestrians and traffic, and a slew of lewd images of her lover. Still, somehow she would make it back to the apartment in record time, failing to bother with stowing her bike in the superintendent's office and going straight for the elevator. She knew damn good and well that Yun wouldn't be home for a few hours yet, but she just couldn't help herself.

Once in the door she tossed her bike against the wall and slapped the lock shut before squirming out of her shoes. Claire moved about the dwelling in some sort of hurry, an energy spike running through her that she couldn't explain. All she was certain about was that she needed to bring herself back down, or she was bound to be nothing but fumble-fingers when Yun arrived. She started straightening up the apartment, almost obsessively so.

But with that done she didn't feel any more settled and still had more than an hour to kill. So she moved into the kitchen to rummage through the cabinets for dinner ideas, cursing at herself for not having stopped at the store on the way home. Though she couldn't rightly remember if she ever intended to in the first place. Never mind, so much time so little to do. Claire would make due with the idea of breakfast for dinner, finding some bacon in the fridge and everything she needed for either omelets or pancakes. Both of which could be thrown together in a half hour should Yun want to eat first.

Claire unconsciously prayed she wouldn't.

With the apartment damn near immaculate, and the kitchen in the best state possible, Claire found herself idle again. She walked the entire apartment twice more before realizing it might -just might- be a fair idea to get a shower. A quick sniff-check made it a clear necessity, one she tried her utmost to take time with. The hot water managed her anxiety a little, though it did nothing for the throbbing heat in her loins. She couldn't remember a time she had been more desperate.

She would duck into the bedroom afterward, towel twisted into her hair instead of covering her naked body. Claire checked the side table clock habitually, almost manic as she went about gathering her clothes. She tossed a tank top and a pair of black fatigues on the bed as she pulled them out of the chest of drawers. Before wriggling into her clothes, however, she snatched a certain something from Yun's side table, aiming to please.

Now all there was to do was wait. And the next half hour would feel like forever.

Claire heard the lock on the door turn and liked to have jumped out of her skin as she sat on the sofa. She tried to hide her anxious excitement -albeit from herself- as she stood not-too-quickly from the couch and moved into the dining room. Her breath hitched when she caught Yun's knowing gaze.

"Hey, darlin', ya miss me?" the detective shrugged out of her blue blazer and shoulder holsters to hang them in their usual places.

"Stupid question." Claire crossed her arms, one hip cocked.

"Well, ya know how it is, gods know I can only garner so much from a text like that." Yun smirked, smug. She could see a slight blush in Claire's face, a quickness in the way her eyes tracked her every movement, and her fingers curling in a sort of spasm against her toned bicep. Damning evidence indeed. "Could ya stand to wait until I got my boots off at least?"

Claire replied with a series of quick strides across the floor, a definitive "no" translated from the firm snatch of her hands in Yun's button-down shirt. She tore Yun down to her level, to her hungry lips, all the while rising on her toes just to cross the distance between them that much quicker. She could feel Yun smiling against her mouth, that along with the detective's scent tempting the urge to bite those pretty lips. Instead she pushed against her, enthused encouragement until Yun's back met the wall, until Claire had worked one leg between her thighs.

"Damn, darlin'," Yun gasped, "lemme lock the door first, eh?" and with a little laugh her blind hand fumbled for the deadbolt. Claire forced Yun's legs around her waist just as she managed the lock into place. All the while Claire jerked at the tucked in shirt, freeing it from the belted waist so she could touch Yun's skin. Goosebumps rippled over her body just as Claire's low growl vibrated her very bones. Yun felt the blunt scrape of teeth at her throat as Claire lifted her upward, away from the wall and started to carry her towards the dinning table.

With almost too little care she deposited Yun on the table, her hands now free to once again cinch in her shirt. It took three tries to tear the shirt open without blowing any of the buttons, something Yun had warned her about a few times before. Claire shivered at the gentle scratch of Yun's nails on her scalp as she delved into the cleft between her breasts with her mouth. Her hands went for the clasp at Yun's back next.

"I said boots, not boobs, love," another small laugh as she bent, reaching for the laces of her shoes. Somehow she accomplished the task through an ever reddening haze of lust, pushing them off her feet to the floor. A good thing too, as it was the only chance she would have.

Claire pushed up against her, demanding more kisses as she pushed the shirt down her arms, letting it bunch at the detective's wrists. Then, somehow, she managed to twist and tie the garment just so that Yun's hands were now effectively restrained behind her. An amused yelp erupted.

"If I'd known ya wanted to play it like that, I'd have come home sooner." Yun gasped between kisses, trying to maintain her balance on the table. Something that became more and more difficult as this wild tryst continued. Claire snatched a flushed nipple into her mouth and she nearly fell flat on her back.

Claire hadn't said a word, there were none to say. All she was focused on was Yun, being surrounded by her scent and her warmth. Having her body grinding against her own, clutching it with her hands, tasting it. She didn't need to speak, she just need this, needed _her_. And she knew Yun understood. Just as the detective was quick to understand as Claire pulled her closer.

One dusky brow raised sharp, intrigued at the unexpected firmness pressing at Yun's center. "Is that what I think it is?" and she grinned a cat-like grin when Claire only nodded, her hands easing towards the clasp of her belt.

Next thing the detective knew she was on her stomach, bent over the table, and her slacks around her knees.

_(II)_

The day was busier than usual for Serah, several emergency calls from patients needing an impromptu visit. That coupled with her scheduled appointments made it impossible to answer the one personal call she got mid-afternoon until she closed shop for the day. Locking her office door finally allowed her to feel isolated enough to check her cell.

She found Yun's number on the screen, but no evidence of a message. Either the detective didn't have time to leave one, or it wasn't serious enough to warrant the effort. In any case, she hit the right selection of buttons to call her back, waiting through but a few seconds of dial-tone buzzing before the telling click on the other end.

_"Oerba speakin'._

"Hey, Yun, I noticed you called earlier. Sorry I missed it."

_"Hey, Serah, thanks for makin' the effort. Been a while since we talked, thought you'd want an update."_

"Sure. Is everything all right?"

A long pause carried over the line, worrying the younger Farron. _"Dunno, t'be honest. I mean,"_ another pause accompanied by the dull thud of what sounded like a closing car door in the background. _"You know Claire...she's been a little odd since the Solstice party...more so than usual."_

"Yeah." Serah sat at her desk, crossing her legs and lounging back, thinking. Claire had been avoidant the entire evening of anyone unfamiliar -and since Jack threw the party, that accounted for a majority of the guests. And while that was typical, the behavior was much more noticeable. "Has it gotten worse?"

_"Not consistently, iffin' that makes any sense. Did I tell ya I found her hidin' under the bed a couple weeks ago?"_

"Why?" Serah tensed, straightening.

_"Poor thing was beside herself,"_ it came over the line as a somewhat saddened shrug, _"said one of the teachers at the university followed her to the apartment."_

"_What_?"

_"I looked into it, and she wasn't entirely wrong. One of her teachers from last semester came to check on her, hadn't seen her, said she got the address from the student records after Claire didn't answer any calls. It all checked out and, while not illegal, it certainly chapped my ass."_

"So she hid under the bed," it wasn't a question, more of a studying repetition. "That's new to me."

_"Tell me about it, she wouldn't leave the apartment for the rest of the weekend. It seemed to taper off after that, goin' back to somethin' like normal again. But it's slowly been...I dunno...escalatin',"_

"How so?"

_"The sleepwalkin' is a weekly thing now...and the nightmares. Some days it's almost like she's someone else, an' I don't like it."_

"What about the pamphlets? Have you been giving them to her?"

_"Been tryin' to be discreet about it,"_ another shrug, _"didn't want to shove it in her face, ya know? But I don't think she's takin' to it. I'd leave 'em out in the open, thinkin' maybe she'd at least think it over...I find 'em all in the trash."_

Serah was shaking her head, her brow tightening in the middle, shadows darkening her eyes. "She's still convinced there's nothing wrong." she thought aloud with a shrug of her own. "Any other things out of the ordinary?"

A pause, Yun's breath hitching across the line. _"Well,"_

"What?"

_"Dunno iffin' ya care to hear about your sister's and my personal time, but I think it might be connected."_

Serah unconsciously made a face. "O...kay, sure, if you think it means anything."

A little laugh on Yun's end, a somewhat nervous one. _"Damn...I expected ya to tell me off."_

"Just give it to me straight, Yun."

_"...Please tell me you realized what you just said?"_

She made the face a second time. "Could we stay on the subject?"

_"Sorry, couldn't resist. Still...I mean...Claire's more inclined to let me take care of her -so to speak- she tells me what she wants and I oblige. On occasion she just takes what she wants, which is fine and all...but somethin' just wasn't right last time."_

"You're going to have to give me details." Serah sank in her chair a little, really not wanting what she just asked for.

_"I know, I'm gettin' to it...ya know I've been with men before, and I'll admit I miss that kind of proddin' from time to time. Claire's kind enough to indulge me...though recently it wasn't about me at all. To tell the truth she's never acted like that before. When she's got the reigns she's attentive, almost too careful -gotta remind her I can take it, ya know?_" then she stopped, the tone of her voice belying there was more.

"Are you saying she actually _hurt_ you?" Serah chanced the guess, as terrible as it would make her feel if she were wrong.

_"I hate admittin' it...but yeah."_ a small grunt as she shifted in the driver's seat. _"Sittin' ain't much fun and I got a nasty bite on my back I'm too scared to look at."_

"_Please_ tell me you brought this to her attention?"

_"Not yet. Almost afraid to, honestly. I just...I dunno how she'd take it or if I got the energy to handle the fallout."_

Serah sighed again, shaking her head. This was bad, and it could stand to get worse real fast. Yun sounded tired, and the idea of her fearing Claire's reaction was a terrible sign as to how far the situation had soured. It was the makings of a disaster.

"You want my honest opinion?"

_"If you wanna give it, sure."_

"I think it's time to be more active about this, no more passive hints. You need to tell her what her behavior is doing to you."

_"She won't listen, I know she won't and so do you. One hint of the s-word and she'll shut right down."_

"It has to be done, Yun, or it'll only get worse. She could hurt herself next time, and I know you don't want that."

_"'Course I don't, wouldn' dream of it."_

"Then it's best you take my advice. She listens to you, Yun, better than any of us. Your bond with her is unique; what you say _will_ have an impact."

_"Sure, but what kind? No way I could even begin to predict her reaction to me comin' out and sayin' I think somethin's wrong with her. Six months ago, sure I could, but..."_

"What if dad and I were there with you? Would that make it any easier?"

_"Can't say I know much about that either. As sharp as Claire is, she might get suspicious seein' the both of ya."_

"That's fair, but if you're this worried, I'd discourage having this conversation with her by yourself."

_"But what if I ain't got time to wait for backup? One thing I'm sure of is if she brings it up, I ain't hesitatin'."_

"Which is all well and good, but if things turn violent -which is what I assume is you biggest concern-,"

_"Yeah,"_

"What then? Do you have the heart to treat her like an aggressive suspect?" Serah swore she heard the detective wince over the phone. She certainly sensed it. "Could you put cuffs on her for your own safety?"

A sigh carried over the line. _"Shit...you got a point. Gods be damned."_

"Just try and hold out until this weekend. I'll get my dad and have him call Claire. She won't be so suspicious of him wanting to get together for no reason."

_"I hate bein' so underhanded about this. Plottin' on her this way..."_

"You don't have a lot of options at this point. We tried the easy way."

_"Yeah I know. Still don't like it, though...just doesn't seem fair to her."_

"All we can do is the best we know how." Serah shifted in her chair, hunching to put her elbows on the desk. She rubbed her eyes with her thumb and index finger. "Is there anything else you feel the need to tell me?"

_"Nah, can't think of anythin'."_

"Okay, keep me updated. You can call any time."

_"Sure thing. Thanks for talkin'."_

"No problem." and then there was a click, a sound that made her stomach drop.

_(-)_

Yun shifted in her seat one last time, pulling the seat belt across her chest as she stuffed the cellular into her blazer's breast pocket. Part of her felt incredibly awkward, clearing her throat as she turned the key and the engine growled to life, though another part of her felt relieved. These kinds of things weren't easy to talk about, want to or not, and talking to family can sometimes make it that much harder. But now some of it was off her chest, and for that she was grateful. The feeling was short lived, however, as Yun swallowed at the thoughts now filling her mind. How on earth was she going to bring this up to Claire?

_Hey darlin', did ya have a nice day? I was hopin' you and me could go out for dinner tonight. But before that, I think you should know my hind parts didn't take kindly to your savage abuse the other night. Oh yeah, and somethin's wrong inside your brain pan and I think you need to be committed._

Yun chastised herself at the thought. That was blowing it way out of proportion. Not a chance in hell she could ever bring herself to say something like that.

_It ain't that bad_...

But Yun couldn't make herself believe it anymore. It was the comfortable lie she'd been force feeding herself for the last few months. In a way she was just like Claire, she didn't want to think something was wrong, and the idea to the contrary all but broke her heart. Maybe some naive part of her, that same part that loved Claire so much, had hoped she had done Claire some good. That these years of love and understanding and patience had made everything all right.

Thinking of it like that only made Yun realize how stupid it sounded. Things were never that simple. That shit's for fairy tales.

With a quiet oath she finally put the car in motion and started home.

The ride didn't seem long enough for her, it didn't give Yun near enough time to get the words straight in her head. Hell, it could've taken an entire day to get back to the apartment complex and she still wouldn't feel right about it. She was still rehearsing things in her head as she stepped on the elevator and then off again once it reached her floor. Nothing was going to work.

She took a breath. It might not even happen right away. Maybe she had a few days yet.

Yun felt a noticeable weight settle onto her shoulders when she pushed through the door, raising her voice over the jingle of her keys, "Darlin'? I'm home."

It didn't appear that anyone else was in the apartment, all the lights in the living room and kitchen dark. Yun set her blazer and holster in their usual places before bending down to unlace her boots, leaving them by the door. "Claire?"

"I'm here." came a casual response from the bedroom. "You're early."

"Yeah." Yun opened the first few buttons of her shirt and unbuckled the belt in her slacks as she eased forward, towards the kitchen. "You still in your pajamas?"

Claire propped her shoulder on the wall, arms crossed yet relaxed. "It's a teacher's work day, so no classes. But I've been studying...just didn't see a reason to change clothes."

Yun nodded, her brow knitting as she turned to hunch into the refrigerator. "You okay? Sound kinda down."

"I'm fine." the response seemed reflexive.

Yun straightened with the milk carton in her hand, turning again towards the counter, now able to see her lover's face. She had that sort of...distance in her eye. Yun maintained her scrutiny as her hands searched for a small glass and found it without error.

"Maybe you've got a little cabin fever. Wanna go out tonight? We'll even go to McBardigan's if ya want."

A pause, then a hesitant, "No...I'm all right. Really."

"How 'bout a movie then?"

"I don't...I don't really want to, thanks."

Yun was quiet a moment, long enough to pour a glass and empty it, returning the milk carton to its place and rinsing out the glass. Then she eased out of the kitchen and went to Claire.

"You're sure? 'Cause ya don't sound all right."

"I'm _fine_." it was almost a growl as Claire pushed passed her, drifting into the kitchen. "Stop asking...what do you want for dinner?"

"Like I said, I wanna take you out." Yun didn't follow her, still unconsciously trying to measure up the situation.

"And I said I didn't want to go."

Yun could see Claire from where she stood, watched her crouch in front of an open cabinet full of pots and pans, not really looking for anything. And she was scowling. Hard.

"Why not?"

"I just don't."

"But you're always cooped up in here...ya never go anywhere except school and back."

"What's wrong with that?" Claire put a little more bite into the response.

"Nothin'...just wonderin' what your hidin' from."

Claire stood up with a surprising quickness, a snap of motion that put her eyes level with Yun's. "I'm _not_."

"Sure could've fooled me." Yun crossed her arms and shook her head a little. She couldn't go toe-to-toe with that heavy stare. "C'mon, Claire, tell me what's wrong."

"_Nothing _is wrong. So what if I just want to stay home? It doesn't mean anything." Claire could feel it now, that low simmer under her skin was starting to flare. She didn't like these questions, didn't like Yun's pushing. What part of "I'm fine" didn't she understand?

Yun said nothing though there were easily a million things she wanted to say. Every last unspoken comment seemed too insensitive or too underhanded, so she bit her tongue against them and turned away, walking towards the bedroom to dress down further. When she returned, now in a comfortable pair of sweats and a t-shirt, she found that Claire was now beside the dinning table, though her expression hadn't changed.

"Why do you keep bringing those home?"

"Wassat?"

The response only seemed to make Claire's scowl harden. "Those pamphlets. I saw one in your back pocket."

_Shit. Guess today's the day after all._ "Ya want the honest truth?"

"Naturally."

Yun nodded, her eyes low and away, head half turned. "'Cause I keep holdin' out hope that maybe you'll use 'em. You sure as hell ain't talkin' to me, so..."

"There's nothing to talk about."

"Yeah there is, darlin. You just don't wanna." Yun saw the change come over Claire's face and felt her heart twist in a knot. She seemed disgusted.

And that disgust quickly morphed into something else. "So you _do_ think I'm sick."

"I never said that. I'm just think you got a lot of hurt in ya, and it ain't goin' away just because you shove it down. Like it or not, Claire, you're a victim too."

"_Don't_ call me that."

Yun watched as her entire form tensed, and she felt herself flinch. Yun bit it back, still convinced the woman she loved wasn't someone she should be afraid of. Saying nothing of her sense of caution.

"Darlin', there's no shame in it." she continued, almost hesitant. "You know we're all here for ya, but we can't do anything unless you let us."

Claire started shaking her head, throwing her hands up. "There's nothing wrong-,"

"The hell there ain't!" To be frank, Yun was sick of the denial. She felt her heartbeat vault at her own boldness. "Ya wanna see the bruises?" She tugged up one sleeve, "Those are _yours_."

Claire felt her insides freeze as she spied the dark purple row of finger prints on Yun's bicep. No, she couldn't have done that...she would never...she loved Yun too much to hurt her like that. And that's what she _tried_ to say, she tried to deny it, but all she could manage was to let her mouth hang open.

"I'd show ya the rest, but judgin' by your face I don't need to." and there were more. A matching set of fingerprints on her other arm, her hips, and stripes across both thighs from when she damn near went through the dinning table. "But do you see now? Do ya see what I'm seein'? What all of us have been seein'?" And Yun watched her, hopeful, anxious, not entirely sure of what she was waiting for.

Claire couldn't find the words to say, if there were any, and she couldn't bare to look at Yun. Not for a second. Her heart was pounding, she could feel a fine sheen of sweat across her body, and she was fighting against a distinct urge to gasp for air.

_No, I don't see it, there's _nothing_ to see...it was an _accident_...accidents happen...there's _nothing_ wrong with me...I'm all right...I'm _normal_..._

When the silence persisted Yun eased forward and around the dining table, to Claire's side, but not too closely. "Please, darlin'...talk to me. We can work this out." When she reached to touch her, Claire pulled away. An almost instinctual, practiced jerk.

She crossed her arms and took two sizable steps away from Yun, shaking her head again. "I'm fine."

Yun bent over the table, palms slapping down to yank Claire's attention back to her. "What am I doin' wrong? Was it somethin' I did..._said_...when did everything change, Claire? If it's my fault, for gods' sake, _tell me_!"

"It isn't your fault," Claire countered, "nothing is wrong."

"Stop feedin' me that line, sunshine, 'cause I ain't swallowin' it any more." Yun's dusky tresses tossed about her shoulders as she shook her head. "I can _sense_ it. Something. Is. _Wrong_."

"_Stop_!" Claire snapped, fists jutting down to her sides. "Just _stop_."

"Not this time, I'm drawin' the line." and Yun watched as her expression morphed, slowly, as she continued to speak. Morphed into something vicious. "I understand ya didn't mean me any harm, but what if it happens again, to someone else? Not everyone is gonna be as understandin' as me. We need to get this under control."

"I'm in control!"

"No you're not! You're a _victim_, and you need _help_!"

"_I AM NOT A VICTIM!_"

Claire snapped. Before the last of the wild testament left her lips her body was twisting into a physical reaction. There were no thoughts, no inhibitions against her instincts, only anger. She pulsed with it, hands clutching the edge of the nearest object -the dining table- as her entire body _pushed_. The piece of furniture lifted off the ground as it flipped end over end, making a full rotation in the air before making a collision. It was a piece of junk by many standards, but you wouldn't think it by the heavy sound it made. She watched, suddenly feeling so helpless, as Yun's head snapped back, her hands covering her face. The table had hit her, the edge of it connecting with bone, and sent her reeling back until she hit the wall. Without a sound she slumped to her knees and then fell over. Still. Claire felt the air in her lungs press outward as her ribs threatened to collapse inward. She started to shake, sweat, her jaw working without forming words.

Gods' sake, what had she done?

The anger was snuffed out by the sudden, swamping fear, and all she could think to do was run.

Author's Note: Still not sure how I feel, only that I need to do this. Not too sure why I can't seem to manage working on much else as far as writing goes, and I'm thinking about canceling another project. Mostly because the ideas aren't really panning out. Though "Blood from a Stone" is still on the table. I guess I just got a lot going on in my life right now, not enough room in my head for some of this stuff. Oh well. If you're enjoying it so far, great, if not, well...you know.


	5. Chapter 5

**For I Have Sinned**

**Chapter Five**

Jack Farron was an early riser, always had been. Today was no different, as the sun wasn't even up when his alarm clock went off and he started a pot of coffee to help him through the morning. While it brewed he showered, shaved, dressed, and watched the morning news. At six he was ready to walk out the door and head to work, per the usual. It seemed like just another day, nothing out of the ordinary. The thought never crossed his mind of anything unusual happening. Then he opened his front door to find someone already standing there, waiting on him.

His glasses slid down the bridge of his nose as his salt-and-pepper brows rose upward. "Claire, wha...how did you get here?"

"I took a bus." came a meek, tight-throated response.

Jack looked his daughter over, still somewhat disbelieving. Especially when he processed the fact that she was still in what looked like pajamas, and had no shoes on. The look on her face made his knees weak, she looked afraid. Even lost. "What happened? Are you okay?"

Claire crossed her arms, chin dipped and eyes down as she was silent for but a moment. Then her face scrunched, her body shuddering with a restrained sob. "No. I'm not."

For a second he couldn't breathe, his heart wrenching. He reacted to his first thought. "Come on inside," he tucked an arm around her, shocked she didn't shy from him, "have a seat on the sofa."

He watched her find a place to settle, feeling his heart clenching tighter as she put her face in her hands. Jack had never seen her like this, a part of him wasn't sure what to do. If there was anything that could be done.

"Um, c-can I get you something, sweetheart? Coffee?" then he remembered, she didn't like coffee. "Or I have some tea, if you like that better." But he forgot all about that when she didn't answer, and just started crying. Still he went to the kitchen all the same, fishing for his cell phone in his back pocket. He punched in a number, receiving no answer the first time.

The second time got him a groggy rumbling voice on the other end.

"Mr. Mahri, sorry for waking you, it's Jack. Look, I'm having a bit of a...family crisis...I need you to open the pharmacy for me...I know you work tonight, I could cover the shift for you. Oh you would? You're sure? Thanks for that...take an extra half hour on your break then. If you can't pull off the whole day, just call me. I owe you one, and thanks again." after hanging up he set the phone on the kitchen counter, pinching his bottom lip between his teeth as thoughts raced between his ears.

He would make his way back into the living room, arms crossed and his face still creased with worry. Jack would eventually sit in his worn leather recliner beside the sofa, nearest his daughter, propping his elbows on his denim clad thighs.

"Does Yun know you're here?" he started gently, and he watched, troubled, as Claire raked her scalp at the sound of her girlfriend's name.

Still, Claire composed herself as best she could, took a deep breath as she straightened. "No. she doesn't."

"So what happened?" And he waited quite a while. Several tense minutes passed without a word. "You know, sweetheart, you look exhausted. How about we talk about this later?"

Claire was laying against the back of the sofa now, her head tipped up with her eyes on the ceiling. "I'm not sleepy."

"Well...I've got a spare bed -for when your sister visits, you know- and you could go lay down if you want."

"I don't."

The worry lines in his face thickened. "At least let me get you a couple pillows and a blanket. Let you get comfortable."

She wanted to snap at him, tell him in excruciating detail just how uncomfortable she actually was. How no amount of pillows or blankets would fix it. But she knew he was just trying to help and bit the urge back. "Okay...and I'll have some of that tea if you're still offering."

"Of course." and he felt a mote of relief when he stood, finally feeling useful. Though it was a marginal change, his mind still fussing as he worked through the kitchen. What on earth was he going to do? How could Yun not know where Claire was? How was that even a potential reality? Those two had been attached at the hip for as long as Jack could remember, longer still if he went by Serah's account. Something...he feared the worst at what could have separated them.

Back into the living room, Claire took the tea cup and saucer carefully and with a quiet thank you. Jack then disappeared down the hallway and into the guestroom to gather the pillows and a heavy quilt from the bed. He would set them in a pile on the far end of the sofa before returning to his previous seat, to his previous position.

His breath caught, words trying to straighten in his head. "Sweet heart, listen...I...I think I have a feeling of what's going on, but I still need an explanation. And chances are real good that I'll call Yun about it too. I need to know -for sure- what's happening."

Claire was staring into her cup, body tight on itself, knees gathered near her chest. "I don't know if she'll answer."

Jack felt himself flinch, unsure of what to make of the response. "Well...in any case...you don't have to tell me right now, I'll understand if you need some time to collect your thoughts and all...I just...you need to talk to me. _I_ need you to."

Claire looked at her father, face unreadable, and eventually nodded. She understood what he was asking, why, but was unsure how to react. So she didn't, only gave him the answer he was hoping for.

Well, not just the one he had been hoping for, but it was the only truth now. The truth, the reality that Claire had been refusing to see for months.

But was it too late?

_(II)_

It could only be one person that would call at such an hour, in the dark A.M. Vanille had groaned and rolled over per the usual, not at all surprised as she made out the identity of the caller through squinting eyes in the darkness of her bedroom. With half her face pressed in the pillow and the phone against her ears she beckoned the question.

Her elder sister's voice was only so recognizable coming over the line, and it wasn't because of the sleepy haze of just waking. Vanille immediately asked what was wrong, if something had happened, to which Yun answered neither. She only said she needed a doctor, but didn't want to go to a hospital, and asked if Vanille would be willing to come to the apartment. She insisted with no small slur that it wasn't crucial, and she could come whenever it was convenient, but you can imagine how much of that Vanille actually accepted. After Yun hung up -seemingly unconsciously- Vanille more or less jumped out of bed and squirmed into the closest casual clothes she could get her hands on. Hope roused himself from bed as well after she had switched the nightstand light on, ignoring his girlfriend's assurance that he didn't have to come along.

Eventually the two got in his care and made the near hour drive across Eden to Yun's apartment.

Vanille was already on edge after the call, having the length of the drive to let it stew in her mind a become steadily worse as she guessed what could possibly be happening. By the time they arrived, the sky still dark enough for street lights to be lit, she was convinced Yun had gotten slap-ass drunk again. Vanille was expecting to find her sister face down on the floor and in a halo of her own sick by the time they reached the door. Though she was equal parts relieved and terrified at what they _did_ discover.

Worry swamped the younger Oerba when the found Yun's door already open. Her and Hope both went sprinting down the hall, calling out to her before pushing passed the threshold. They found her on the floor all right, though propped on the wall. Dried blood circled her mouth and across the bridge of her nose, streaked her hands and stained her t-shirt. There was a great spot of it on the tiles of the kitchen floor where her head had been laying as she was out cold for the last few hours. Her cellphone on the floor just beside her.

Both were gaping at the sight from the doorway while Yun managed to lift her head and greet them with a cracked smirk and a lackadaisy wave. The two of them managed the detective onto the sofa, like dragging a rag doll full of rocks, all the while she tried to speak.

"Whaddya doin' here?" her wounded brow wrinkled, curious. "Said it...no big deal. Could've waited." And when she laid up against the cushions, the motion being too sudden, she let out a terrible groan. Like one about to toss their cookies twenty feet.

"You should've called _sooner_." the younger sister scolded as she pushed Yun's head back, the pad of her thumb pressing upward on her protesting eyelid.

"S'cuse me, then. Ow, that's bright." She winced as Vanille put the shine of a pen light in her eyes. "Wasn't awake to...dreamed I was at Hilda's titty-bar down the street...an' when I woke up," the first of several, brief instances, "everythin' was pear-shaped. Couldn't make top or bottom of it."

"I'll start cleaning up." Hope said in passing.

"Hold on a second," Vanille stopped him, just for a moment. "Did someone break in?"

Yun had her eyes shut for a moment, then made a visible effort to open them, to focus. "Nah, no, go ahead if ya want. This ain't a crime scene."

"Then what happened?"

Yun shrugged, shrank against the sofa, her eyelids drifting again. "That thing we were all worried about."

Vanille's face twisted, confused momentarily, then one lifted. She looked around the apartment, suddenly realizing something rather crucial was missing.

"Did...Claire did this?"

"'Fraid so."

"Where is she now?"

"What?" Yun's expression cinched. "Now...I know I'm a little socked-stupid right now but...say that again?"

"I don't think she's here." Vanille looked at her sister, stone cold serious.

"No...no, that ain't right. She wouldn't leave...she...ch-check the bedroom." Yun winced and put a hand to her head as she pointed towards the short hallway with the other. Eyes screwed shut, she listened as Hope followed her direction, disappearing for less than a minute, and then reentered the room. He was shaking his head.

"I even checked under the bed.." He said, worry inching in on his tone.

"Shit," Yun grumbled, "I gotta go find her."

"_Sit_." Vanille knew she would try to get up, and promptly stopped the attempt with a firm press of her hand. "You're not going anywhere, not like this."

"Don't fight me on this, Vanille, ya won't win." and she pushed on her hands to try once more to lift herself from the couch. Vanille simply reached out with one finger and jabbed the bridge of her nose, where she could see the skin was split almost to the bone. Yun immediately recoiled, hands at her face muffled oaths passing between her fingers.

"Now sit still." the younger Oerba demanded, relieved when her stubborn sibling decided to comply. From there she went to the kitchen for a washcloth and some warm water to clean the blood from around her sister's face.

The young nurse would find Yun's nose broken and the bruise spreading wide enough to blacken her left eye. Not too severe, not nearly as bad as she was fearing upon first seeing the injury. Unfortunately there was little she could do for it except put a small bandage over the split, and give her some over-the-counter headache relief in a nasty tasting cold medicine that knocked her flat on her back. She passed out on the couch within a half hour, leaving Vanille and Hope to tidy up the apartment. It wouldn't be until after the sun came up that she would come out of it, Vanille having only given her half the usual dosage. It was long enough for Yun to get her thoughts back together, for the rattling between her ears to stop.

When she woke, fully came to, she found that Vanille was the only other person in the apartment.

Yun groaned as she hunched over, elbows on her thighs. "Where's whats-his-face?"

"Hope went out to get coffee and doughnuts. Thought you'd appreciate some breakfast."

"Sure I do." she nodded slowly. "Thanks for comin' on such short notice, by the way. For tiddyin' up too."

"Did expect me to do anything else?"

"Nah, but I bet ya still like the gratitude." she sat up slowly, eyes squinting at the few stray traces of morning light coming through the curtains. "Thank gods I'm off duty today...Sazh would've had my ass in a sling. What time is it?"

"Almost seven-thirty." Vanille answered with a small sigh. "So...what happened?"

Yun massaged her temples a moment, cringing. "Like I said...what we were all fearin'...I said that, didn't I?"

"Yeah. Though I'd like more details than that if you don't mind."

"Well, ya drove half-way cross the city, I suppose I owe ya that much." Yun frowned, eyes down, chin resting on her folded fingers. "It didn't start out so bad, I came home early, wanted to take her out for dinner. Just the two of us, y'know? We hadn't in a while so...she didn't want to...I asked her why and...it just spun out from there."

"How so?"

"You know how Claire is about not wanting to talk about things, personal things that is...she got mean about it when I wouldn't drop the subject."

"What did you say?"

"What I've been thinkin' and feelin' for the last few months." Yun threw up her hand, volume of her voice raising also. "I told her the truth, that I think she needs help...needless to say she didn't agree."

"So she threw furniture at you?" Vanille could barely believe it, even as she said it out loud.

Yun shrugged. "That's half the problem. That temper of hers ain't so stable, her moods in general really. Been gettin' worse and worse for the last couple months, since the Solstice party at Jack's place."

"You're sure it's not just the stress from school?"

Yun swallowed a bubble of frustration, reminding herself that Vanille hadn't been in the loop about Claire's problems. The last Vanille had even seen her was at the aforementioned party. "Nah, I don't think so. I mean...there's always a chance...still, she was about to take the summer off, don't see that as bein' too stressful."

"Does Serah know about all this?"

Yun nodded. "She's thinkin' PTSD."

Vanille made a face, mildly surprised. "Really? I guess, now that I think about it, that makes some sense."

"Makes _a lot _of sense. But," she paused, brow lowering over her eyes, "don't help us much right now."

"Do you have any idea where she might have gone? Does she have any friends that live around here?"

"If she's got any friends she hasn't told me about them. I ain't got clue one."

Yun's cell phone then began to cry from it's place on the coffee table, a ring tone identical to a police siren. She reached for it without a thought, a force of habit really, and put it to her ear. She didn't even look at the number that flashed on the small screen.

"Yun speakin'."

_"It's Jack, are you all right?"_

"Oh, uh, yeah, I'm fine. But I got a funny question for ya,"

_"Is it about Claire?"_ his tone was flat, totally serious.

"Damn, you're good at this game."

_"She's here. I was about to head to work and found her at my doorstep. She's okay...well, she isn't physically hurt."_

Yun let out a heavy breath, her shoulders sagging. "Thank gods. How did she get there?"

_"Said she took a bus, but the nearest station is almost eight miles from my place. Poor girl didn't have shoes on."_

Yun swallowed. "Same here, though it might have been three miles on my end, still...but she's all right?"

_"As much as you would hope. She's asleep on the couch right now. But what about you, young lady, are you okay? Claire said you might not answer if I tried calling, it worried me."_

"Nah, I'm fine, Jack, thanks for askin'. My sister's here, got me squared away."

_"Did she hit you?"_

"Not directly, no." she put a hand over the back of her neck, rubbing as she stretched the truth. "I'll live." she cringed a little at the sound of the older man's shrug carrying over the line.

_"She hasn't told me yet, but I'd like to know how all this came about. I want to know both sides of it."_

"That's fair." Yun nodded, a then recited the events leading up to the present as best she could remember. She didn't exaggerate, she didn't redact, it just came out plain and simple.

_"I apologize for all this, Yun."_

"Nothin' you need to apologize for. I'm just hopin' now she realize somethin' ain't right."

_"I think she's beginning to...but you know it's not going to be easy for her...not for a long while."_

"I know." she felt her heart sink. "Should I...I dunno...do you want me to come get her or...what?"

_"Not right away, no. I think we might want to give her some time to...whatever she needs to do. Unless...are you thinking of pressing charges? She assaulted you, after all."_

"No-no-no, that's not where my head's at in the least," she assured him, "that isn't necessary. But...maybe you're right. Some time away might be the best thing for her right now."

_"I'm inclined to agree. Though I'm not trying to say you're making the matter worse-,"_

"I'm not takin' it that way."

_"Okay, good. I think you're one of the best things to ever happen to my daughter, and I mean that._"

"I know, Jack, and thanks. But I know what you're gettin' at." As much as she hated to admit it. "The space might help her out."

_"I'll keep in touch, though. And feel free to call me, okay?"_

"Sure thing. Speakin' of which, does Serah know?"

_"She's next on my phone tag list."_

"Then I'll let you get on with it. Thanks for puttin' me at ease, Jack."

_"You bet. I'm going to do the best I can, Yun. I promise."_

"I know you will. Take care." and then she hung up, tossing he cellular onto the cushion beside her. Yun fell back against the cushions, looking more tired than she had just minutes ago. The room was quiet for a while after that. Vanille had heard enough of the conversation to get a bare-bones understanding of what was going on, so there wasn't much of a need to ask any questions.

Not another word passed through the room until Hope returned with breakfast, that's when they got him all caught up.

A couple days passed before Yun would hear from Jack again, with those couple of days feeling like forever. Yeah, Jack said she could call anytime, but she didn't want to come off as needy. What was the proper etiquette for this kind of shit anyway? Was getting your face caved in like a first date? Calling them the following day was seen as too forward and creepy, while waiting more than two days is a lack of interest? She didn't know and that, among other reasons, made her feel like shit. Never mind the persistent pinch of discomfort in her sinus from the blow.

Yun would cover up the black eyes with her aviator sunglasses, though it only worked so well. But no one said anything when she took them off. And the bandage, well, she blamed that on slipping in the shower. Made herself and a few of the guys at the precinct laugh by saying she dropped the soap. Though her laugh was empty. She was so damn miserable.

When Claire's father did call again, as she was in the elevator going up to her floor, it wasn't to have the conversation she was hoping for. Yun was chomping at the bit to hear him say she wanted to come home, to maybe even hear Claire say it herself. Then she'd hop in the car and do ninety miles an hour to get there and take her up in her arms, hold her close, kiss her, tell her how precious she is.

But that isn't at all what happened.

_"Claire has asked to stay with me for the summer."_

"...That so?" her heart sank, causing the initial pause. "I...are you okay with it?"

_"I don't mind at all, but I wanted to check with you first. I mean...yeah, she's a grown woman and everything but...you've always looked out for her."_

"Nah, I get it. Thanks for the consideration." though the face she made clearly emoted the emotional turmoil. "If it's what she wants...I'll get some of her stuff together and bring it out there."

_"You don't have to go to that much trouble. I could get her anything she needs."_

"It's all right, I want to. Besides, I think she's got some school work to catch up on, I can bring that too."

_"Oh. Well okay, sure, if you don't mind. I suppose you know what in all she'll need. I didn't mean to seem like I was trying to keep you away."_

"She's your kid, Jack. I can't hold that sort of thing against you." A part of her wanted to, that same part that whined for a Harvey Wallbanger every other once in a while. "How's she doin' anyway?"

_"I don't really know, to tell the truth. Whatever it is, it's been pretty constant. She just kind of hangs out here at the house and keeps me company. Quiet for the most part. I hear her crying at night though. Couldn't tell you why, and I don't think she's aware that I know."_

Her heart twisted, the pain a sharp point beneath her ribs. She took a breath to steel herself against a reaction.

_"She still hasn't told me what happened between you."_

"Claire might still be trying to piece it together in her head. She gets like that sometimes, has to think it to death." maybe she was just saying that so she didn't feel alone in her habit. It wasn't entirely untrue. "Not that it's a bad thing."

_"Of course not. In any case, she's been seeming more comfortable, so maybe she'll open up soon. When do you think you'll be coming?"_

"Early tomorrow, probably. If that works for you."

_"Sounds fine. Call me when you're on your way, I'll fix you a meal for your trouble."_

"Like I said, no trouble. But I'll call anyway so I don't catch ya in your drawers." She tried to smile at the older man's laugh carrying over the line, muffled as all voices over phones are, but couldn't even fool herself with trying. "Take care of yourself, yeah? And tell your girl I love her."

_"Will do. Drive safe, and I'll see you tomorrow."_

They hung up at the same time.

Yun sighed as the elevator doors slid back and she stepped off. _I'll_ see you tomorrow. Not _we_. Why on earth would she notice something like _that_? Why now? Why? Because that's what cops do. They notice things.

And why did that make her so much more...miserable?

_Harvey Wallbanger...c'mon, just one. It'll take the edge off._

Nope. Not today. Not ever again. _'Cause I'm a 'one's good then more's better' kinda gal._

Yun physically shook her head against the idea as she pushed through her door. She put her usual adornments on the coat rack as befitting her habit, but didn't go much further than her holster. Leaving on her boots and slacks zipped and belted, she puttered around the apartment looking for things. She started in the bedroom closet, finding her largest suitcase and pulling it down to open it on the bed. From there she went to the dresser and opened a sequence of drawers going from top to bottom, tossing articles of clothing on the bed as she went, partially aiming for the suitcase.

She fished about two weeks worth of clothes, maybe more. She refolded everything that didn't make it into the vinyl rectangle of the bag, and got it all squared away regulation style. She would find Claire's shoes next, her Chuck Taylors by the front door, and tossed them in the bag too. They were clean, so no worries of tracking anything. From there she shuffled into the bathroom, gathering up the essentials with just a minute of her time. There was a drawstring, nylon travel bag for that stuff, which she also tucked into the suitcase.

All that was left was her school stuff, most of which Claire had kept in her backpack. Yun didn't know what she needed specifically for whatever she was working on, "senior stuff" she had called it the one time Yun asked, so the detective just packed it all up. Some of it had to go in the waning empty space in the suitcase, the backpack simply not big enough to hold it all. Then the lot of it was zipped up.

Yun stared at the luggage on her bed, arms crossed, and chewing on her bottom lip with her chipped canine tooth. She didn't like the look of this, thought it all out of place. Like it shouldn't be this way. The universe was in disarray. Her whole fucking world. It made her sick. But there was nothing she could do. And that, as it stood at the moment, was the worst thing.

She wouldn't sleep in the bed that night, it was too quiet, the bed just too damn big for herself. She ordered Wutai take-out and sulked on the couch for most of the evening. And as the darkness dragged on and she wasn't feeling inclined to sleep, she knocked back a double dose of that cold medicine Vanille had left for her. It put her under nice and slow right there on the sofa, tenderly even, and it was kind enough to keep her from dreaming. She woke early, as she intended, and only wasted the time it took to change into something that wasn't her work clothes before she gathered up the luggage and hefted it down to the car. Yun would make one stop between here and Bodhum, a convenience store for coffee and gas. Then it was nothing but highway.

It was before ten when she crossed the city limits of the coastal resort town, the drive unremarkable or perhaps the driver just too jaded to notice anything. With a great yawn she put the car in park in Jack's driveway, giving her whole body a good hard shake to wake herself more fully. Then she got out, her hind parts protesting after being stationary for the last three hours, and rounded to the trunk where she had stowed everything. She was about to open it, keys in one hand with the other on the trunk lid, but she paused. She decided to go to the door first.

Jack Farron answered not too promptly, coffee cup in his hand and in his pajamas. He shook Yun's hand with a greeting and offered her entrance to the house, which she took as she shoved her hands in her pockets.

"The drive all right? You need anything? Coffee's still hot." he asked casually as he moved towards his recliner. "Have a seat."

"Drive was fine," Yun stifled a yawn, "but I'm all right. Had some on the way over. Though I don't think I'll sit." She wasn't expecting an extended stay, certainly didn't feel comfortable enough to even if she was offered the chance. She crossed her arms. "How's she doin'?"

"Claire's still asleep I think."

"Did she know I was comin'?" it was genuine curiosity, Yun's brow knitted and everything.

"I mentioned it, at least I'm pretty sure I did." Jack rubbed the top of his shiny head, unsure. "Though...I'm thinking she's not wanting to see _anyone_ right now. Not even Serah."

Yun swallowed, her eyes low and away, not liking the sound of that one bit. "Somehow I'm not surprised. It's all right though," she nodded with a dismissive hand, "it's a little soon, I guess." and then her hands went back in her pockets.

Jack looked the detective over, noticed the invisible weight hanging on her by the way her body seemed to slouch a little. "You don't look so good, missy."

"Don't feel so good either." and she thought now was the best time to take off the aviators, let him see, see what he would make of it. He didn't say a word, but she could almost feel his surprise. "Sure as shit ain't happy about all this."

"I know."

"Bein' apart wasn't on my Solstice list, Jack."

He saw the hurt, the authenticity in her eyes, and his heart flinched. "I know that too. I felt the same way when Rachel and I were separated for a while...before Serah was born...when we got our shit back together. You love each other...people in love should be _together_."

Yun felt a burning in her eyes and choked it back quick. She wanted to wipe her nose, but knew that would hurt more than it was worth so she just sniffed. "Yeah, 'should' is nice and all, ain't it? Still...I got her stuff out in the car."

"Let me help."

She neither accept nor denied him, but just let him do as he pleased. His house anyway. Though she took the liberty of the suitcase and left him the lesser load of the backpack to take back inside.

"This should be all she needs," Yun scratched the back of her head, hands coming to curve her hips for a moment after they dropped the bags in the living room. "Cell phone is in there, her wallet too. Um...she's got a bank card...tell her I'll keep money on it for her. If she needs anything else...just call me, okay?"

"Like I said before, I'll keep in touch." Jack assured her gently. He was starting feel Yun's hurt now, feel that heaviness in her body, and it was awful. "Do you have to leave now? Maybe she'll want to see you when she wakes up."

"Nah, she made it pretty clear...she needs a break." Yun cleared her throat, sliding the aviators gently up her nose to rest over the bandage. She was feeling the burn in her eyes again, though wasn't too sure she could keep it in this time. "And that's okay. Maybe it'll be good for both of us. Not that I can see how as it stands. Just take care of her, Jack. And tell her I love her."

"Of course." he nodded once. "Have a safe drive."

"It won't be for lack of tryin'." and she laughed, but the sound was empty.

Claire was in the guest bedroom and awake, had been for nearly an hour now, restless. Restless until she tried leaving the room, stopping before she even opened the door when she had meant to go across the hall to the bathroom. She heard the door open, heard her father's voice and Yun's, and it made her freeze. And she listened, feeling the seconds tick by like hours -as the saying goes. Part of her screamed, howled like some wild thing in the night for her to throw that damn door back and run in there, to get on her knees if front of Yun and beg her forgiveness. But she was just too scared. Not the kind of scared she was known for most recently, the kind of fear that just steals your soul. You can't move, you can't say a word. You just can't.

And once the fear settled in like it owned the place, the guilt crept right in after it. And it was hopeless guilt, she couldn't see a way passed it.

She listened as Yun left, the front door closing and the growl of her car's engine in the driveway, as she held sobs back behind her hand. Hot tears rolled down her cheeks. It felt like she was being torn in half. She put her back to the wall and slid down to sit on the floor.

Not a few minutes later Jack would poke his head in. Maybe just checking on her, seeing if she was sleeping all right, who knows. His eyes immediately went from the empty bed to where his eldest daughter had settled next to his leg, and not a mote of surprise crossed his face. He got it. He knew what it was like to be so deep in the dumps the garbage has an attitude. Sometimes all you wanted to do was sit on the floor. And he didn't ask why she didn't come out while Yun was still here. He'd been there too, once. Sometimes all you wanted was to be alone. Just sit on the floor and be by yourself.

"You hungry, sweetheart?"

"Not really." she sucked it down enough to talk.

"Well...you need to eat something. You're worrying your old man with this near-nothing appetite."

"I'm sorry." she looked away from him, rubbing her eyes. "Maybe...yeah, I'll try something."

"What do you want?"

She thought a moment, then looked up at him. "How about I cook?"

"You sure?"

"If you don't mind."

"Of course not." he smiled a little, offering a hand to help her stand. Surprised when she took it. "But would you get the bags from the living room first? Yun brought you some stuff from the apartment."

"Oh-uh, yeah, sure." and she followed her father out of the room. She scurried around the sofa to grab the backpack and suitcase, and retraced her steps in the same fashion to drop the bags on the bed. She decided to go through them later, after breakfast.

The morning meal wouldn't be a big to-do, but they were both fine with that. It was enough for Claire to busy her mind with something productive for a change, something she realized she needed rather desperately. The two sat in the living room and ate, glasses of milk on the coffee table, not saying much. Content maybe in just being in the same room together for a change. Jack fell asleep in his recliner afterward, plate still in his lap. He had to go the pharmacy in a couple of hours, so Claire let him be as she gathered up the soiled dishes for the sink. With the intent to wash them later, she crept back to the guest bedroom.

Claire went through the backpack first, trying to maintain that business in her head. She needed to be sure she had everything. Which she did, for the most part. She would need some canvas for her senior project, but that could wait a while. All her sketchbooks and pencils and pens were there, those were the essentials. She put the supplies on the other side of the nightstand. Then she went for the suitcase, wondering in the back of her mind if she really had accrued enough crap to necessitate the big one. She pulled the heavy gauge zipper around and flipped up the side.

Okay, maybe she _did_ have a lot of stuff.

But that thought was on her mind for all of a half second, her eyes zeroing in on the same thing her attention was now. Under her cell phone and her wallet, there was something else, a paper thin something. And glossy, something that gave off a muffled reflection of the light coming through the windows. Claire slipped it from underneath the other articles, careful, tender, and held it in both hands. Secure. A photograph.

Not just any one, either. It was the photograph of her and Yun at Kain University botanical gardens, in front of the jade tiger lilies. That was -what- four...almost five years ago. Sweet gods, she still had that awful _thing_ around her neck. But she noticed something else, too. She was smiling, albeit a little, in the photograph. Her and Yun were both happy in that moment, and she didn't need the picture to remember that.

On a whim she flipped it over, maybe a knee-jerk reaction to the sudden discomfort she was filled with. There was a message there on the white, card-stock like paper, written in dark blue marker.

_Still love you. Always will._

That discomfort surged, morphed into a terrible pain that forced her to sit down, the photo pressed beneath her palm that now rested heavy against the top of her thigh. She put her other hand to her mouth, quieting the little sobs that started coming.

Author's Note: Strange how good I feel about this one. Kind of like I'm learning to walk again, and I just took my first few steps without holding the hand-rail. It's weird. Still trying to get my groove back, though, so we'll see how this goes. Hope you're enjoying it so far. I know there isn't a lot of action, and it gets kinda cheesy here and there, but you know how it is. It's the story, I'm just putting it down. See you around, folks. For news on this and other projects, check out my DA at .com.


	6. Chapter 6

**For I have Sinned**

**Chapter Six**

Jack should have been scared. Like any parent, he should have been terrified as the first week drew to a close. But he wasn't. Worried, of course, but not afraid in any way. It was because he was familiar. Disturbances at night, the sound of footsteps as he rolled in his bed after dark, unconsciously listening, unconsciously understanding. He knew that trouble on a personal level, and too knew there was little he could do to soothe it at the present. As much as he hated it, he stood by and let it play out as it would. He had yet to witness the night terrors he had been warned about, and was grateful for it.

Jack would always look in on his daughter before he left for the pharmacy in the early morning. Only twice did he find her somewhere other than her bed, once on the sofa and another at the kitchen table, and both times he didn't wake her. Instead he gathered up a blanket and carefully laid it over her. Any more than that made him wary of potentially receiving a similar shiner that Yun had.

The other nights he was relieved to find her in bed, though he never caught her having used the blankets. Always on top of the heavy down comforter, her sketchpad in her lap or elsewhere nearby, and a few other tools strewn around. As if she had fallen asleep while just meaning to rest her eyes, as her father had countless times before with a particularly good book. And sketches were everywhere. Finished and incomplete, they littered the guestroom floor without rhyme or reason. Those, and what he could only assume were maybe half-started essays or something else for another class.

Even this, Jack could understand. It was all part of the process, going through hell to get to heaven as an AA friend once told him.

_Sometimes your soul has to pray to the porcelain god too, Jack-in-the-box. It's gotta get clean, just like you._

For himself, getting his soul clean meant a lot of different things. Getting over himself, his self-imposed guilt, and lots of other skeletons he kept in his medicine cabinet. And in her own way, Claire was doing the same thing. Getting the nasty, greasy black bits out so she could see what needed fixing. Maybe drawing was making the situation real, making her accept -_finally_- that there was something wrong. It's what he was hoping for, anyway.

_Step one, admit there's a problem._

Though, he would always correct himself, this was _so_ much more complicated than his own struggle. From where he stood, he'd have an easier chore of sobering up twice than doing what his eldest would surely have to in the future. Jack had seen it before, during his stint in the Navy, lots of it. Saw a lot of suicides too.

Although, as strange as it may sound the most startling thing about his daughter living with him, was how clean his place was. Jack Farron was no slob, rest assured, but now his home was _immaculate_. Place didn't even smell the same when he came home one afternoon. Almost made him second guess if he had the right house. Strange too was having someone cooking for him again, which hadn't been a reality since before Rachel passed.

"Sweetheart, not to sound ungrateful," Jack started cautiously as he watched her putter about the kitchen, "but I didn't let you stay here just for you to be my housekeeper."

"I don't mind." she responded, not looking at him as she fussed over a boiling stock pot.

"I get that, sure, but you don't have to."

"It's the least I could do."

"What about your school work?"

"I've got all day to do it." Finally she turned, the movement smooth as cotton socks twisted against linoleum tile. There was an innocence to her face, like she didn't understand why he would bring this up to begin with. "Besides, it keeps me occupied. You know...when I'm not working on anything."

Jack nodded as he relented to take a seat at the dining table. That was fair. Keeping your mind busy gave the rest of you a break from your misery, helped keep you together so you had strength enough to worry about it later. The thought quieted any further question he might have had. The two wouldn't start talking again until dinner was on the table. Typical back and forth about the nature of their respective day, any interesting events that might have occurred during that time and all that. Jack complimented the meal, to which Claire humbly nodded.

"Serah called today." Jack swallowed the last bite and wiped his mouth on a napkin. "She said she tried to get in touch with you but you never picked up."

"I was busy." A curt, seemingly rehearsed response.

"Couldn't you have answered one of the messages she left?" Jack raised one eyebrow, sensing something he had once been guilty of.

Claire didn't look him in the eyes, her chin dipped as she prodded the last bits of her meal with a fork. "Guess it slipped my mind." and the sound of her father's shrug made her feel so _sick_.

Jack let it sit a moment in his head, let himself process it while he took his plate to rinse in the sink. He would come back to the table after, folding his hands and leaning on his elbows. His brow was knitted over his eyes, the shadows on his face hiding his concern.

"Honey, listen, don't take this the wrong way," and he prayed and prayed she wouldn't, "I'm glad you trusted me enough to ask me for help. And I'm happy you're here, but I wouldn't have let you stay if all you intended to do was _hide_."

Claire's head snapped up, eyes surprised. Though she said nothing.

"Just hear me out, okay? Please." he put up his hands, his brows raising, internally hopeful. "I know how you're feeling right now, I get it. You're so uncomfortable, like nothing's right, your skin doesn't even feel like it fits the same. All you want to do is shut yourself in," he looked away, steadying himself with a breath, "because you feel ugly."

Claire felt her heart wrench.

"For folks who don't have anybody, maybe that's okay. But you're surrounded, baby. Do you know that? And shutting yourself off from the people that love you, from those that can help, that's the _last_ thing you should do. Now...I know I can't tell you how to live, I don't have the right...but this is my house." after he said that last part he immediately wished he could take it back. "I'm sorry...I mean...I didn't mean it like that. I'm not trying to talk down to you,"

"No, dad, I get it. And you're right...this is your house. I wouldn't be a very gracious guest if I didn't act like it."

"But that's not what I meant."

"Then what do you mean?"

"Well...um," he wasn't prepared for that. "I just want you aware. Your sister wants nothing more than to help you through this. She understands you want your space right now, but not even talking to her...it hurts her. She loves you. We all do, and we're just worried."

"I know."

"And, well," he swallowed, "to be honest...I want you to make an honest effort to reach that point where you're willing to get help. I think...I think it's fair to say that you can't handle this alone."

"But you said that was okay." and it wasn't just a recollection of his statement from some weeks ago, it was a desperate plea for affirmation.

"And it is, Claire, _it is_. But you've got to find it in yourself to _want_ it. No one can force you, I sure as hell won't, or it isn't going to help anyone."

"I..." something inside of her wanted _so_. _Badly_. Just to fly off the handle and beg him for it, ready to do whatever it took to get back home, to be okay again. But another part of her knew that it just wasn't...right yet. "...What do I do?"

"That's the hardest part, darling, trust me. The first question asked and the last ever answered, really. And, honestly, no one can tell you that. You'll only find it if you try, and let others help you try."

"Like Serah?"

"It's certainly a good start." Jack nodded. "And don't think I'm trying to rush you, Claire, that's not what this is about. It's been really nice having you around...just...I don't want you to..."

"End up like mom."

Jack felt his insides jerk. How emotionless that sounded! Oh gods, how empty! He had to suck down the pain of it. "Yeah, to be plain about it...and I lost you once, I don't think I'd be able to handle it again. Do you understand?"

Maybe not how he felt, but more so why he was feeling the way he was. So she nodded. "All I can do is try, daddy."

"I know, and that's all I can expect. But _do_ try to talk to your sister some time, just so she knows you're all right." Jack smiled at her, a little more hope in his face.

"Okay." Claire tried returning the gesture, but found herself unable. So she went about finishing her meal.

_(II)_

The place still felt too big, too quiet. Even after a week now the creeping sensation didn't change. The disappointment of rolling over in the night to find an empty space didn't lessen, nor the melancholy of hearing nothing but her own movements echoing in the apartment. Consciously Yun was well aware of all this, knew the bed was too big, the house too, but still there was a dwindling hope that it was all just a bad dream. A hope that someone would answer when she called out when she returned home from the precinct. But there was nothing now. A silent, empty misery.

But the detective couldn't -wouldn't- allow that to go to work with her. People were depending on her to do her job, and they had to come before her personal problems. Fair enough. That was a familiar feeling, what with her line of work and all. But it was easy before. She wasn't sober before. And while it was oh-so-tempting to jump of the wagon in a double-gainer with a half-twist, she decided to allot herself a little more respect than that. Not that she didn't think about it.

To be honest, going to the precinct was easily the most relief Yun would get during the day. It was her way out, a legitimate reason to leave the apartment and stay away, keep herself busy so she wouldn't dwell on how lonely she felt. It was an excuse to leave early and stay late that no one would really argue with. Besides, she was convinced none of her coworkers were even aware, which was preferable. Didn't need the extra noses in her business.

Yun was sitting in a less than ladylike slouch at her desk when the police chief came by in the early afternoon. He had a manilla folder tucked under his arm, an object Yun had grown to despise over the course of her career. She adjusted her posture and glued on a fake smile of interest.

"Wassat, boss?" she tried to suppress a sudden yawn.

"Got another body." Sazh's usual scowl had settled in his face as he passed the papers forward. "It's officially a serial."

"Shit." she took the folder and set it down. She knew what was in there. "Feds coming in?"

"Not for the time being, they're too busy with other things." By other things he meant the "violence-trafficking" cases that had lined up by the thousands. That was the PC way of saying _dog fights_. "It's just us for now. We'll be hooking up with the other precincts that picked up a body and using the federal extension building as our launching point. At least that's how it was put to me."

"Peachy. Does the press know yet?"

"No, thankfully."

"You just sendin' me?"

"Again, no." he crossed his arms. "I've got a new partner lined up for you, too."

"I don't need a new one." Honestly, she'd been through three in last four years. Retired, transferred, and promoted respectively.

"Well you're getting one." his dark brows raised slightly. "Piss and moan all you want, but that's how it's going to be."

Yun chuffed, a chipped canine showing in a cringe. "Fine. Who's the poor schmuck this time?"

Sazh checked his watch. "Should be here any time now. She's a transfer from the 441st K-9 unit in south central, got about six years on her."

"Ya met her yet?" one dusky eyebrow vaulted.

"Yeah, I interviewed her last week, seems nice."

"Nice don't get the job done."

"Maybe not from where you're sitting, but it's what I think you need."

"'Scuse you?"

Sazh scowled again. "You think I haven't seen the way you've been moping around here lately? Well, guess what,"

"So?"

"_So_, you need to get your shit back together, or you're gonna have to change your residential address to that chair you're in right now. Get me?"

Part of her wanted to retaliate, snap his head off about how much shit she was dealing with right now and he could take his domineering self and shove it where the sun don't shine. But that isn't what she ended up doing. Per the usual, as a good cop should, she swallowed it whole like a kid taking the bad tasting medicine with a less than convincing "yessir," and a nod. He didn't need to be a part of her problems, didn't need the details of how her life was going to shit all at once. Nah, not his circus, you know.

"Just try not to make her cry the first day, would ya?"

"Yeah, no promises."

"Can you at least hold back the racial shit until tomorrow?"

"Depends. If it happens, it happens." And Yun actually smiled, almost laughed.

"Then don't go out of your way, okay? I mean it. I'm too old and got too much other shit to do for you to keep going through these kids like Kleenex." His tone had indeed changed a step or two lower to denote his sincerity. It made Yun's smirk die like the light of a falling star. Poof. "Am I clear, detective?"

"Yes, chief. Crystal, even."

"Good. Now get familiar with that case file, because once she gets here, I want you two on the way to the scene for interviews and to meet up with the other officers." Sazh turned on his heel after that, starting back to his office on the other side of the building.

"Consider it done." she called after him, not expecting an answer as she turned in her seat to face the manilla monstrosity on the desk.

The cursory report said the body of a woman in her twenties, blonde, was discovered early this morning in a garbage truck after a dumpster was emptied on the back end of Khelest Road and Undrashi Circle. Yun recalled that neighborhood with an aged uncertainty, having only been there once or twice. Though she was certain it was a more affluent area, mostly higher end businesses, and not known for a violent criminal presence. Sounded pretty routine. Well, as routine as this kind of crime could be.

Though the state of the body was what tied it all together. Tied it in with the other half dozen bodies that were even now chilling at the coroner's office. The only real difference was the location. Compared to the others, this one was on the other side of town.

The body was in early stages of decomposition, and showed signs of handling in the form of asymmetrical bruising along side others that were obviously left by human hands. No photographs were in the file, though Yun didn't really need them. Her mind filled in those blanks well enough, albeit with a little exaggeration that comes with seeing time and again the horrible things people can do to each other.

What little there was new to read in the file she pushed through quickly, absorbed it, and it left her with an eagerness to begin. The first forty-eight hours of an investigation were the most crucial for gathering information, and she had already lost almost eight of them. This new broad needed to get her happy ass down here and in a hurry.

Speak of the devil and all that. Though this time it would be fashionably late.

Yun was already heading to her car, ready to take off without this chick and get the job done, when someone hailed her with a call of "excuse me" from across the parking lot. She had her keys in hand and everything, but still she paused. Blamed it on reflexive habits. When someone calls -answer, when the bath towel's wet -hang it up, when planning to shoot someone -don't aim for the ass. Though some never really took.

Through her aviators Yun spied a young looking lady in an outfit not too unlike her own. White button shit, sleeves cutting off just below the elbow. Broken-in jeans with a badge fastened to the thick leather belt and black jackboots peaking out. Fair skin and jet black hair tied up in a bun.

At such a brief look, Yun summed her up as squishy. Hard for her to believe she was K-9 material. Hard to believe a stiff wind or a hard sneeze wouldn't put her on her ass.

"Chief Katzroy is in his office." Yun said as the woman got closer.

"I know, but I'm not looking for him." she smiled in an innocent sort of way. "I'm looking for Detective Oerba."

"Fancy that." Yun pulled the aviators up and let them rest atop her head. "And you are?"

"Captain Rinoa Heartilly." she put out her hand, smiling a little wider when Yun accepted and returned the gesture. "Nice to meet you."

"Nice timing. You ready to go, 'cause I am."

"Sure, though, how about we take my car? Most people don't care for my dog too much."

"Um, sure, though I don't mind. I was K-9 once too."

"Chief told me that," she nodded, "it's just a habit. Can't be too careful. Still, I'll drive."

"If you insist." To be honest, she liked the idea of not having to buy gas on her way home tonight. Always a plus.

Captain Heartilly drove an unmarked navy SUV, one of the smaller ones, and Yun could make out the low profile of the lights on the roof. A hidden nod of approval, it was a nice vehicle. Through the mild tint of the windows she discerned the absence of the back bench seats that were the standard for the model, as well as a selection of PVC racks suctioned to the windows holding a shotgun and other police paraphernalia. When the detective literally climbed into the passenger seat, body weight making fake leather squeak, she immediately made out the smell of a dog. Familiar, almost comforting. All these little things made Heartilly's claim that much more legit. Now Yun could believe that she was a handler.

Before the detective could turn in her seat to look behind her, towards the shuffling and panting she heard from the back, a large brown and rust color shape padded to stick its head through the space between the front seats. Dear gods above, what an animal.

Rinoa smirked at her new partner's expression, the same reaction she always seemed to get when people saw her dog. Eyes wide enough for them to pop right out of the socket, like looking at something from another world. While always expected, it never stopped being amusing. The dog was so much larger than the average, and had such a thick coat, it looked more like a bear. Maybe even a lion in the right light.

"This is Angelo." she was still smiling.

"Fuck me runnin'," she breathed, looking the animal over. Its head alone was easily the size of her own torso from collar bone to belly button. Its snout was compact, thick, jowls floppy and glistening on the low edges with drool. Its ears stood straight up, pointed, alert. "What breed is this?"

"Niflehiem Mastiff. The force has only been working with them for a couple years now, and she's one of the first."

"Damn. I'd hate to have this big fella lay into me."

"That's the point. I think we're trying to scare the perps enough they won't want to be bit in the first place."

Yun leaned forward to make eye contact with her, make sure she understood her astonishment. The motion drew the dog's attention to the new human in his handler's car, dark and brilliant brown eyes looking over a big black nose. Yun stilled when Angelo began to sniff her face. In the end the animal seemed to approve, its mouth coming open and a big blue tongue dangling to the side, giving Yun the esteemed privilege of smelling the kibble on its breath.

"Looks like this bad boy could swallow a man's head."

"Bad _girl_, actually."

"My mistake."

"No big deal, I guess it's hard to tell." a little giggle. "You ready to go?"

"Sure thing." Yun pulled the seat belt across her chest without looking, still marveling at the sheer size of Angelo. "Gods damn."

"Yeah, I know. Khelest and Undrashi, right?"

"You got it, lets try and hurry."

The car started, engine roaring. Rinoa ordered Angelo to lie down before the vehicle moved a single inch, to which the dog obeyed without hesitation. Yun found herself impressed again. This girl had that mammoth wrapped around her little finger. Though she would see just how tightly as time went on.

_(III)_

Jack thought it would be a good idea. It got the family together, even going so far as to encourage Claire out of her self-imposed solitary confinement and get her out of the house. He and Snow both had a gym membership, so why not get everyone and go? Never mind how he was always told that physical activity was a great way to alleviate stress, something he thought his eldest daughter had in spades. The four of them piled into Jack's jeep once Snow and Serah arrived at the end of the work day.

The gym was on the low end of busy when they arrived, not quite crowded by an even population of male and female fitness freaks. The evening crowd was steadily working its way out as the Farron family pushed through glass and steel double doors. Serah broke away from the four person pod to step into a Yoga class across the hall while the other three pushed into one of the several cardio rooms. There was just enough room on the rubber matted floor between the machines to stretch, which they took a few minutes to do, before all three stepped onto a treadmill.

Jack started with a steady jog, as did Snow, warming himself up to the hearty three-minute sprint that would come at the end, some twenty minutes from now. It was business as usual as sweat started running down the back of his already slick head, turning his long sleeve gray shirt darker with moisture. He almost didn't notice Claire having yet to start, his daughter still working the buttons on the machine.

"Need some help, honey?" he panted.

"I've got it. Thanks." No hesitation, no other discernible reaction. And not a second later she stepped onto the machine as it started working. Jack went back to focusing on the little timer in front of him, which still had a good chunk of minutes left on it. Ignoring his mild surprise that she went straight into a near full sprint.

Snow was the first one to quit, more of a strength than an endurance guy. He got his bare minimum for good heart health, to keep Serah off his back in the way he didn't like, but little more. After a short break he intended to migrate to the weight room. Jack stepped off the treadmill next, an alarm going off when his timer hit zero. With obvious rubber legs he went to his bag and pulled out a large bottle of water and towel to wipe his face. He stood beside Snow, both of them now propped against the wall to cool down.

Claire was still running, and they watched. Not jogging, not power-walking, but _running_. Her face was a little red, a fine veil of sweat made her cheeks glisten, but she didn't appear to be the least bit tired. Like she had done this -now going on a half hour solid- a million times. Maybe not millions, but she had done it enough times to count. Enough that even after four years of sitting on her duff with school work and cartoons she could still do it with no problem. The only hiccup was when she noticed the two men still standing there and watching when she finished. What, couldn't everyone else run for an hour straight?

"Um, you all right, sweetie?" Jack asked, one salty brow raised.

Claire only nodded as she stepped off the machine, wiping her sleeve across her face.

"Want some water?" he offered his bottle to her as she came close to him.

"Thank you." another nod, a small sip, and she passed it back. "What's next?"

"Well, I'm going to racquetball," his hand fumbled turning the cap back on the plastic bottle. "And-uh, um-,"

"Or you could do some weights with me." Snow finished for him. "Whatever you feel like."

For a moment she just looked back and forth, from Snow to her father, thinking. Just a moment. "I'll go with Snow."

"Okay," Jack responded quickly, nodding and smiling. "See you guys in about fifteen minutes?"

"Sure."

"Make sure she doesn't hurt herself." and Jack gave his son-in-law a serious expression, one Claire had never seen before.

"She'll be _fine_," Snow assured him, his tone seeming practiced, as if he'd had this conversation a dozen times. And he _had_. "See you in the shower, grandpa." Snow had started down the hallway already, Jack's eyes on the back of his blonde head. He hated it when the boy teased him.

Claire followed him into the next room, this one full of mirrors along with more familiar equipment. The main reason she decided to come with Snow instead of Jack. She didn't like the idea of trying something new and potentially frustrating. That was asking for another...incident. Something she _didn't_ want at all, much less in public.

Snow tried starting her off small, her deceptively light build making it more of a reflex than a conscious concern. When he put fifty pounds on the bench to start her off with, she looked at him, arms crossed.

"More." she gestured to the bar with a dip of her chin.

Twenty-five more pounds, her posture didn't change.

"More."

Twenty-five more. She didn't say anything, just shook her head. Not enough. Snow called her bluff, instead adding an additional fifty pounds in the form of a massive black plate, garnering a nod of approval at last. He knew she was strong, but was convinced she couldn't press that much. Even _he_ had a little trouble with that kind of heft bearing down on his chest. And he was a rather stout guy. Still, his face stretched when she settled on her back and grabbed the steel bar and lifted it from its resting place. It held, only a minor tremble in her whipcord muscle arms, and she started doing a steady progression of reps. Some of the other people in the room started watching, some stopping in the middle of a curl or dead lift.

"I'm starting to think you don't need me." Snow grinned down at her.

"I don't." she almost smiled back.

"Then I'll leave you to it." and he went about his own routine, no worries for her safety. This wasn't her first rodeo he had to remind himself.

Claire liked the space. She was in her element here, in a way, and wanted room to enjoy it. It was like having the house to yourself and walking around without clothes on. Just one big. _Fucking_. _Stretch._ And it feels so good.

She would work, try out almost every machine, until she was tired, arms and legs feeling like jelly as the old saying goes. Snow had already gone by the time she was finished, off to the shower as she recalled him mentioning before. A shower sounded great, but she didn't know where it was. Thankfully she wouldn't need to go that venture alone, as she stepped into the main corridor at the same moment her sister and father had. They were both red faced and sweaty, looking to have played that racquetball thing together. Claire could only assume it was some kind of game, like the ones she had seen on TV or heard about at school. She had to wonder who won.

The trio lingered and talked for a short spell, deciding it was time to wash up and head home for the night, maybe get some ice cream or equally unhealthy something on the way to ruin all the hard work they had been doing. From there they made an uneven parting as Jack headed for the men's locker room, and Serah and Claire ducked into the women's.

The gym offered their members showers, water always hot, alongside dry saunas, steam rooms, and hot tubs. A welcoming idea for any tuckered-out gym rat. There were laminated sheets of paper everywhere reminding patrons of proper use and procedure. Shower first, conserve power/water and don't leave you dirty drawers all over the place. You know, those sort of things. Common sense stuff for some, rocket science for others.

"Enjoy your workout?" Serah asked as she and her sister sat on a wooden bench in the shower room, taking off their shoes. Her voice echoed of the tiles that ran the room from floor to ceiling.

"I guess so. Yeah." a curt nod as she pulled off a sneaker.

"Good. You feeling okay?"

"Um...yeah." though the answer sounded tentative. She wasn't sure if that was what Serah expected to hear.

"How have you been sleeping lately? You know, since you started staying with dad?"

Claire felt her brow flatten over her eyes as she pulled off the other shoe, letting it slip out of her hand to hit the tiled floor. "If this is going to be twenty-questions, just come out and say it."

"Oh. Um...yeah." Serah visibly cringed. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I just...I want you to talk to me."

"Then say so."

"I tried, you never answered my calls."

"Doesn't mean you can't say it to my face."

"Ah, fair enough." another slow wince. "I can't help it, I need to know what's going on, I _need_ information."

"I know. So what do you need to know so badly?"

"How you're doing, if anything has changed, you know, the usual."

"Nothing much has changed." Claire shrugged out of her shirt. Now Serah had full view of the numerous old scars that marred her sides and back, a few on her arms. All the marks she tried to hide when she went outside. "I haven't had one of those...what did you call them...terrors? Yeah...I haven't had one of those for the last week, though I still can't sleep through the night. Dad hasn't said anything to me, but I think I still walk around a bit. You know...when I'm sleeping."

"What about nightmares?" Serah was in a towel now, the stretch of fabric cinched tightly around her.

"No more, no less, to be honest." The midnight visions had changed, but they were neither rare nor frequent. Not out of the ordinary.

"Mood swings?"

Claire finished squirming out of her sweaty clothes, grabbing a towel as her sister had to wrap around her. Not that she was shy about being naked, it had never been a bother, but it was the proper thing to do. "Haven't noticed anything new. Now that you mention it," she turned her head, almost looking at Serah, and mild amazement stretched her brow. "I've been...pretty okay."

Serah smiled. "That's good. In case you haven't already guessed, dad and I have been talking about it. He likes having you around, he gets lonely, you know. But even he mentioned how level you've been."

Claire nodded, unsure how to feel about that. Was it supposed to be a compliment?

"Can I ask you something?"

"Might as well."

Another little wince. "Are you having any flashbacks?"

This time her eyes met Serah's, curiosity scrunching her features. "Of what?"

"Anything?"

Claire looked away, thinking. She knew what Serah wanted to say, but had perhaps lost a sensitive way to say it. Why not just come out with it? She didn't need to be babied.

"Yeah." Claire stood up.

"When?"

"Today...about an hour ago." she started walking towards an empty shower stall.

Serah stood too, taking a couple quick steps to catch up. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No." and she disappeared behind a swinging glass door, a dull thud closing the barrier between them, the sound of rushing water sealing Serah out.

Claire turned the water on as hot as she could stand, little bee stings all across her face and chest as it splashed over her. It hadn't been a lie, she had to admit. True, flashbacks were an element to this new normal, always had been, but her previous confession was of the most recent occurrence. The gym, though it was a place she had never been before, was familiar. She couldn't ignore the sensation though she made an honest effort. The energy of the place, the stale, conditioned air all around her, the groan of steel equipment and the whirr of treadmill motors. It snatched a hold of the back of her mind and ripped it back. Years back.

To the hidden room in Raines Manor, that place she called home for the better part of fifteen years. Give or take. Though at the time she recalled she hadn't quite accepted that in her young mind. She might have been ten, maybe older then, but it was before the collar. In fact, she had often wondered if this was what gave him the idea to use it.

She remembered running on a treadmill similar to the one she was on this evening, never thinking something so rudimentary would ever change to begin with. But it wasn't so much the action that called her back, it was the itch to stop. The tightness in her ribs and legs of fatigue that told her to take a break and that she ignored with a sort of child-like fear. Her subconscious wouldn't allow for that, not until she physically couldn't continue.

_Don't stop until _I_ say. That's a good dog._

His voice echoed, bounced between her ears as a sour note. She raked her fingers through her hair, scalp reddening. He made her run until she cried, until her legs quit on her, even until she passed out. For days straight, two to three times a day. Run, run, run. Nothing else. Until on one occasion she simply refused to obey him. Her body burned, her knees and elbows were scrapped from falling on the machine and having it put her to the concrete floor like a mechanical bull bucking. Just looking at that damn machine was making her ribs cramp as she knew they would once she started running, started sweating. Cid didn't care. His dog _would_ obey. Little Lightning just needed the proper incentive, something a quick swat to the jaw couldn't instill.

But an iron chain could. One end padlocked to the machine, and the other looped and similarly fastened around her neck. Then Cid just switched the cursed thing on and took a step back to watch.

Now it was run or hang yourself. What kind of choice was that for a ten-year-old? For anyone?

Gods damn.

Claire felt her body shudder, a sob trying to weasel its way out of her chest as both her hands covered her mouth. She swallowed it, feeling something like a lump in her throat slide heavy into her belly.

_That's not me anymore. I can do whatever I want. _

But you dwell on that bastard. Way to go.

And that memory just made allowance for hundreds of other to come spilling through with all the noise of a truckload of spare change, rancid pennies for her thoughts.

Claire shook her head hard, wet strands whipping against her hot and tender cheeks. She chased them away, tried to stuff the memories back into the dark hole they climbed out of so she could focus enough to finish washing. A shock of cold air brought her back together when she left the shower stall, making her clutch the towel to her that much tighter as she grabbed her clothes and eased along the tiled passage towards the hot tub.

She poked her head in, spotting to top of her sister's head over the lip of the tub and no evidence of anyone else. This let her relax a little, her pace now casual, unhurried. And as quiet as she was, Serah turned to see her when she made it perhaps half way.

"Feel better?"

"Sure." She wasn't expecting Serah to believe that, not that giving a damn was a high priority given her current mood. Though it was a sight better when she stepped into the hot tub. Somehow it was completely different in comparison to the shower. This was soothing, cradling. The shower was all about getting the top layer of skin off.

Serah would give her sister a moment, let her sit undisturbed across from her with her eyes closed, feigning sleep.

"I didn't mean to push too far before. I know talking isn't easy for you."

"Now if you could just apply it." Claire felt the sharpness of her own tongue and winced. "I'm sorry. You mean well, and I need to remember that too. You just want to help." though she heard her father's voice in her head when she spoke.

"I'll admit, I'm glad to hear you say that. It's hard for me to not do anything...not reach out."

"I know. I guess...I'm still trying to figure this all out."

"Maybe you _should_ talk to someone. It can't be good keeping all that stuff to yourself."

And by stuff she meant...you know what she means.

Claire shook her head, the back of it rolling back and forth across the rim of the tub. "I guess...thinking it over...I don't want to spread that stuff around. Bad enough I have to live with it...it doesn't need to be a monkey on someone else's back just so I can feel better." she lifted her head and looked at Serah, inquisitive. "I used that phrase right, didn't I?"

"Yeah, I think so." Serah smiled a little. A small laughed followed it. "Can I ask you one more thing?"

"Promise it's only one?"

"Touche`, but yes. Have you talked to Yun at all?"

For a moment she was silent, eyes low and away, unfocused before she slowly let her head lay back again. "No." she breathed out slowly, giving no explanation. And Serah accepted that.

It wasn't that she didn't want to talk to her. Not at all. Over the course of the last week she would find herself with her phone in her hand dozens of times, each with the intent to call or answer the several texts she had received from her girlfriend. All of them said some variation of "I love you" and "I miss you". She would read them often, hearing Yun's voice in her head with enough clarity to make her heart wrench. Sometimes she even got the phone as far as putting it to her ear, yet to push the green button to initiate the call, so damn close. But no dice. She never followed through.

It wasn't that she didn't want to. Part of her wanted so badly to talk to Yun. To apologize. But...

Claire didn't feel like she had the right to anymore.

Author's Note: Okay, okay, not too bad. I think I've finally gotten on a direct route to getting my shit back together. And let me go ahead and give all the thanks I can muster to everyone who read, and reviewed, and favorited. Thank you all so very much, you have no idea how good it is to see I've still got people on my side who give a damn. It's helping me to get my confidence back, which has been half of my problem I think. To be honest, this story was never really meant to be -I never planned on it being a thing- but its coming along all right. And while the chief element here is Claire's growth and how she learns to manage her problems, Yun has some growing to do too, and what better way than to get her back behind to badge and off to get some bad guys? So bear with me on that, as I'm only in charge of putting this in words. Thank you all again, and hope to see you soon.


	7. Chapter 7

**For I Have Sinned**

**Chapter Seven**

The ride to the scene was awkward. An hour sitting next to someone you really didn't know could be. But Yun felt right at home as they turned a corner and she could see stretches of yellow police tape and other cruisers barring entrances and exits to the sprawling shopping complex. One of a kind boutique stores rimmed the cal-de-sac like pearls on a necklace.

Captain Heartilly parked the SUV near a cluster of other police vehicles after being waved in by an officer once she flashed her badge to him. Yun emerged first, adjusting her blazer, unhinging a wedgie, and sliding her aviators back over her eyes as the sun settled on her face. She smirked when she watched the shaking of the car as Angelo lumbered out of the back. Damn that dog was something.

Rinoa promptly harnessed the dog, leash secure in one hand, and told her it was "time to work". The animal's attitude immediately changed. She followed Rinoa step for step, never going further than the lead allowed or pulling against it. Angelo was perfectly in congress with her handler. Together the trio moved across the span of asphalt to the nearest pod of shields, asking the obvious question for tardy folks like themselves.

"Who was in charge?"

"That tall, dark, and grouchy fellow over there." an officer pointed. "Commander Ronsenberg."

Even Angelo turned her hefty head in unison with her humans to look in the designated direction, all three curious if the description was at all accurate. People exaggerate all the time. Though not this time. They could see his sour puss from their twenty yards away.

"How's the investigation going so far?" Rinoa thought it better to continue the discussion here for the moment.

"The body has already been taken to the ME's office and CSI is on its last rounds. Right now we're doing the usual canvasing, collecting statements and all."

"Any potential suspects?"

The officer shook his head. "The body was dumped here in the wee hours of the morning. No one was creeping around here except the sanitation and security guys."

"And you've already interviewed them?"

"Not personally, no, but it has been done."

Rinoa nodded. "What about the shop owners?" Looking around she figured there were at least seven of them.

"We got a hold of a majority of them, maybe two we haven't reached yet. You'll need to talk to the commander for anything else you need."

"Fun." a little shrug. "Thanks anyway."

The trio started in another direction, Yun looking to her partner with a mixture of curiosity and mild amusement. "So you know this Ronsenberg guy?"

"Not personally, but I've heard of him. Twenty years in Homicide is all I know for sure. Heard he's former military, though."

"No kiddin'? Sounds like a real sweetheart."

"We're about to find out."

A sweetheart he most certainly was _not_. At six-two the man was a stone tower with his creased face made up of edges hard enough to cut yourself on. His short blonde hair was laced with sandy brown and gray, swept back in a no-nonsense way, and his eyes were _cold_. A large, stiffened scar lay over his left brow. And they would find him to a have a natural growl to his voice, one that was naturally intimidating for most.

He laid eyes on them and scowled, arms crossing. "Took you long enough to get here. Get behind putting your make-up on?"

Yun laughed. Oh, this was going to be _fun_. "Sure, commander. Lost the spare key to your place to get my eyeliner back."

The scowl deepened. Rinoa saw the change and jumped right in to try and stop the inevitable blow up. "What she means, commander, is that I'm a recent transfer and I got a little lost on the way to pick her up for this assignment. We're from the 163rd, Captain Heartilly and Detective Oerba."

"Hmph, that outfit still in the shitter, huh? Guess it can't be helped. Suppose I need to fill you in on the situation as it stands?"

"It would be appreciated."

Ronsenburg uncrossed his arms and started walking, gesturing for them to follow before starting to talk again. "As with the other cases, all we found was the dump site with no sign of where the murder actually occurred. And while the victim in this instance was female, we're convinced it's still the same perp because of the wounds on the body."

"Any clues as to cause of death?"

"Nothing yet on this newest one, but it seems to me like this guy is more the opportunistic type. But it's beginning to look like there's a pattern to the bodies showing up, a distinct time frame. For us that means we unofficially have a deadline."

"Cheif Katzroy mentioned the lot of us would be working together on this." Yun started.

"There are four of us now, and a headquarters is being set up in the federal extension building as we speak. From there we'll have all the resources and privacy to get this figured out as quickly as possible."

"Who's lucky number four?"

"A crime scene photographer from the 213th, Paine Gallows. She discovered the first body and has been at every subsequent scene since. As it stands she is the foremost authority on this case."

"So she's in charge?"

"No. As senior officer, _I am_. You got that, detective?" and one frosty blue gaze shot over his bulging shoulder.

"Sure do." _Like a fucking cancer._

"That's _yes sir_."

"Now wait just-,"

"Commander," Heartilly to the rescue again, "could I see the dump site? I'd like for Angelo to try and find anything the other officers might have missed."

"It's just ahead of us, actually. The dumpster's there and the truck is just on the other side of the street, help yourself." he pointed again with a thick, bit bony finger. "I'm heading to the extension building to meet up with Gallows, I'm expecting you two to be there before too long. We've got a shit ton of paper to push."

Yun waited for him to leave, waited and watched him pull himself into a jet black pick-up truck and leave the cal-de-sac before spitting on the ground and swearing.

"Fuck that guy." she shook her head as she said it not loud enough for most to hear.

"He's just serious about his job, that's all. And we _were_ a little late getting here."

"According to who's clock? Don't go makin' excuses for him."

"Well...he's our superior."

"In rank only." Yun chuffed. "I tell ya, I don't care how long you've been wearin' a badge, talkin' down your nose to me like that might get it broke real fast."

Rinoa giggled. She tried not to, but it happened, much to her new partner's surprise. It had to be the first time someone found her threats amusing. "Let's just give ourselves some time to adjust, to get used to each other. I'm sure it'll work out. Besides, this about the case, not us."

"Fair enough, though I'll be damned." Yun raked her scalp with one hand, not wanting to swallow this frustration but needing to. "Bah, you're right I guess. So," she needed to change the subject just as much, "big girl here's gonna sniff us out some shady shit?"

Another giggle. "You sure know how to word things. But I'm certainly hoping so. Searching isn't Angelo's forte, but she can handle herself."

The mastiff could find drugs seventy-five percent of the time, corpses with less frequency than that. But Angelo _always_ found where Rinoa hid the dried lamb treats she loved so much. Always. The animal assumed a neutral sitting position as her handler knelt beside her, in front of the dumpster.

"Ready, Angelo?" The two held eye contact for all of two seconds. "Search."

Yun watched, anxious and reminiscent in a way. She hoped the dog found something, anything no matter how relevant it was to the case. There's always hope for a new lead, a new scrap of information. She watched Angelo circle the crude steel container several times, ears moving this way and that as she sniffed and sniffed. From there the dog eventually wandered towards the truck, actually climbing into the piles of refuse at its rear once close enough. The truck bucked at the added weight. Digging into the debris the animal would dig up scraps and crushed paper cups and take out boxes blotched with mold. Though no traces of the victim in the end. Angelo returned to Rinoa with a whimper and sadness in her fuzzy features.

"Good girl." Rinoa gave her a treat from her pocket all the same. A job done is a job paid for.

"Not even blood?" Yun asked, fists on her hips. "And nothin' on the pavement either. That's just weird."

"The other bodies didn't have residuals at the scene either."

"True enough." she remembered, a little detail she thought easy to forget.

"And all of them were already in noticeable stages of decomp," Rinoa looked at Yun, expecting perhaps the more experienced officer to finish her thought.

"Sicko must've kept them a while...preserved the bodies somehow until they got too far gone or...something else. No telling what yet, not this early."

"Maybe we should be getting on then? They'll have it all at the extension office anyway."

"Yeah, I guess." Yun had the gut feeling she needed to stay, to keep looking like a good cop does and find that last shred of a clue. But there was no reasonable argument to give herself. Maybe if she had gotten here earlier, before they carted off the body. "Let's mosey then. Care if I drive?"

"Do you know where the federal building is?"

"Been there a couple times, yeah."

"Then sure, that's a couple times more than me. Want to get some lunch on the way in?"

"Nah. If we're hungry, everyone might be. Best wait a while and make one trip."

Rinoa nodded. "Good idea." And then passed Yun the keys. It would be the last time, as her and Angelo both were convinced the detective drove like a damn madwoman.

_(II)_

Jack made an honest effort to keep getting Claire out of the house. He thought a week was long enough to be a total shut-in, though he would respect his daughter's request not to return to the gym. That was fair. So he would often boil his noodle at work over how to convince her to step outside. And in spite of his attempts, the most he would have to try was just offer a walk around the block. With that being the case, he hoped she wouldn't object to a day of errands with him. They needed groceries for the week and he had to go to the pharmacy and sign off on the payroll checks. With little pomp and circumstance the two dressed and climbed into the jeep.

Per the usual for car rides, Claire was so quiet, stoic as she looked out the window at the blurred landscape on the other side of the plexiglass.

"Claire, honey?" He started, fighting a slight stutter. "Can I ask you something?"

She slowly turned her head towards him, rosy brows raised. "Hm?"

"Did you hear me?"

"Oh, yeah, sure. What is it?"

"It's a little personal, I'll admit." he warned gently, looking back at her for a moment as he stopped at a red light. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

"Okay."

Jack took a breath. He'd been wanting to ask this question since...gosh, since she came back into his life. It just never was the right time. "Well...I just want to know...do you remember your mother at all?"

Cerulean eyes widened, her face stretched a little at the surprise she found bubbling in her chest. She then looked forward, sinking in her seat a little as she crossed her arms. Jack could hardly stand how quiet she was, waiting with bated breath for a response of some kind.

"Serah showed me a picture of her. Of all of us on the beach." she said finally.

"But do you _remember_ her?"

Claire turned to look out the window again, expression creasing. "Not really. But...I didn't remember you either. Not right away...well, not even now. It's all just little things." Broken pieces. "Why? What brought this up?"

"Been wondering about it for a while. I'm sorry if I pushed too far."

"No, you didn't. It's all right." Though her neglect in saying another word to further the conversation seemed to say otherwise. She studied on that far off place outside the window as she had been before. Leaving Jack feeling uncertain and lost to some degree, maybe even regretting that he even asked.

Their first stop was the grocery store, where they would start talking again. Though you can guess it wasn't about any personal baggage. Chicken or beef, iceberg or romaine, rice or pasta, or let's just cop out and get a cheap frozen pizza? The crucial questions we ask ourselves on a daily basis. Copping out is always the most desirable, easiest decision to make, but our fine tuned, stick-in-the-mud adult sensibilities don't often allow us the luxury. You know, that little whine in the back of your head that says _no_ when you're dreaming about nachos and bean dip when you really need cabbage. Though Jack and Claire would compromise as adults often do, making sure they got the essentials but made a little extra room for some junk food.

From there it was to the pharmacy, Claire opting to stay in the jeep as Jack assured her it would just be a minute. It would give her a minute to think, to reflect maybe. Something she had been doing more and more often these days. She thought about Jack's question, examined it as deeply as she was able. She hadn't lied about not remembering her mother. Claire knew her face, could pick Rachel out of any family photo, but that wasn't much to brag about. It had been the same with Jack for a while, even after their reunion those four years ago. As she said, it was all little things. Jigsaw puzzle pieces that didn't always have a place to fit. Spending more time with her father had somewhat improved things, created more pieces and more places to put them.

But she couldn't do that with her mother.

Claire grimaced to herself, sinking in her seat again.

Serah had told her what happened to Rachel, even went so far as to show her where their mother was buried to explain how she committed suicide some time after Claire had come up missing. And though her sibling said time and again that she shouldn't feel guilty over it, how could she _not_? Wasn't there more her younger self could've done to stop it all from happening?

Maybe, if Claire could remember exactly what happened that night almost twenty years ago, she would be able to answer that.

Before she could dwell on it further, Jack was climbing back in the jeep. He was grinning a little. "Mr. Mahri thinks you're cute."

The look she gave her father was priceless. "What?"

"Did you know he goes to the same university you do?" Jack tried not to laugh, he'd never seen her face stretch like that before. "He said he saw you working backstage in the theater on occasion...don't worry, honey, I told him you were already seeing someone."

A small sigh.

"But we've got an open invitation to join him and his aunt this weekend for some sort of party or something. You think you might want to go?"

"Um," her jaw worked but no words emerged right away, "I...maybe?" Like it was a trick question.

"Well, I'm not going to force you, I just thought it would be fun. I know crowds aren't your thing, but maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I was with you." He looked at her with a little hope.

"I'll think about it."

"Fair enough. You know," Jack pulled his seat belt on and turned the key to start the car, "Kah has worked for me for a couple years now, he's a good kid."

"It sounds like you're trying to hook us up."

"No, no, sweetie, that's not it at all." He shook his head with a little laugh, sunlight flickering off the smooth surface. "I'm just trying to help. I'd love for you to have some friends outside of the family."

"Oh. Okay. Sorry."

"It's fine, but I like Yun too much to try and do something like that."

The confession brought her an unexpected sort of comfort, a nod of approval to her relationship with the detective. Not that Jack had ever been against it, then again she wasn't sure if he knew they were sleeping together.

"Have you two talked recently?"

"No." the swiftness of the reply was a clear sign to Jack she didn't want to discuss it further. A wish he respected. They would start talking again when they were ready, no sooner.

From there they started home.

Together they put the groceries away, leaving a selection of them out to start prepping dinner, and set the table in a preemptive fashion. Though it was early afternoon, Claire thought a roast would make a nice meal, and that would need a few hours in the oven. Set it and forget it. Once that was squared away they separated, Jack almost flopping into his chair and Claire slipping back into the guest bedroom. She hadn't had the chance to do any school work today, so Jack didn't disturb her, and instead focused on a documentary about the history of comic books.

The two would come together again after the chiming alarm on the oven went off later in the evening. Jack took the liberty of carving the roast, though Claire protested a little bit. She cooked it, only fair she finish the job and serve it too. Jack only shook his head and convinced her to sit, assuring her he didn't mind one bit. By all rights, she was his guest after all. What kind of host would that make him, let her take care of his needs like that?

"Still, you did a great job, sweet heart. You always do." He said, sitting down across from her after setting down plates of meat and vegetables.

"Thanks."

"Did you know you can take meat drippings and make gravy out of them?"

"I did, though I'll admit," she paused, piling some food on her plate, "I'm not that good at it. The flavor is always too weak."

"That so? Hm, maybe you could give it another shot and let me watch."

"Sure, sounds great."

The conversation quieted for a spell, though Jack was thinking of ways to keep it going. He swallowed. "You get any work done?" He noticed the dark smudges on the outer edges of her right hand and wrist, like the leavings of graphite or charcoal.

"I guess, yeah." The answer was short and sweet, as her mouth was still a little full. "More like studying for a final."

"Oh, okay." Jack nodded. "You think I could see some of your work? I mean...if you're comfortable with that."

Claire made a face similar to the one she had in the car earlier, though now one cheek bulged with a bit of food. Aside from Professor Feywood, no one had made that request. Not even Yun, though Claire always thought that was more out of respect of space than disinterest.

"Um...I guess so. If you really want to."

Jack only smiled, excitement showing through the lines in his face.

When the meal was finished, he would follow Claire into the guest room, finding it in a surprising state of organization. Usually papers were strewn about along with numerous tools for marking them. Now they were neatly stacked, though still asymmetrically placed in odd spots throughout the room. A thing in every place instead of a place for every thing. There was an old fashion vanity in the room, complete with a near body-length mirror, that Claire looked to have turned into her desk. She had moved the lamp from the bedside table to it. She sat on the small stool in front of it and picked up a collection of maybe a dozen papers to pass to her father. With a nod of quiet thanks he accepted them and went to sit on the edge of the bed.

Jack would readily say that he was impressed. Floored at his daughter's apparent talent. He never thought to see such accurate recreations of his own backyard, his car, or himself asleep in his recliner. He smiled, laughed even, his cheeks reddening with both amusement and pride.

"I had no idea, darling. Really. You're _very_ good."

Claire could almost feel herself blush. The weight of the compliment was enough to keep any words she would offer in response down. Not that she didn't have anything to say.

_It helps me._ She thought as she watched him. _It helps me remember. Helps me face things...helps me forget._

He continued filing through the pages, pleasure on his face. Until it faded. Just like that, a flame snuffed by a drop of water.

"Honey..." he swallowed, Claire watched the lump in his throat jump. "What's this?"

She took the papers back from him, looking at what he had let settle on top of the stack. For a moment she was silent, then she shrugged. "This...it's where I lived."

It was the cage, that hulking steel mess that was still in the secret room beneath Raines Manor, at least, a haunting and faithful representation of it.

Jack felt the air leave his body. He took his glasses off and set them on the bedside table. His heart rate spiked as his mind processed the gentle answer he was given. Until now he had never been able to imagine what his daughter had gone through, not a scrap of an idea. The years of alcohol had kept him from that, the one thing he would ever thank it for. But now..._now_...sweet gods. Now he had an image, an idea, and it was so fucking horrible. His daughter, his _baby_ had been forced to live like an animal. In a place he could _see_ was cold, desolate, and unfeeling. Like the dark side of the moon.

And all because he...

Jack burst into to tears, his face scrunching before he covered it with his hands. Claire just looked at him, shocked. Dad's don't cry, do they? Yeah, just like dogs don't.

"_Oh baby_," he sobbed, "I'm _so sorry_."

Her rosy brows jumped. What was he apologizing for? That, and her mind was a having a chore of processing the sounds he was making. Part of her felt his pain in a way, another was just confused.

"Dad, wha-,"

"It was _my_ fault." he groaned from between his palms. "I was just doing my job -I didn't want anyone to get hurt!- and...and that bastard...gods help me!"

"What are you talking about?"

Jack lifted his head, wiping his eyes on his sleeve and composing himself with a heavy snort through his nose. "I...I used to work for Raines, almost the s-same kind of work I do now. Basically -c-cause I don't want to dredge all that up, my poor heart can't take it right now- your dad threatened to tattle-tail on Raines...and he made sure I regretted it. L-lost my job," then the tears surged again, "Th-then I l-lost you!"

There were no words, none that Claire could find.

"And those _god damn_ cops! I told them where to look! I told them that bastard did it and they _didn't believe me_!" His face was beet red now, features twisted in a horrid snarl. He started pounding his fists on his thighs to accentuate his declarations of "_I knew it_, _I knew it_, _I knew it_!"

Claire felt his energy wash over her, a charge of fear working right behind it. Jack was always so soft spoken, so gentle. She couldn't believe what she was seeing, that he had all this anger in him.

"I should've just gone to the press like I meant to," the anger stepped back, the guilt taking center stage again, "but...I guess I was convinced you were still alive. If I did that...he might've killed you. But...b-but if I _had_ done it...maybe someone could've _stopped him_."

_No_, Claire thought after moment. No one could've stopped him. No sooner than they did anyhow. The planets had to align, as they say, to put Cid Raines in prison. Before that, he would've made anyone in his way disappear. Probably did, to be honest. Claire might have even removed such an obstacle herself. And Cid would have wiped her clear off the map if he had a suspicion of any kind that she was more of a liability than an advantage. He had made that very clear.

"No." she said finally. "Cid would have been a step ahead. Always. He would've killed me the minute the story hit the news."

Jack looked at his daughter, face drawn and tear smeared, heartbroken.

"You really didn't know what you were up against...I can't hold that against you." she continued, cool, transparent. "You shouldn't hold it against yourself either. You did what you could."

He coughed into his hand, clearing his throat. "I wish it was that easy, darling. I _do_. I guess that's one of the shitty things about being a parent...enough is _never_ enough. I'm always going to feel like I could've done more. One more phone call...put up one more missing poster."

"But it wouldn't have changed anything, not really, would it? In the end?"

Jack scowled, his head dropping, his chin almost on his chest. "I hate to admit it...but I think you're right. Still...I'm so sorry, Claire. I _am_."

"I understand. I forgive you."

This time he was shocked, his forehead creased as his brows rose. He knew she was being completely sincere, but her tone was so...unimpressed maybe. He had difficulty accepting it. Especially since it didn't do much to actually soothe his guilt. But he couldn't be picky. For a long time he was convinced he wouldn't have a chance to garner even that much from his eldest daughter. Not everybody gets a second chance.

"Th-thank you, baby." he croaked. "Could you...maybe you could stand to let your old man hold you?"

Jack stood up when she was close enough, closing his arms around her and holding on _so_ tight.

_(III)_

The Federal Law Enforcement Extension Office was not unlike a typical police department. They were identical in every way save for the number of paper pushers prancing about the place in suits and skirts. They were everywhere. The place looked more sterile too, much more regimented.

Yun and Rinoa would be ushered in by one of the many aforementioned paper pushers to a quiet meeting room that had been set aside for their investigation. The space was already in various stages of preparation. A city wide map was tacked on the wall across from the door. There was a white marker board beside that, pictures of victims along with their identities and ME photographs of their injuries taped to it. A long table took up a majority of the space, along with its companion rolling chairs. Atop the table was a small selection of cardboard boxes, dated and labeled with case file numbers.

At the map was who the other officers could only assume was the last of their new associates, Paine Gallows. With her back to them, she had a paper in one hand and a selection of pins with large colored heads in the other. She would stick them in the map, indicating the sites where bodies had been discovered. Like Rinoa, Yun thought she looked a little frail. She was easily a few inches shorter than herself and had the frame of an almost twenty-something. Her haircut wasn't very regulation either. Looking like what the hip kids called an undercut, Gallows' platinum silver hair was cropped short all around, and longer with a stylized spike on top. Still, she had a badge all the same, and E.P.D. was printed across the upper back of her t-shirt in bold white letters.

Their attempt to introduce themselves was met with an interrupting index finger begging for one more moment. Gallows wouldn't turn and acknowledge them until she had put the last of the colored pins in the map.

"Sorry about that." the crime scene photographer had a naturally low pitch to her voice, like the kind you find on the other end of a nine-hundred number. "You are?"

"This is Detective Yun Oerba, and I'm Captain Rinoa Heartilly from the 163rd."

"Oh yeah, the commander mentioned you guys. Paine Gallows." she extended a welcoming hand for each of them to shake briefly. "Ronsenburg is with our assigned federal liaison making sure we've got everything we need. He should be back soon."

"Anything you can catch us up on while we wait?" Yun asked, taking a closer look at the map.

"No. I don't like repeating myself so we'll hang tight until he gets back. I can tell you all at once."

"Fair enough. Anything we can do to help?"

"Just take a seat, I'm almost finished setting everything up."

While Yun took her word at face value, Rinoa opted to take Angelo for a quick walk before they got down to the nitty-gritty. Captain and commander would return at the same time, Ronsenberg showing a token display of courtesy by allowing the lady in first.

"So we're all here now? Good. Feds say we have access to all the facilities here if we need them, even if it's a place to sleep. So lets get started. What have you got for us Gallows?"

Paine waited for everyone to settle down before beginning, even Angelo chose to sit in a chair like a proper lady beside her handler and give her undivided attention.

"We now have seven bodies, six of which are identified." She began with the obvious, best way to start. "All of them were found to be in early to moderate states of decomposition, all of them were also found to be relocated from the scene where the original crime took place." One place being Gallows' own back yard. "The wounds on each victim are identical save one, which had an additional circular cavity carved through his abdomen. However, the cause of death is consistently strangulation."

The other officers studied the photos taped up, saw the various lacerations and bruises, but also a peculiar arrangement of repeated wounds.

"Looks like these folks were strung up."

"_Nailed_ up is more accurate. All of the victims have puncture wounds through several major joints, the wrists, shoulders, knees etc. The medical examiner also found evidence of post mortem tearing as well as dislocation of the joints in a few of them. So that's a fair assumption, detective. Whatever they were being used for, they had indeed been suspended for prolonged periods. But it was _after_ they died."

"Do we have a pattern?" Ronsenberg grumbled from his chair.

"Cross referencing missing persons reports in each of the precincts where the abductions are suspected to have occurred show they could have been only weeks apart. Some of them days. Maybe even sooner if you take into account most missing persons reports aren't filed until after the twenty-four hour minimum delay."

"What about times between dumping the bodies?"

"It seems random for the time being." Paine seemed displeased to admit. "Toxicology on the previous victims shows that the bodies were preserved in a short term fashion by way of refrigeration and exsanguination."

Rinoa visibly cringed. "Why?"

"That's the million gil question, isn't it?" Paine almost smirked. "That aside, neither is there an apparent pattern to where the bodies are dumped nor how the next victim is determined. However I have a theory that the killer goes by physical type, and I've taken the liberty of having missing persons prioritize cases with similar looking subjects."

The other officers looked at the photos again, almost immediately catching on to what Paine was referring to. There was a faint similarity to all of the victims. Blonde hair, high cheek bones, pointed chins, and a slight hook to the nose.

"I did as you suggested Gallows, the federal liaison is working on getting an assist from the BAU in Sanctum, but don't hold your breath about her doing it in a timely fashion."

"The who?" Yun had never heard of the term, although she wasn't at all mystified at the idea that it was some big fed whoop-dee-doo.

"To dumb it down for you, detective," Ronsenberg growled, seeming inconvenienced, "bunch of brains in the capital that help figure out who perps are by how they commit crime."

"Uh-huh, got another question then," Yun sneered, "just how deep _is_ that stick in your rear pucker, commander?"

"Excuse you?!"

"_ROOF_!" Angelo interjected, finishing off the jarring sound with a low growl. Then she settled back into her chair, a proper dame, and looked at Paine as if giving her clearance to continue.

"Um," she was at a loss for a moment, "that's all we've got so far, so I guess we've got our work cut out for us."

"All of the shop owners in the complex were interviewed, right?" Rinoa asked.

"All but three of them. Two we managed to reach and have set up appointments for them to come here."

"And the third?"

"We got his secretary. According to them he's abroad for business and is supposed to be back in about a week."

"Convenient." Yun sniffed.

One of Paine's silvery brows arched. "You sound suspicious."

"Isn't that what the county pays me for?" she smirked. "You'd be surprised what people will do to make themselves look innocent."

"That's fair." Paine nodded. "But, back to the matter, our job is to find the killer's comfort zone and establish a concrete pattern. Hopefully we can do that before they take their next victim."

"How about lunch first?" Rinoa put up one hand, not wanting to seem too rude maybe. Raise your hand if you want to talk.

"I second that." Yun added.

"Woof!"

Paine seemed to think it over and then relent. "And me makes three, I need a taco. Care to join us, commander?"

"Sure."

It could wait. The files, map, pictures, and awful feelings would still be here when they were finished. Rank and file they went through the door, though Ronsenberg put an arm across the exit to keep Yun in the room but a moment longer.

"You know, detective," he started out, making direct and unwavering eye contact and with his usual growl, "this would go a hell of a lot easier if you gave me proper respect."

"The feelin's mutual, commander."

"Look, I've got twenty years, that's at least ten more than you."

"Oh yeah," Yun nodded, crossing her arms, not at all shaken by his size or his domineering look. "I get it, and I was all ready and rarin' to give ya that. I respect your years, sure, your badge too, but I'll be damned if I show _you_ anythin' since you started right out talkin' to my partner and I like we're just a couple of sniveling beat cops still learnin' how to put our caps on straight."

"Look, I didn't ask to be stuck with you broads in the first place."

"Funny that, neither did we." her brow knitted and her lip curled to show a chipped canine tooth. "You want respect? Start tossin' out some and I'll return the favor."

"I'm your superior officer, you'll _take_ what I _give_ you."

"That might work on Rinoa, maybe even Gallows, but they're good kids. I ain't. I've gone toe-up with shit stains twice your size."

"I can take your badge."

"Then fuckin' do it." her arms uncrossed and she took a half step forward, her chest level with the upper area of his stomach. Her fierce green eyes met his chilling blue ones. "_You_ get what you _give_, Ronsenburg. No more. You don't like it? Get another team, 'cause I don't play _your_ rules. Now ya mind movin'? I'm hungry."

His scowl deepened and he eventually lowered his arm. Yun would feel that cold stare of his on the back of her head for the rest of the day, but she didn't care. People were dying, a killer was still out there, and they had no suspect. She didn't have time for his pissing contest.

And now that Gallows had mentioned it, she needed a taco too.

Author's Note: This chapter was weird, I'll admit. Still, I'm having a bit of fun, which is a good sign to me. I want to thank all the comments and encouragement I've received from my readers, as well as the advice that will help you guys maybe enjoy this ride a little better. Again thank you all, don't be discouraged if I don't respond to a comment or a question right away. I always read everything I get in my mailbox, but I don't always have an answer.


	8. Chapter 8

**For I Have Sinned**

**Chapter Eight**

Another week.

A storm front moved in from the bay and was now pelting Bodhum with a steady cool downpour. No thunder or heavy winds, just a sheet of water and a gray haze from one end of the beach town to the other. It started early that morning and would last most of the day according to the guy on the news. Jack would come home to it in the later afternoon, his windbreaker covering his tender head from the chilly drops as he scurried into the house.

It was dark and still inside. Jack pushed back the hood from his crown as he moved through the living room to check the guest room for his daughter. He would hate to call out and wake her if she were napping by chance. She wasn't there or in the bathroom across the hall, and the kitchen was empty. He just happened to catch a glimpse of pale roses beneath the patio umbrella on the back deck from the dinning room.

Jack noticed Claire's customary studious hunch as she sat beneath the big, faded umbrella, and opened the back door carefully as not to needlessly disturb her studies. But she would hear the door push forward, causing her to turn in her seat and greet him.

"Hi, daddy." she had her sketch pad open in front of her, an eraser and pencil too. She tucked them closer to her chest, protective.

"Hey, baby." he smiled at her. He hurried towards the meager shelter seeing as his jig was officially up, sitting beside her. "You feeling any better?"

"Yeah. I got a little more sleep this morning." she nodded.

"That's good." Her father's relief was genuine, having gotten his first taste of her more severe sleep disturbances in the wee hours of the morning.

Claire had been sleep walking and on the off chance he had to leak the lizard at the same time. He opens the bathroom door and there she is in the door way of her room, just standing there. In the dimness Jack was just able to discern that she was looking right at him -or more like through him- but was most certainly not awake. He had always heard not to wake a sleepwalker or else they would -for lack of a better word- go _bahooties_, so he tried to go back to his room. Jack wasn't able to take his second step before he felt his daughter's powerful, almost painful grip cinch around his bony wrist for keeps. He pulled against her and she didn't budge. He even tried to wedge her fingers apart and couldn't. Jack wasn't scared until he realize Claire was still looking at him, her eyes actively tracking his shape in the dark, and was convinced she wasn't _seeing_ him.

Over the course of the next tense minute, Claire had fisted her other hand in his shirt and shoved him hard into the wall, pulling and pushing in a jerking cadence which resulted in her tossing him to the floor. He didn't know what to do, if anything could be done, so he just laid there, tightening up his body to protect himself out of reflex. It happened so fast, even now he couldn't remember if he started screaming, maybe begging his daughter to "snap out of it" as they do in the movies. Whatever he did or didn't do must have provoked _something_, as the next second Claire was kneeling beside him on the floor, pulling his arms away from his face and asking if he was all right.

Jack told her what happened and she just started crying.

"I'm sorry." that had to be her seventh apology that day.

"It's okay, honey. Neither of us got hurt." he shook his head. Personally, he didn't want to think about it anymore. Maybe he'd call Serah later and talk it over with her, but until then he'd sooner block it out. "I told Mr. Mahri you were sick so we wouldn't be able to make it to that party. But he said it was a weekly thing, so the invitation is still there."

"Okay." she looked down, one hand curling over her neck. "I think I might want to go so...that's good I guess."

"That's great to hear." he smiled, pleased. "So why are you sitting out here?"

"I like it. The rain."

"Oh yeah? You didn't used to." he laughed a little.

"I didn't?"

"No, not at all. You always said it was too cold, and had to have a blanket around you just to stand and look out the window at it."

Claire thought about it a moment. "That doesn't sound like me at all."

"No, maybe not now, but," Jack sighed. "Things change."

Truer words were rarely spoken.

"Is your favorite food still spaghetti and meatballs?"

Claire's brow rose. "Um...food in general...is kind of my favorite."

Jack adjusted his glasses as he laughed again, a little fuller this time. "I'll have to make it again while you're here, see how it goes. You had _so much trouble_ saying it too. Got so frustrated trying you started to cry. You were three."

His heart got a little heavy as he remembered his eldest when she was maybe thigh high to himself, running around the house in moogle footie pajamas with long rosy pigtails laying against her shoulders and a tonberry doll tucked under one arm.

"Getty and Me-bows is what you called it, and it just drove you crazy when it made your mom and I laugh."

She tried to smile after a moment, creases in her brow belying an effort at recollection. "I don't remember."

"It's okay, I do. Maybe someday you'll get it back."

Claire couldn't keep back a small bubble of shame from forming in her heart. Briefly she considered what she would be willing to give not to be so damn _broken._ "But...I...I wasn't allowed outside very often...guess that changed my mind about the rain."

Jack swallowed and said nothing. Part of him was relieved, maybe even happy that Claire was allowing him access to this, confiding in him. Another part of him shuddered.

"And," a small chuckle, "it was raining the night Yun found me. She hit me with her car."

"What?" Jack couldn't _not_ respond to that.

"She backed into me with her car." the laugh was a bit bigger this time. "It was the middle of the night and raining. She didn't see me."

"Kind of funny that you're laughing about it." he commented, curious.

"Well, yeah." it dawned on her, the mild smile falling flat. _But it was the best day of my life. Even if the most I can remember is how much I was hurting._ And at the least she recalled the faint sensation of floating, being in someone's arms.

"Yun's a card, isn't she?" Jack shook his head, smirking. "But I'll be the first to admit she's the best thing that ever happened to you...hell, the both of us really." Then his face changed, saddened. "I'm sorry you two still aren't talking."

"Don't be." Claire replied quickly, looking back to her sketch book. It wasn't Jack's fault that she couldn't muster up the courage to answer her phone, to do more than read the dozen texts the detective sent her. Claire was afraid and ashamed. That wasn't Jack's to be sorry about.

"I can't help it, baby. I can tell, you two are _good_ for each other." he reached out and took his daughter's hand in both of his. "People like that should be _together_."

Claire curled her fingers against her father's, brow knitting and lips twisting into a frown. "Maybe...maybe you're right, but I'm not good for her right now. As much as she's given for my sake...it would be unfair to her for me not to make an effort to get better. It's the least I can do."

Jack felt his heart wrench, again impressed. He had to wonder if his daughter had any inkling of how wise she was, of how big a step she had just taken. "That's a good attitude to have, honey. Real good attitude."

"Yeah?"

Jack nodded. "Now all you've got to do is just hold on to it. If you can do that, you'll get better. It won't make things much easier or make them happen any faster than they're meant to, but it'll help."

A moment of quiet contemplation, then "You make it sound like that's the hardest part."

"Oh it is. It _sure is_." and he held her hand just a little tighter.

_(II)_

Cops called it the tombs. A bunker lined with concrete and steel lockers and full of bunk beds where officers burning the midnight oil could catch a few Z's when going home just wasn't practical. It was empty for the most part, as agents in an extension office had a more nine-to-five sort of schedule, but a couple beds had raised lumps that shifted beneath the blankets.

Yun's phone started buzzing under the pillow where she stashed it for the night, her alarm going off just as she programmed it to. With a jerk and a snort she fished it out and hit the button to silence the thing, shrugging hard once the reality of being awake settled in. Grumbles and grunts emerged as she forced herself to get out of bed and prepare herself for another frustrating twenty-four hours of the same frustrating shit. After a not-hot-enough shower she dressed in the cleanest clothes she could pull from her small suitcase and went across the street from the station to a greasy spoon for breakfast.

The passed week had been a whole lot of nothing. Missing persons had been only the barest bones of helping hands, having mapped out nearly two dozen potential victims that fit the profile. Nothing else, nothing more concrete. The medical examiner had the identity of the latest victim, but served little purpose until the family could be interviewed about her disappearance. As for the shopkeepers they had yet to interview, that was coming up weeds too. The first, a gourmet bistro owner, was clean as a whistle. Nothing shady going on other than his idea that rooter-to-tooter dining was the next big thing. The second, an insurance broker, was on his way to the federal extension office for an interview when he was hit by an eighteen-wheeler coming off the turn-pike just outside the city. You can imagine how much information they managed to procure. And as for shopkeeper number three, a clothing designer, still no sign.

While hunched over and shoveling through her coronary inducing fried eggs Yun felt her left butt cheek buzz. With a half full mouth she answered the phone.

"Oerba speakin'."

_"It's Rinoa,"_ yawn carried over the line, _"I'm on my way."_

"You eaten anything yet?"

_"I had a bagel."_

"That's it? Gods woman, you and that bear better get over here and I'll get ya a proper meal."

_"That's not necessary."_

"No, but it _is_ an order. As of now. So come along before I change my mind." Yun didn't give her an opportunity to refuse again and hung up. Her partner would show up about ten minutes later, Angelo on her lead just behind her.

Rinoa spotted Yun at the counter, picking her out more so by the absolute mess of Yun's hair was than anything else. "Morning, detective."

"Mornin', have a seat." Yun gestured with fork in hand to the stool beside her.

Angelo sat picture perfect profile behind her handler's chair as the human worked up into the seat. "How did you get here so early?"

"Didn't go home." she responded casually. "Tell the nice lady what ya want. My treat."

"Thanks." though Rinoa sounded a little confused. Not by the generosity. For the moment she turned her attention to the waitress across the counter from her and placed an order, asking for a cup of coffee as well. "Why'd you sleep in the tombs again?"

"It isn't all that smart for me to go all the way home. I'd get maybe five hours of sleep at best, just to get up at the ass-crack of dawn just to get back in time. It's an hour trip just about. One way."

"You should've said something. You could've crashed at my place, I'm only twenty minutes out."

"Nah, I'd hate to impose. 'Sides," Yun swallowed a quick sip of coffee, "just didn't feel like goin' home."

"Oh?"

"Place is just too big for me all by my onesie." another sip. "Sorry for gettin' too personal all of a sudden."

"Think nothing of it, it's early. I won't hold it against you." a little chuckle. "You live alone?"

"No. Well... sort of, I guess. Right now I do."

"You and your significant other have a falling out?" it was as good a guess as any. Rinoa didn't know anything about Yun anyhow.

"In a way. You could say we're takin' a break. Didn't want to," Yun sighed, mug between her two hands as she looked down into it, "but it needed to happen...else it wouldn't have."

"You'd rather be in a strange bed than an empty one?"

"Sure, that sounds about right."

"And you'd rather be at work than dealing with your personal garbage, huh?"

Yun narrowed her fierce green eyes at her partner. "You moonlight as a shrink, or what?"

Rinoa shook her head. "Just married."

"No shit?" one dusky brow spiked, her eyes zeroing in on the gold band she had never noticed before. "So I take it your relationship hasn't been all rainbows and kitten farts either?"

Rinoa started to laugh. "Again, you just have a way with words." she cleared her throat and composed herself. "But yeah, it's not perfect, but whose is?"

Yun nodded, the question a fair one. "So any advice for little ol' me?"

"Well," she paused a moment, straightening her back as the waitress slid her plate onto the counter. "Leon's in the Air Force. It was actually okay in the beginning. I was already out of the academy and he hadn't been deployed so we had a decent schedule we could work with. But as all things do, that changed. He would be gone for fifteen months and I'd be alone until he got back. Yeah, he let me stay in his place, he would send me money to help with bills, but I was still alone. You know?"

"I do."

"Good, then I won't go into the details." she took a moment to have a few bites. "But, after a couple weeks I just got...I guess you could say it was cabin fever, at least that's the best way I can describe it. Just couldn't stand to be in the house. Too quiet and too big, like you said. So I applied for K-9 duty to keep me busy. It worked for a while, but it almost swallowed me up."

"Ah," Yun nodded slowly, "I think I know where this is going."

"Had a feeling you would. Just don't let the job make you crazy, okay? I know you've got years on me and all, but...you know."

"Yeah, yeah. I appreciate the sentiment though, really." Sort of, actually. "I think I'm still in that weird place where the job is the only thing keepin' me together. I'm still tryin' to get used to this new normal. Just need a little more time, I suppose."

"Well, just so you know, you can talk to me."

"Sure." Yun nodded with a wisp of a smirk, not entirely committed to the idea but being polite. "So your beau is a space cadet?"

"A pilot, too." Rinoa laughed, rolling with a joke she got tossed her way quite often.

"Sounds exciting." Yun sipped the last of her coffee, still grinning like a cat. "Joined the mile high club yet?"

"Are you kidding? As small as the cockpits of those jets are I'd have to pilot it with my ass cheeks."

"And from where I'm sittin' you two would crash and burn before ya finished with foreplay."

"I know, my one great failure." The two had a belly laugh, Rinoa half snorting behind her hand. It took almost a minute before they composed themselves. "So," Rinoa cleared her throat, "any idea what's on the itinerary today?"

Yun was about to answer, mouth halfway open to start talking, but her butt cheek buzzed again to alert her to a phone call. Rinoa turned her attention back to her plate, allowing her partner at least an imitation of privacy until the call had ended. She had expected the conversation to last much longer, certainly more wordy than the handful of _yeahs_ and _uh-huhs_ the slipped into her ears. In all the call might have lasted two minutes. If even that.

"So?" Rinoa asked, scooping the last of her hash browns into a pile.

"That was Gallows."

"And?"

"She just got in touch with shopkeeper number three." She put away her phone and started fishing for her wallet. "A guy named Palazzo, he's back in town and has some time to talk to us."

"Great. Where to?"

"Back to his shop. If you want to order somethin' on the fly for _El Oso_ go ahead, otherwise I'll settle the bill and we'll be on our way."

"Angelo's had her breakfast." She pat the dog's enormous head as she slid down from the stool. "I'll be waiting in the car." Before she pushed through the door, dog in tow, she stopped. "What about the commander?"

"Don't know, don't care. He can meet us there if he wants." was all the detective said.

It was back to Khelest and Undrashi for them, a forty minute drive that would've been twenty if Rinoa could stomach Yun to drive again. Never mind how her cautious navigation of some of Eden's busiest streets prompted the detective to call her grandma several times.

Rinoa would wrangle the SUV through the stuffed parking lot of the shopping center, eventually parking on its far western side in front of one of the few establishments that had its own building instead of a conjoined space with another store. Gently tinted glass surrounded the entire half of the store that faced the parking lot, allowing full view of the wares within the building. And above the doorway was a sign bearing the business's namesake, which would glow brilliant violet once the sun went down.

Just a single word: Harlequin. It was a high end -_very high end_- clothing boutique, the only one of its kind.

The two officers disembarked and took a moment beside the vehicle.

"Fancy pants, ain't it?" Yun pulled up her aviators a moment to look the place over.

"Guess so. You ever heard of it?"

"Nope. Then again, this sort of stuff isn't really my thing."

"You're a suit and tie kinda gal, aren't you, detective?"

The thought of anything finer made Yun want to gag. "Yeah, and what of it?" she chuffed. "Come on."

"Let me get Angelo, you go ahead."

Yun would immediately identify the overpowering aroma of something like fabric softener when she pushed through the double glass doors. Like lab replicated flowers and fruit fragrances. It took everything she had not to choke. Once she got through that, the rest of the store came into focus. A gentle hum of music from over her head, countless mannequins bearing the weight of unique and unusual outfits that were viciously examined by the half dozen patrons that appeared to be either older women who never worked a day in their life and had money to spend, or soccer moms that had nothing better to do until the kids got out of school. All these were arranged on either side of a polished marble aisle that went the length of the store, up to the matching register counter where seemingly well-to-do ladies handled the daily purchases. Strange yet stimulating paintings hung on the wall behind them.

With a noticeable discomfort in the twist at the edge of her mouth, Yun followed the polished path to the the counter, revealing her badge before saying the usual. "Morning. I'm Detective Oerba of the Eden Police Department. My partner and I have an appointment with your boss."

At first the woman behind the counter gawked, wide eyes shifting from the badge to her and back again. "Uh-um, of course," a nervous laugh, "just a moment."

Yun slipped her badge back in its pocket as she watched Rinoa come through the entrance with Angelo and listened as the clerk paged Mr. Palazzo. When she turned back the clerk was coming around the counter to show them to his office.

On the other side of a heavy wooden door were more paintings set against a dark maroon wallpaper. No real form or function as to what they were meant to depict, just a melding of colors. Below them was a fine wooden desk, expensive looking, in quite the state of disarray. Two stacks of papers were in a semblance of order, one on the left and on the right, but in the middle was a collection of scattered sheets of gods knew what. Behind the desk was an almost stereotypical leather chair, with wheels and everything, but its back was to the door and the officers. Its occupant was in the midst of ending a phone call, at least it sounded that way. Once he had hung up, the chair spun around to face them.

Legs crossed, thin bony fingers laced together in front, elbows resting on the arms of the chair. A gem studded peacock pin glistened on the lapel of his violet pinstriped suit. "Good afternoon, officers. So what can I do for you?"

Yun needed a moment when she first laid eyes on him. His feathery blond hair was pulled back, his blue eyes had a natural thinness. His facial features were sharp yet thin seeming. There was a slight hook to his unusually long nose. "Yes, Mr. Palazzo, I was hoping you would be willing to answer a few questions regarding the body that was found nearby about a week ago."

"Well, I've been out of town for nearly a month," he shrugged, his voice having a strange roughness to it. Almost a bird-like screech. "I doubt I have much information for you. But I'm willing to help any way I can."

"Would you be willing to verify your absence?"

A sharp, golden brow raised. "Am I a suspect?"

"Not at all, sir, we're just covering the bases is all." she nodded, apologetic. "We've asked the same of all the shopkeepers in the complex."

"My secretary, the lady at the register in fact, will have access to all my receipts and travel records. Feel free to ask her on your way out."

"Thank you, sir." another nod. "Have you noticed any unusual activity going on around the plaza, even before you left on your trip?"

"I really can't say. When I'm here, I spend a vast majority of my time in this room. I'm quite busy as you may have gathered."

"I had considered the idea."

"With that being said I'm afraid I'm not of much use to you, detective."

"That's quite all right, Mr. Palazzo, thank you for your time and honesty."

"Naturally." he nodded and reached into his pocket and straightened to lean across his desk. "Here's my personal number if you need to reach me by any chance."

"Thank you, sir." Yun took the card and tucked it into her blazer. "We'll keep in touch."

Before leaving the store they stopped by the desk one last time to request a copy of Mr. Palazzo's travel records.

On the way to the car, Rinoa noticed the uneasy look on her partner's face, the studious knit in her brow before it became hidden behind her sunglasses. It wasn't until both were strapped and she put the keys in the ignition that she spoke up about it.

"You sense something weird about him?"

"Sure I did." Yun laughed a little as she was finding her phone again, feeling it buzz. "Hold on one sec...Gallows? Yeah, what's up?"

Rinoa didn't give much mind to this conversation as it when similarly to the first one she tried listening in on. At first anyhow.

"Are you _sure_?Does the commander know about this yet? Oh yeah? Okay, save yourself a minute, I'll call him. Thanks again."

"What is it?"

"Gimme a minute." Just as quickly as she had pulled it from her ear she had put it back. "Ronsenberg? Yeah, it's Oerba. Listen, I think we might have our serial's next target. Yeah, Gallows just called me, she's found a pattern to our victims. According to her math -and a little help from our guys in missing persons- turns out the abductions all took place within a mile of a dumped body...No, the interview turned up bupkis, but Mr. Palazzo looks an awful lot like our perp's type. You want I should have him come in or...uh-huh...all right, suit yourself." and then she hung up.

Rinoa just looked at Yun, brows raised until the detective realized she was doing it. "Still suspicious?"

"I've been wrong before. And somewhere an infant shudders and dies in its crib." Yun shook her head slowly, tucking her phone back in its usual place. "Still somethin' I don't like about him, though. Can't put my finger on it..." Rinoa was still staring. Angelo too. "What?"

"Where the hell do you come up with some of these phrases of yours? That one was dark."

"Beside the point."

"True. So where to now, back to the office?"

"That's what boss man wants, yeah." she scratched be back of her head. "Did we manage to interview the family of number seven?"

"I don't know, but Paine would."

Yun hated the feeling that settled in as Rinoa worked the SUV out of the parking lot and back onto the main street. That feeling that you just made a grab at nothing but air, a sense of just jerking off. Interviews weren't meant to be so short, turn up so little, but sometimes that was just the way of things. Not all leads are good, not all that glitters is gold.

But there was more to do yet, Yun told herself. The job isn't over until a perp has cuffs on.

_(III)_

It was sunset in Bodhum, Claire and Jack were in the jeep heading away from the coast and the beach side resorts. Closer to Bodhum's heart where the locals in-the-know had their own breed of fun.

Claire had spent a majority of the past week diligently attempting but gloriously failing to make any progress towards completing her senior project. She had accumulated a small stake of drawings and sketches that were potential subjects for the painting, but she couldn't focus enough to choose just one. She resorted to setting up the canvas and just staring at it until the muse showed up to tell her what to do, as that sometimes worked, but no dice. She was ready to toss the mocking stretch of white across the damn neighborhood. Then Jack reminded her of Mr. Mahri's standing invitation.

It took some doing, some time to gather enough courage to take a chance, but she would relent to go. Maybe it would be fun, and maybe it was just what she needed to clear her head and get to work. As strange as it seemed when she thought about it.

Jack was elated, of course. His employee was almost Claire's age, give or take a year or two. Kah Mahri was a foreign student from Nifelheim going to the same university as his daughter, aiming for a masters in Language Studies while on a Fine Arts scholarship. He was also an award winning tenor. But Jack only cared so much about that. He was a sweet and gentle young man, all of his customers had nothing but good things to say about him. Jack thought him a perfect potential friend for Claire. He was _so_ excited for the two to meet.

Like all towns anywhere, there were two kinds of areas: high town and low town. Doesn't matter what anyone tells you, it's true. The Farron's adventure would take them into so called low town, where the common folk make their own entertainment for next to nothing. A part of town teeming with long time locals and immigrants from anywhere and everywhere. They pulled into a small parking lot that served a brick facade building that was part gas station, part laundry service, and part delicatessen. It had a name painted across the front and above the doors that neither Jack or Claire could pronounce, so you can imagine the curiosity on their faces as to whether or not they were in the right place. Looked like it was closed, no other car in the lot beside their own.

Then there was the sound of heavy steps as a large shape came from around the building.

"Mr. Farron!" was the call of a deep male voice. "You came!"

Claire saw him come into the dim light of twilight and felt her eyes get big. He was enormous. Like Mr. Han or Snow. Looked a lot like her brother-in-law, actually. Kah's eyes were thin and pricked at the outer edges, catlike even, just like his high cheekbones and the strong line of the bridge of his nose. And Snow didn't have a beard, Serah wouldn't let him grow one. His hair was long too, and tied in a ponytail. Serah wouldn't let Snow do that either.

Kah dwarfed her father as he came close enough to shake his employer's hand, his smile as felid as his foreign features. "I'm so glad you could come!" his accent was strong, hard annunciation.

"Thanks for the invitation." Jack had to rub the mild ache from his hand when the younger man finally released it. "Mr. Mahri, this is my daughter Claire."

She felt a charge of energy when Kah addressed her, offered his massive hands for her to take. Claire gave him one hand as well, which he seemed to cradle instead of squeeze.

"Welcome." it was almost a purr, but a respectful one. "I remember seeing you in the theater. You work in the back, yes?"

"It was just one semester." she pulled her hand away, a little more comfortable having done it.

"Still good to meet you." he nodded with a toothy grin. "You'll come inside now, yes?"

"We'd love to. Have we missed anything?"

Kah shook his head as he gestured with his hand for them to follow. "As they say, the fun has just begun."

The asphalt dipped into a moderate slope as it disappeared behind the building, leading downward to the half exposed basement. An amber glow was in the windows and silhouettes of bodies blurred together as they moved. There was a faint hum and thump of music coming from within. Kah would open the door for them, which initially led into the stairwell that allowed access to the shops above. At the foot of the stairs covered in peeling off white enamel was another door, obviously where the music was coming from. Jack put an arm around Claire as they followed Kah further, bracing her. There would be so many people.

So many, over a dozen large families worth. No less than fifty or sixty bodies stirring about in the cigar smoke and sound within a stone and concrete room. Young and old men and woman, all fair haired -golden blonde to platinum-, big chested and big breasted, and with feline smiles and eyes. There was a bar, polished dark wood for fifteen feet along the farthest wall littered with fine crystal glasses both full and empty. Behind was easily the smallest and oldest man of the lot, and behind him were a collection of enormous wooden barrels turned on their sides, most of them tapped for service. There were no stools to sit on, not there, so anyone drinking must still be sober enough to stand on their own in order imbibe. Good rule.

The smoke in the air was far from foul smelling. It was sweet, like fruit and honey, a fine accent to the sharp contrast of charcoal and what smelled like various meats. There was a small grill set up beside the bar and beneath an open window, wedged into a corner almost, and coolers full of food surrounding its diligent keeper -a stout woman everyone appeared to call Baba. Not too close to her domain was a column of the floor with boundaries made up of older men, all of them shouting and watching what was called feather bowling. The game plays like it sounds, the object being to roll a large stone that more resembled a wheel of cheese as close to the actual feather at the end of the lane as possible. The kind of game friendships are made and destroyed over. Everyone else was dancing to the music of a live band of three pot bellied men with beards thick and long enough to be lions' manes.

Claire felt herself stiffen at the sight of it all. For a second she couldn't breathe, all this just bordering on _too much_. Jack felt her go rigid beneath his arm.

He tucked his chin near to his shoulder. "You okay, honey?" He asked gently, quietly.

It took a moment, worrying him, but eventually she nodded. "Th-think so, yeah. I just...I need a minute."

"I know its a lot, sweetie. If you get too uncomfortable, let me know."

"Okay."

Kah would usher them both to the bar, garnering the tender's attention with a call for three drinks.

Jack tapped his shoulder and almost started to speak.

"I remember you do not drink, Mr. Farron. But you might like this, yes? Is mostly for the children. You too, Claire, yes?" he passed two glasses to them, turning a third time to pick up his own. "Is made from the same sour grapes as our wines, but is not fermented. And it is sweetened with honey! You try!"

"Well, it smells good." Jack gave Claire a hopeful look before tipping back his head. His face scrunched, lips pulling in. "Oh _my_."

Kah laughed at him. "Is good, yes?"

Jack coughed, patting his chest with his palm. "You weren't lying about it being sour. But it's actually quite nice." he tried his best to be a good sport about it.

Then Kah's icy eyes cut to Claire, begging. "You try!"

Claire looked at him and then down into the glass. The drink was a rich red color, like blood in the ocean. She looked up at Kah one last time before trying it. When in Bodhum, she supposed. Unlike her father, her reaction was much more sedate. Her eyes were shut as her brow knitted, but her lips only thinned a little. When the sour bite had passed, she looked down into the glass again.

"Not bad."

"_Opah_! Very good! Come, you try food next!"

Nifelheim was a cold, unforgiving place for a majority of the year. The country's growing season was the shortest in the world second only to Figaro. Their cooking traditions reflected this very well. Cured meats and cheeses, dense breads, and fifty different ways to prepare potatoes and various roots. One such dish was translated from their native tongue directly to mean "hungry shoe", something you could believe once you saw it. A loaf of sturdy black bread was sliced long way, the bottom heavier than the top, and a hollow was made in the center of the larger half. A gutted grilled potato was stashed in the cavity whilst its fluffy insides were mixed with seasonings and bits of sausage before being dropped back into its skin. A generous slice of a dark orange cheese was put atop of that before the other half of bread was placed over it.

Jack and Claire would split one, almost unable to eat it all. There was just _so much_, which surprised Claire terribly. She may have just met her match when it came to food.

All the while Kah was standing by, happily nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

"You like, yes?"

Jack struggled a little to chew as he nodded, wanting to answer but not with a full mouth. "It's very good, Kah, thank you."

"And Claire?"

She only nodded, but she had a contented expression. It was the most comfortable she had been since they arrived. Kah's big hands clapped together and his face lit up. "Wonderful! Now I show Claire how to dance!"

Jack almost panicked when he saw Kah's hand take up Claire's and start pulling her towards the sea of bodies. And it would appear that Claire was thinking the exact same thing, her eyes flying wide open and a gasp escaping. Though Jack could only cover his mouth his hands and hope for the best, his dismay freezing him in place as he watched. Claire was too shocked with his bold action that she couldn't think to resist or pull away. He had her like a rag doll.

The first instinct she had once the surprise passed was to react. To snap away from him as quickly as possible and retreat. But she mentally stopped and forced herself to think. Remind herself she was okay, she was safe, and Kah wasn't going to try to hurt her. _I'm all right. I'm all right._

"Mr. Farron says you are shy, yes? That's okay." and he was all smiles. "We'll go slow."

She couldn't say anything. How in the hell do people get away with being so damn bold? Anyone else would be picking up their teeth. Then again, he was easily more than a foot taller than her. Then again once more, that had never stopped her before. She wasn't afraid of him, just confused. Someone wasn't walking on egg shells around her.

All she could do was look up at him, cerulean eyes still wide, and her eyes darting to his huge paws as he kept a hold on hers and pulled her just a bit closer. Her shoulder was tucked to his chest and the outer bend of her hip was touching his.

"I show you, yes? You do as I do."

Again, no words would come out. All she could do was go with it.

Jack was still watching from afar, waiting for the other shoe to drop as he tried not to chew his nails to nubs. He was expecting to have to call an ambulance any second now and come up with some explanation why Kah had a broken jaw. And that was the very least of the horrifying thoughts racing through his mind at the speed of his own heart. But the minutes ticked by without any of his fears coming to pass. On the contrary, it looked like his daughter was actually starting to...have fun. He almost started crying. What he did do was pull his phone from his pocket to snap a few pictures, otherwise he wouldn't believe it ever happened.

Claire was uncomfortable, but not enough to tuck tail and leave. Nervous, most definitely, feeling exposed, of course, but she would suck it down and tough it out. She felt like she owed herself to give this a fair chance. An effort made easier as Kah was an encouraging and gentle teacher. Doubly so that the dance he was attempting to teach her was comically simple. A repetitive commingling of gallop and perhaps a waltz, it seemed specifically intended for beginners. And that suited Claire just fine, considering she came to this party without expecting to receive this sort of attention.

"You were not fibbing about never dancing before, were you?" Kah gave her a knowing look, one brow spiked in playful suspicion.

"No," she almost chuckled, eyes down to watch his big feet as well as her uncertain ones, "I'm just a fast learner."

He laughed aloud, head tipped back. Claire had never seen anyone smile so much. "Maybe we dance together at school too, yes?"

"Ah, no," Claire felt a knot form in her chest, a sudden surge of discomfort. "I don't think so."

"But you are -as they say- a natural. Mrs. Gabbiani even said so. And you are having fun, yes?"

"Well, I guess." she stilled, pulling her hands from his so they could rest at her side. All the courage was gone, disintegrating like salt in water.

"What is wrong?" the cat grin failed.

"I-I'm sorry, I...I'm okay. I just need a minute. Excuse me." She ducked away from him, pushing through the mass of teeming bodies.

Claire made her way back to the bar, recovering her drink that she had yet to finish. With her glass in both hands she retreated further, that sense of discomfort still growing. She found an empty corner near the door, nuzzling her back into it. Her hands started to shake, only a little, and the room was starting to feel a bit small.

_Just block it out. It's nothing._

She swallowed hard and took a deep breath, holding it a moment before slowly exhaling. Twice more and it seemed to get her back in control. Embarrassment tried to shoulder its way in at how a little idle conversation could have upset her so.

"I'm fine." she said to herself, quiet assurance. "Yeah. I'm okay." She just needed a moment to step back, be by herself. Baby steps.

Just as she was beginning to get her confidence back, she would spot the sheen of her father's head as he pushed through the crowd. She hoped his presence nearby would help her feel better.

Hoped.

Though as he emerged from the sea of bodies, she found her eyes fixed the brilliant crimson stain down the front of his shirt. Like someone slit his throat. A shiver went up her back at the sight of it.

"Goodness," Jack breathed, smiling and wiping his palms down his front. "These folks certainly know how to have fun, huh?" He looked up, saw his daughter's expression. "Claire? Honey, you okay?"

It looked like blood. Claire knew it wasn't, but her mind was seeing it. It was the drink, she even registered the empty glass in his hand. But it _looked._ _Like. Blood._ Something she could never mistake. In fact, everything about this place was suddenly haunting in its familiarity, though she had never once seen it before.

Jack put his empty glass on the nearest surface, the bar but an arm's reach away. "Honey? What's the matter, talk to me." His daughter had a faraway look in her eyes, and it immediately worried him.

Claire could feel herself breathing faster, her fingers curling tighter to her glass and mild shake starting in her again. She shook her head, swallowing hard. "N-nothing. I'm okay, b-but," she swallowed again.

"But what?

She wanted to talk. A part of her wanted to beg him to change his shirt, another part was screaming to go home. Claire was starting to sweat.

"Is something wrong, Mr. Farron?"

Claire would've sworn Kah had popped out of thin air, would've put money on it if the concept of betting made any sense to her. In any case, she was positive he had appeared too suddenly for her to stand. Something in her jumped, her body tensing, hands clutching tight enough for the glass to fracture at its lip into a collection of slivers. The last of the drink spilled onto her hands, threading through her fingers to spot the floor. She wished she had never looked down.

Jack watched, horrified as all the color bled out of Claire's face. Her eyes widened as they settled on the floor, maybe on her hands. She gasped once just as the remnants of the glass fell out of her hand and splashed slivers across the cement at their feet. Then she looked at him, allowing him clear view of the visible distress she was feeling. She was terrified. Without warning she twisted away from him and Kah, tearing open the door into the stairwell and disappearing through it.

"Mr. Farron, I-,"

"No, it's okay, I'll handle it."

In the stairwell Claire braced herself with one hand against the wall, the passage echoing as she gasped every breath as if it were threatening to be the last.

The drink had turned to blood in her hands, the music died away like the smell of food and cigar smoke. Behind her was a concrete room full of human bodies and all the noise that went with it. Cheering, shouting, all of them strangers. It was like the pit. And all of them cheering and shouting for _her_. For her _violence_. She had ripped out her father's throat.

No, no, not her father's. Someone else's. Years ago, but it was fresh as her next breath. As the blood on her hands. It was happening again.

Claire collapsed against the wall, body tightening as she settled to the floor, still fighting to fill her lungs against the frantic pounding of her blood through her body. Sweat was rolling down her face and neck, gathering in her clenched fists. Tears were burning her eyes. In a hard jerk of movement she crossed her arms and trapped her own hands beneath them. She wouldn't hurt anyone this way, and she wouldn't have to look at those horrible red stains.

_Oh god, oh god, oh god...I can't...I..._

"Claire, baby," Jack knelt down beside her once he came through the door and saw her, "please, talk to me. What happened?"

Her mouth opened in a silent scream. No words emerged. What could she possibly say?

_Daddy, I'm broken. I'm haunted. I can't make it stop. Help me._

She winced at the feeling of his hands on her, pulling to try and set her upright. She wouldn't look at him, knowing what she would see. The face of a dead man.

It became too much for her to take. Her heart couldn't keep up and she just couldn't breathe deep enough. Everything faded out. Went dark. Went quiet.

Author's Note: This chapter felt a little strange, but so have I. Between Crohn's and migraines, things are weird. Still, I think I got across what I was reaching for. And if some of the crime/mystery parts are seeming hackneyed or gimmickey, that's just fine. The actual case is a means to and end. The important things are Yun and Claire. Just keep that in mind and hopefully you'll be able to forgive shoddy workmanship. No telling when the next chapter will be ready, got some serious research to do yet. IN any case, hope to see you there.


	9. Chapter 9

**For I Have Sinned**

**Chapter Nine**

The seventh victim was Julia Harvey, a sophomore at Kain University that disappeared more than a month ago. With her identity confirmed, it was only a matter of time before her parents were notified and asked to come to the federal extension for an interview. Ronsenberg would conduct the questioning while the others waited in an adjacent room, looking through two-way glass and listening through an intercom speaker. That in and of itself was its own kind of detective work, though a kind of detective work Yun didn't have a good relationship with. She wanted to be out on the street, making a difference, not stuck in here rocking on her heels with an impatient knit to her brow. Gallows stood beside her with a similar posture and expression, though her face was decidedly unreadable. She was studying what was going on beyond the glass, breaking it down in a way only she could. Rinoa parked it in a chair with Angelo postured at her side, handler patting the dog's head.

"I can only imagine what they're going through." Heartilly was shaking her head slowly, face creased with mild sadness.

"One of the hardest parts of the job." Yun replied. "Never gets easy. What do you think, Gallows?"

"I've never had to deliver news like that, so I can't say. But I can imagine it's difficult."

Yun made a face towards her cohort, one Gallows didn't address. "Cool as a cucumber. That normal?"

"Yes."

"Just checkin'." a curt nod.

"I take it Mr. Palazzo didn't have any valuable information?" Gallows continued.

"Nah. His travel records check out, so he wasn't even around when the body was dumped. Not meanin' that I don't think somethin's off about him."

"Oh?"

"He's just kinda..._meh_." and Yun wiggled one hand.

"Translated," Rinoa cut in, "she thought he was suspicious as fuck."

"I see." One silvery brow lifted for a moment, otherwise Gallows didn't move. "But you mentioned, detective, that you suspect he's a potential target."

"Yeah, I know. Still do. Just got a feelin', though." Yun crossed her arms, puzzled. "But that's another thing...what about your BAU guy, Gallows?"

"Dr. Valentine had a few theories. The as yet random occurrence of the abductions suggests our killer is an opportunist. There's little to no premeditation to choosing a victim. And the fact that all of the victims are of a particular physical type made him believe they are meant to represent either the killer themselves or someone they hold dear."

"Why so sentimental? Can't say murder is the highest form of flattery." Rinoa asked.

"The lack of antemortem injury aside from the strangulation led him to believe there was only minimal passion to the crime, as personal as strangulation is. The killer is taking these people for a purpose, perhaps a form of worship to whatever they are meant to represent. The fact that they've been preserved -albeit somewhat primitively- supports that. The only thing he couldn't make sense of was the postmortem stuff."

"What about the proximity of the dumps in relation to the abductions?"

"Just a part of the pattern. It's a form of organization, a sign of intelligence. This is no common criminal we're dealing with. It's someone on a mission, someone who knows _exactly_ what they need."

Yun looked at Gallows again, making a new sort of face. Impressed and a little weirded out. "Makes me wonder what you're doin' with a badge instead of a white coat."

"I've got a job with the feds waiting for me once I get out of college." Paine replied, matter of fact. "Criminal Psychology."

"Oh. Well ain't that somethin'. And you agree with this Valentine guy?"

"I do. But there's still a lot we couldn't figure out. There's something else that connects the victims. There _has_ to be."

"Physical type ain't enough? I mean, it worked for the Son of Sam. Bundy too."

"True, but their crimes were still random. They _centered_ on type. But there's more here. There's a _method_. Appearance is _why_, what we need is _how_ they put themselves into the position to choose a victim."

As rare as it was for planets and stars to align, for the chips to fall _just so_, Gallows would be proven right. Though not right away. After the Harveys left the station, the four of them gathered in their assigned room with all of the files and the tape from the interview. They reviewed everything, looking at each possible lead that came out of the new information and discussing its validity in detail. They would spend most of the morning and a good chunk of the afternoon checking and double checking facts and how they stood up to theories. Most of them led to dead ends.

Then, seemingly out of nowhere, Paine's brows raised and she spoke. "I think I've found something."

All heads turned and gave notice.

"Each of the victims studied the arts. One of them was actually a professor."

"All of them?" Ronsenberg grumbled.

"Yeah, even Julia Harvey. She was studying stage theater. Professor Damcyan taught music at Eden Central...the others fall right in behind them. Stage production, musical theater, you name it."

"What about this Palazzo guy?"

Yun leaned back in her chair. "I bet that fella's got a fancy sheepskin to go with all those ugly dresses in his store."

"They weren't that bad." Rinoa leaned in and whispered.

A gentle leer towards her partner. "And I'd put money on those paintings on the wall being his too."

"Check up on that." Ronsenberg nodded. "If it turns out he fits the pattern, I want one of you at his door or him at ours. He needs to know about this and given proper protection if necessary. Gallows, I'm going to need you to come with me to the public liaison's office to prep a statement."

Paine's face stretched, eyes wide. "But...we don't have enough. It could incite a public panic."

"The feds are getting impatient."

"I understand the need for urgency, commander, but at this point we will just be scaring people. Or worse, scaring the killer _off_."

He threw her his customary glare, icy eyed. "They want the public well informed and aware of the risk. We don't have much choice. What we _do_ have is an MO, which is enough for them."

"What if Gallows is right, what if our killer gets spooked?" Yun leaned forward, onto her elbows, brow knitted. "If he flees the city...hell, even the city-state-,"

"Then it'll be the feds' problem. I know what you're thinking," he knew the face she was making well after twenty years, "I want to catch 'em too, but we aren't holding the leash on this puppy, _they_ are."

Angelo whimpered.

"That's a load of shit if I ever heard of one." Yun chuffed, indignant.

"And for now it's _our_ load, so let's get to shoveling it."

They all stood up in unison, then left the room one at a time, per the usual. They split in the corridor, the commander and Paine going one way, Yun and her partner going the other.

"I _really_ don't want to go back to that store." Yun grumbled, a hand raking her scalp.

"Good thing for you then that we have this wonderful invention called a phone." Rinoa nudged her partner's arm with an elbow. "How about we get a late lunch and call him from there?"

"Nah, best do it now. If he's on our jerk's hit list, let's not waste time we might not have. Though lunch is not entirely out of the cards, now that you mention it." A sandwich the size of Angelo's head sounded great.

"So do you want to call Palazzo, or should I?"

"It's better you do it, my butt's buzzin'."

"I'll head for the car then, catch up when you're done." And she and Angelo continued down the corridor after Yun had waved them on.

"Detective Oerba speakin'."

_"It's Jack."_ his voice didn't sound right at all. _"Is this a bad time?"_

"Gods, no. I always got time for you. What's up?" Maybe it didn't register immediately, or else she wouldn't be carrying the conversation as if it were normal. But when he didn't respond right away, a heavy shrug carrying over the line from his end, she became uneasy. Her brow knitted tight. "What's wrong?"

_"We, uh, we're all here at Bodhum Trauma Center."_ a pause that made Yun's heart crash into her jump boots. _"Claire passed out, I didn't know what else to do."_

"What happened? Is she all right?"

_"Serah thinks it was an anxiety attack, doctors do too. I don't know what brought it on..."_ Yun could almost hear him shaking his head. _"She wanted to go, Yun, I thought everything would be okay."_

"Go where?"

_"It was a party one of my employees invited us too. She was having fun, she was_ dancing_ with a total stranger. I've got pictures to prove it._" an empty laugh jumped the line. _"But then,"_

"I'm coming over there."

_ "No, no, dear, it's easily a four hour drive from where you are and we're about to take Claire home. I can't ask one of Eden's finest to blow eight hours of her day driving to Bodhum and back."_

"Damn, why do you always gotta be the sensible one?" Yun shook her head. "Can I talk to her? I mean...does she even want me to?"

_"They've got her pumped full of Valium now, honey. She was out through the night but woke up still not quite okay, you know? They kept her sober long enough to run a few tests and ask some questions...she probably doesn't even know where she is right now. I mean...I could still try if you want."_

For a moment her only thought was to say yes. She hadn't heard her lover's voice in two weeks and it was _rough_. But she paused, just as her mouth opened. "Nah, it's okay. She wouldn't remember it anyway, would she?"

_"I don't know. I just fill prescriptions, I don't take them. Maybe you want to talk to Serah? She could explain this better than me."_

"Yeah, sure, Jack. And thanks for letting me know."

_"Think nothing of it. Here she is."_

Yun braced herself with a deep breath.

_"Yun?"_

"Hey little sister." she tried to sound better than she was feeling. "Sounds like your dad's holding up all right."

_"Sure, and if you could see him you'd eat those words."_

"I'll trust you on that. So can you gimme a better run-down?"

_"To be honest, I was listening, and dad has it pretty close. It was a severe anxiety attack. From what dad said, it happened rather suddenly, so I'm willing to guess something triggered a flashback. Claire had mentioned having them a week or so ago."_

Yun deflated, her body shrinking as she propped herself against the wall. "Gods have mercy."

_"But, as terrible as it all sounds, Yun, this is actually a good thing."_

"Okay, now you're just fuckin' with me."

_"No, I mean it. Dad bringing her to the hospital is a huge step in the right direction. I managed to convince the doctors to test her for PTSD, and if they can make a concrete diagnosis, we can get her the help she needs."_

"Not if she don't want it. We've been over this."

_"True, but you have to admit you've been babying her about it."_

Her face scrunched. "We're not talking about me."

_"But _you_ are still a part of the equation, okay? Don't be in denial. We're all in this together, and we need to be ready to help her."_

"I know. Don't like that it had to come to somethin' this extreme."

_"But sometimes that's the only thing that makes a difference."_

"Fair enough." Yun shrugged. "So how's our girl now?"

_"High as a kite, she'll likely sleep the rest of the day. Normally I love watching people on Valium for the first time, but this is just...it's sad, Yun. I'm glad you're not here to see it."_

"Puttin' it like that, I am too." If Claire knew she was there, seeing her in such a state...poor girl wouldn't be able to handle the embarrassment. "But she's all right? She didn't hurt herself or-,"

_"She's okay."_

"Good. Is...is there anythin' I can do?"

_"Not now, but if anything comes up, you'll be the first to know."_ a pause. _"How are _you_ holding up?"_

"It ain't easy, youngin', I'll tell ya that. And I'll admit that this isn't helpin' matters."

_"But you would've been pissed if we hadn't called."_

"I'm not sayin' I wouldn't be. Just don't like feelin' so damn useless, you know?" there were other things, big things, but whining about them wouldn't change much. "I mean," her throat tightened, "I love her but...I can't _help_."

_"I understand, I _do_, believe me. But you need to remember that eventually, when she finally chooses to get help, at some point it's just going to be the two of you. Whatever parts of your relationship that have been damaged by her behavior...that's just you guys. _No one_ will be able to help with that."_

"That don't make me feel much better now."

_"I'm not surprised. As it stands, the best you can do to help is just keep your phone handy. I'll be staying with her the next couple days while dad's at work, I'll see if I can convince her to call you. I think it would do her more good than she thinks."_

"That makes two of us."

_"And if you need anything, someone to talk to...you know."_

"I do." she nodded. "Think I'll just shove my head in the sand a little longer, thanks. Got a job to do after all."

_"Just don't make a habit of it."_

"Yes, ma'am. Thanks again, Serah. And tell my girl I'm thinkin' of her."

_"Sure. Goodbye."_

Yun put her back to the wall and let her hand drop to her side as if her phone had suddenly become a brick. Frowning she shoved it back in her pocket as she raked her scalp with hooked fingers. A deep, deep breath pushed her chest out and then in again. Then she slapped both palms hard into the wall as she lifted from it, swearing as she stalked down the hall.

Rinoa could feel the doom aura surrounding her partner from the second she saw Yun's shadow as she came out of the extension building. She couldn't see the severity of her eyes for the sunglasses, but she didn't have to. Angelo whimpered behind her, ears tilting back as she curled up behind the driver seat.

All Rinoa could think to do when Yun climbed into the car was just keep her eyes forward. Hands at ten and two. Not a word.

Yun noticed. How could she not? She dipped her chin and peered over the brass rims of her sunglasses at her partner.

"So where to?"

"Yes!" she jumped. "I mean...yeah, um, Mr. Palazzo says he's willing to meet us at his place this evening. It's the only free time he has so it's now or never."

Yun settled in her seat and buckled up, nodding. "And coming to the station wasn't a good idea?"

"I suggested it, but he refused every time. If you ask me I think he's a little paranoid."

"Seemed together when we talked to him."

"Yeah, but it was in his comfort zone. Gallows says you get completely different attitudes when someone is or isn't in their comfort zone."

"Don't you be goin' all white coat on me too, Heartilly. We're gonna need all boots on the ground for this, ya got me?"

"Sure I do." She nodded, turning the ignition. "Lunch first though."

"You bet." and that put a small smile on her face.

Rinoa paused a moment, still having yet to put the SUV in gear. "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah."

"Everything okay?"

"I'm fine." It was a quick, seemingly rehearsed answer. Naturally untrue.

Rinoa turned her head to look into the back, hearing Angelo whine. "She says you're lying."

"Well I wasn't answerin' to her, Officer Dolittle." Yun chuffed.

"Then who was that call from, if you're so _fine_?"

"Nun-ya"

"Gesundheit?"

"As in 'Nun-ya business'. My call, my business." Yun adjusted in her seat. "So how about that lunch?"

"Okay. But are you sure-,"

"Chop-chop round-eye, I'm hungry!" Yun met Rinoa's widened, shocked gaze with a toothy smirk. "It's the long peddle on the right, sweet cheeks." She pointed downward with one finger towards Rinoa's feet, grinning like a fool.

And after a moment they just laughed at each other.

Lunch would go as planned, including the sandwich the size of a dog's head. Yun still refused to divulge what the phone call was about, but Rinoa also ceased asking. Nun-ya business after all. From there Yun would take the wheel for the near hour trip outside of Eden to Mr. Palazzo's house on the outskirts of the western suburbs. She needed to _know_ where this guy lived, she said. No explanation why, it just had to be that way.

Eden wasn't visible from the neighborhood they found themselves in. The skyline was just a gray blur on the horizon, improperly stroked hair on a cat's back, and blocked by a selection of two and three storied houses on either side of the street. This was certainly the swanky part of town, the side working folks like them rarely got to see. Perfectly manicured lawns, brick and marble facades, masonry barriers and gates that would swing open at the behest of a keypad somewhere. Straight up Stepford.

"So which one is his?" Yun asked, the SUV now at a steady crawl as they peeked at house numbers.

"He said number 306, I think." Rinoa scanned the houses as they passed by. "There, that's it."

The house was somewhat unremarkable from the others, save for the regiment of immaculate white columns along the perimeter of the front porch. As well as some impressive statuary, three full sized figures of a classical yet barely human persuasion situated between the pillars.

Yun pulled over at the foot of the driveway.

"Nice place. Maybe we should retire and design clothes." Rinoa looked across the hood of the car at her partner."

"Not hardly." She knew there wasn't a cold chance in hell she'd ever make a cent.

"Just a thought, I mean, for money like that."

"Well money like that is gonna have to wait until we're off duty."

"Fair enough. You care to go ahead? I think Angelo and I are going to have a look around the property."

"Just hang tight and let me ask him first." She started up the paved path to the door, lingering only a moment at the top of the stoup to study one of the statues after lifting her sunglasses to rest atop her head. A press of the doorbell button beside the door evoked a church bell type chime from within the house.

Mr. Palazzo himself would answer. "Good evening, detective."

Yun hesitated only a moment, seeing him in slacks and nice shirt, even a tie, but it was pressed beneath a denim apron that was splashed with dark red stains. "Is...everything all right, Mr. Palazzo?"

"What? Oh yes," a nasal chuckle as he looked himself over. "I'm afraid I was in the middle of my other job. I'm a painter as well."

"So I see." Yun nodded. "Mind if I come in?"

"Not at all, detective. Please," and he stood aside, allowing the door to swing a a little wider.

"Before we get neck-deep in it, would you mind if my partner has a walk around your property?"

One amber brow lifted. "Is that really necessary?"

"Just a precaution, sir. I'll be happy to explain once we're behind a closed door." she insisted gently.

"Well...I don't see why not. Whatever needs to be done I suppose."

"Thank you for your cooperation, sir." Yun would wave back to Rinoa, giving her the green light before stepping inside and out of sight.

"If you'll follow me, we can talk in my studio."

Yun didn't really know what to make of Mr. Palazzo's home. It looked to have been nothing but white marble when he first acquired the house. Now the walls were decked with murals of various sizes, subject matter, and styles. Skeins of rich dyed fabrics hung from the ceiling which was easily thirty feet up, crimson and purple and gold. And they were only in the foyer, no telling how luxurious the rest of the place was.

Marble peacocks guarded the foot of the polished wood stairs with green velvet carpet leading all the way up. The pathway went into a horseshoe at the top, several rooms lining it along either side. Yun followed him to the left side, the last door and nodded in gratitude as he held the door for her. A great bay window lined the eastern wall of the room, filling the whitewashed room with light. Canvases in rows were propped along the walls, many of them blank, but a majority were filled and covered in sheets to protect them prying eyes. Yun's eyes were fixed on the far end of the room where a eight foot tall canvas was pinned up lengthwise. While it appeared at a glance to be a mess of sketches thrown together like ink in a dryer full of white shirts, a closer look revealed a complex...something.

A collection of bodies arranged with some sort of conscious intent along the length of some kind of tendril looking to be made of either flesh or metal, or even both. At its base was an obviously demonic, hulking creature. At the apex, a recollection of the Pieta.

"What do you think of it?" Mr. Palazzo smiled ear to ear, excitement in his eyes.

"Not sure. What is it exactly?"

"Funny thing is, I don't know. I don't _actually_ remember doing it. I think I was high on turpentine when it happened." he giggled a little. Shrill like an old woman. He would spend another half minute admiring his glorious accident before his attitude changed entirely. "So what is this about, detective? Your partner had mentioned important information that I needed to be made aware of?"

"Yes, Mr. Palazzo. New evidence shows various patterns that our present victims follow," she took a breath, "and that you might also follow."

"Is that so?" He paused, turned and laughed. A bird like and grating sound this time. "I mean no disrespect, but I find that rather sensational."

"I'd imagine so."

"So what patterns am I supposedly a part of, detective?"

"The evidence so far shows a consistent physical type with the victims, particularly in facial structure and hair color."

"Fancy that." the grin on his face was more akin to the split of a clean cut wound. "Is that all?"

"Not entirely. You wouldn't happen to have a degree in the arts, would you, sir?"

"Actually I do. I have a masters from Kain University in textile arts. Among other things, of course."

"Of course. But identifying the victims so far has revealed _all_ of them have connections in the arts, be it by a degree or tenure as a professor."

"Oh goodness, a professor was murdered? That _is_ quite serious, isn't it?"

"Yessir, it is." she crossed her arms, maybe a little miffed he only _just now_ accepted that.

"Who was it?"

She wasn't really at liberty to say, but her heart went out to him. "Edward Damcyan."

Mr. Palazzo's face stretched, melpomenic, and he put a boney, paint-stained hand over his mouth. A whimper escaped as his body expanded then contracted. "Oh Ed, heavens,"

"You knew him, then?"

"I worked with him on a production of The Dream Oath last year at the Tot Conservatory." he shook his head, his dismayed expression holding.

_Another connection._ "That so? You wouldn't happen to remember anyone else from that performance, would you?"

"I'd have to think about it, but after a spell I could." he sniffled and cleared his throat. "My goodness, I had no idea."

"I'm sorry you had to find out this way, sir. Still, I suppose what it comes down to is whether or not you want police protection. Arrangements can be made for an officer to be here around the clock. All you have to do is ask."

"You really think this..._killer_ is coming for me?" his palm rested against his cheek. "My, my, my," he shook his head again. "But I can't just hold up in here until you catch him, can I? I have a business to run!"

"We're not asking you to, Mr. Palazzo. You would just need to let the officer know where you're headed when you leave the house is all."

"Well that's not very convenient is it?"

"Better than bein' dead, though." she put it bluntly, thinking it would sink in a little faster.

His brows raised. "Indeed. In that case...whatever you think is best, detective. Honestly, sometimes I can't be responsible for my own well being, and that's the truth."

"You said it, not me. But I'll be sure to let my superiors know and we should have a cruiser outside your door by tonight at the earliest. No later than the morning."

"Thank you, detective."

"And again, thank you for your cooperation. Let me give you my number," she had a card in her wallet to pass to him, "let me know once you get those names for me, alright? And anything else you think might be important, no matter how little."

"Of course. Do you mind seeing yourself out? I'd like to get back to work."

"Have a nice day, sir."

Yun would wait a short while in the car for Rinoa to return with Angelo. They hadn't found anything suspicious. From there they would return to the extension office and report what new developments they had. It would be after dark when Yun relented to camp out at Rinoa's for the night, blaming her surrender to the idea on the need to do her laundry. She would call Vanille in the morning to check on her apartment, make sure the place was still standing.

_(II)_

She didn't know where she was or what time it was, but she was terribly thirsty. Claire had slept for the last eight hours straight, twelve hours before that when she woke at the hospital and the doctor started asking all those damn questions. If one could possibly over sleep, she had certainly done that. Slept long enough to wear herself out.

The feel of the blankets and pillows surrounding her put Claire at ease. It felt familiar, like home. Lying still but awake for a moment longer allowed her to hear the dull tones of voices in the living room. Her father's and maybe even Serah's.

_She had been there at the hospital._ Claire remembered, though it was faint. And she remembered she was so scared to suddenly be in a place she didn't recognize. What she couldn't recall -not right away- was why she was there, her last memory being of the party in low-town. When it did happen to come back to her, it just made her upset. Made her feel like the scum of the earth in spite of everyone telling her she shouldn't. And that conversation only served to wind her up again, to the point where the good doctor -a portly fellow with a bushy red beard- thought it time to start in on the Valium. The smaller of the two doses would keep her mellowed out as not to have a second episode, but not so wobbly she couldn't answer some questions.

Claire had thought them all too damn personal. She didn't like talking about her problems, doubly so people asking about them. She didn't like being asked how often she had to put up with them, how bad it made her feel on a scale from zero to three. And she _hated_ being asked if it effected her relationships with family, friends, and her sex life. It made her sick to her stomach since she wasn't really able to conjure up the feeling of anger at the time. By the end of the interview she just wanted to disappear. Thankfully she was allowed to leave shortly after.

She didn't remember the ride home as she was asleep, having been given the second shot of Valium before being discharged. Doctor's only orders were for her to rest and relax for the next couple days, until the test results came back. No school work, no chores, no stress.

Claire rolled onto her back, rubbing the fuzzy feeling from her cheek with an unsteady hand. She took a deep breath before trying to sit up. Her muscles didn't really want to cooperate, feeling overtaxed and unwilling. Once sitting she held her head in her hands, bracing her weight on her elbows and thighs. There was a creeping need to throw up, right next to one for tapping a kidney. She would make it across the hall to bathroom with little trouble. A splash of cold water on her face once she was done served to make her feel just a little better. Though a glance in the mirror proved that the feeling didn't translate to how she felt she looked.

Claire felt the pressure of eyes when she wandered into the living room from the hall, felt and ignored it as she made a bee-line for the kitchen.

Jack heard the scuff of footsteps on the tiles behind him, causing him to turn his head. "How are you feeling, sweet heart?"

"Thirsty." she started into one the cabinets hunting for a glass.

From his place in front of the stove Jack watched her fill and empty the cup twice before saying another word. "Otherwise? You okay?"

"I guess." she panted a little, her hands braced on the edge of the counter. "What's Serah still doing here?"

"She was worried about you too, you know." Jack returned his attention to the stove. "And she's offered to keep you company for a day or two while I'm at work. Make sure you do what the doctor said."

"I'm not a child." her brow scrunched.

"No, but you _are_ stubborn like your father, I've noticed. Besides, she's been wanting to spend time with you since you came to stay with me."

"Fair enough." a small shrug.

"Plus," his tone changed, softened, "I think she wants to have a talk with you. And I know it's not my business, but I think you should listen. I mean, _really_ listen."

Claire took a breath after filling her glass again, thinking. "I know. You're right. Just...give me a minute. I just woke up."

"Maybe you'll feel better after dinner." he thought aloud. "Food's almost ready, do you feel up to eating?"

She nodded after a moment. "Maybe a little, sure."

"Go ahead and have a seat, then. It'll be just a minute or two."

Serah and Snow would find their way to the table just as she was pulling out a chair, it would be the first time Claire would acknowledge her brother-in-law's presence. They exchanged quiet greetings, as did she and Serah, and when Jack approached the table with a large steaming pot, the four sat down. One by one, they passed forward their plates for a portion of Jack's spaghetti and meatballs.

"When was the last time you made this, dad?" Serah asked after swallowing the first generous bite.

"It's been a while. Hardly worth making a family favorite when you live by yourself." Jack smiled a little.

"Guess we'll have to visit more often then." Snow said, hinting with one cheek bulging.

Claire was quiet, taking a few bites with a noticeable hurry. First waking up the idea of food was _so_ off limits, now she couldn't shovel it in fast enough. When it hit her stomach there was a swell of warmth, comfort, and she relaxed into her chair with a contented exhale.

"My birthday," she said after a moment longer, "Yun always asked if I wanted a special meal for my birthday. I guess she figured food was the perfect gift, seeing as she didn't really know what to get me otherwise and neither did I." A little smile. "She took me for steak the first time. But after that...I dunno...it drove her crazy, but I could never decide what it was I wanted. Now I know." she nodded slowly and then looked at Jack. "It was this. Did I ever ask you to make this for me, dad?"

Part of her thought the small figments of memory were just that, figments. Something maybe her mind made up to fill in empty spaces. But it felt genuine, the taste of the meal familiar enough to strike a chord.

"Well," Jack cleared his throat, feeling it tighten a little. "There was a time you would ask me every day to make it, but your mother wasn't having that." then he sniffed. "But yeah, you would. For your birthday actually."

"I remember that too." Serah nodded. "One time he made a meatball the size of my fist and put a candle in it. You ate it too."

"Guess my apatite never changed."

The lot of them had a good laugh.

"I'm sorry." Claire said suddenly, the laughter stopping. "I didn't mean to worry everyone."

"It's all right, sweetheart." Jack was quick to say. "I'm glad it was just anxiety. I was so scared, I thought...I really don't know _what_ I thought."

Claire's brow knitted, curious. "Did you really _need_ to take me to the hospital, though?"

"I didn't know what was wrong. It was the only thing I could think to do." Jack shook his head.

"Plus, I think the visit was long overdue." Serah added.

"What do you mean?" She thinned her eyes at her younger sister.

"You needed it." Serah said frankly, sounding guiltless. "Even now I don't think you would have taken those tests otherwise."

It was obvious she didn't like the sound of that, suddenly feeling like she was the brunt of a bad practical joke. "What were they for, anyway?"

"To find out the exact nature of your anxiety issues. Don't make that face, it's about time you accepted your situation. You're sick."

Claire flinched. Jack and Snow shifted in their seats, feeling the tension in the room mount.

After a moment Claire's scowl eased, though her brow was still low over her eyes. "You're right." she dropped her eyes to the table again. "You're right...and I need to accept that. I am sick." Beneath the table she wrung her hands together, knuckles almost white. "And it's obvious I can't handle it by myself."

And it was the truth of the matter, as difficult as it was for her to force it out like a golf ball through a garden hose. Claire had fought long and hard to keep her past shoved down and out of her way so she could have a life, have a future. For a while it worked. Having the freedom to grow and mature as a human being allowed her to put a rather mighty wall between her new self and the dog. Of course it wasn't perfect, a few cracks kept her from sleeping through the night on occasions, and a doggie door for those tougher days. But until now she could always push through it. No one got hurt. The cracks had opened too wide to ignore and the doggy door was more like a dog pound full of teeth. She didn't know how to put the wall back up or if it could be repaired at all.

"I can't live like this anymore."

Author's Note: I know the last thing you guys want to read about is anything that isn't Claire and Yun making up. Though I won't apologize for the serious imbalance of this chapter. Still, we've made some milestones together and it's all uphill from here. And since you guys have been so great, maybe a break in radio silence between our favorite girls will be in the near future. Thanks again guys, and I appreciate all the feedback. Also you can find a little artwork from this and other fics at my DA page .com


	10. Chapter 10

**For I Have Sinned**

**Chapter Ten**

It was Monday now, the fourth day since Claire's anxiety attack and trip to the hospital. The weekend had been uneventful. Serah was sure to keep her older sister as occupied as possible to avoid her getting depressed, but not so occupied that she would get wound up in the wrong way. The doctor had said she should rest as much as possible, nothing stressful like school work or house chores, but Serah wasn't going to fight with Claire if she chose to do either one. That would just worsen the situation. But she was sure to keep an eye on her without interfering. She only had to step in a couple of times, when Claire spent a few hours in the guestroom by herself. It was just the sense of things being much too quiet. She would creep into the doorway and peek inside, seeing Claire sitting in front of a still blank canvas, her arms crossed and with a sharp hunch to her shoulders. Serah gently suggested that they maybe go for a walk, let her have a break from it for a while. She would relent to the idea, albeit reluctantly.

Over the course of those few days, Serah would talk to Claire about what the hospital tested her for, what all the questions were about. It would be the first time the elder Farron would hear of PTSD, but not the first time denial would try to rear its ugly head. The first time Serah tried to explain, Claire tried not to really listen. She didn't want to hear it, didn't want to know just how bad off she could be. But just as much, Serah didn't want to give up this time. She intended to push.

"It can happen to anyone, Claire." She said. "It's not nearly as rare as you think."

Not that its frequency had much to do with how she felt. It was the reality that she was indeed sick, and the illness she supposedly had was as of yet without a cure. No cure, no hope. Though she tried not to let that hopelessness show, she didn't want the extra babying she was bound to get. At this point, the only silver lining was the chance Serah could be wrong, that things weren't as bad she was expecting.

She was much more likely to be struck by a car...again.

"I'm just trying to prepare you for the worst. And even if it is...there's ways for you to learn how to manage it."

But could she? Would Claire be able to change a part of herself some fifteen years in the making? Was there a way to erase all the harm she had done? All the memories of having done it? Nah. No cure, no hope.

Claire would get a similar run-down today as her and Jack and Serah sat in the doctor's office. Serah's prep-talk didn't serve much purpose other than mildly frustrating her at having to hear the same thing twice. The diagnosis was clear: PTSD. And the doctor went through all the ins-and-outs of the condition while Jack held her hand. Claire really didn't know how to feel about it. A small bubble of anger, maybe, of facing what Serah had called "accepting her situation". That same hopelessness too. And a modicum of fear, which gathered as the doctor kept talking, of the weight of that awful acronym. A bold print stamp slapped the letters across her forehead in red ink, like a warning.

Keep out of reach of children. Hazardous materials. Beware of dog.

"I'm going to write you a script for a pair of low dose drugs to help with your mood swings and sleep disturbances. They're to be taken four times a week, preferably in the morning with food." the doctor said.

"What drugs?" Jack had to ask.

"Topiramate and Tradozone. Comparatively they're high test, but it was the best option considering the test results. And if you think it's too much, or the side effects aren't worth what improvements you get, then we'll take it from there. But there's been a lot of success with this pairing."

"Long term or short?"

"With drugs this potent, we'll go for the short term -no longer than six months. During that time I would like for you, Ms. Farron, to start regular appointments with a therapist. I have a list of doctors who specialize in trauma disorders and can write you a referral." He passed a couple sheets of paper forward, all of them full of columns of names and numbers. Claire took them without looking. "With therapy, we should be able to regulate the symptoms until you can learn to manage them without such potent medication. Once we reach that point we can put you on what we call low dose rescue medicines for sudden symptoms."

"What kind of side effects are we looking at?"

"The most common are drowsiness, dizziness, fatigue, and nausea. I would suggest staying home for the first week of taking them if you can until it passes. If it gets too bad before then, you can take over the counter remedies for the nausea."

"Any dietary restrictions?"

The doctor laughed. "You've been through this before, Mr. Farron?"

"I'm a pharmacist."

"Ah, I see. Still, it's good to ask. She should be able to eat as usual, whatever she feels up to in the first week. But I would keep the caffeine to a minimum if you can, until the medicine has had a chance to get into her system and start working."

Claire was listening, had been the entire time, but a lot of it was coming through as white noise. She would remember everything the doctor said, just not pay it any mind right now. The bright red ink on her forehead was still trying to dry.

From the doctor's office they went to the pharmacy to fill the prescriptions. Kah almost jumped from behind the counter when he saw Claire walk through the door with Jack. You could see the instinct hidden between the worry lines in his face as he apologized over and over if anything he had done served to upset her. Though Claire assured him time and again that it wasn't his fault, he still felt the need to hug her all the while foreign whimpers escaped his mouth. Jack was again impressed that Claire didn't rearrange his face for being so bold.

From the pharmacy the three of them had lunch together, and would finally return home in the late afternoon.

Claire put the little white paper bag with her medication on the table, staring at it for a moment like one stares at an excised tumor. A quiet contempt. A little voice in the back of her head told her toss it in the garbage, that she didn't _need_ it.

_They don't know what they're talking about, they don't understand you. You don't have to listen to them and take that shit. They don't know what you need._

She furrowed her brow and sighed.

"You okay, honey?"

Claire looked across the table at her father's question. After a moment she sighed. "I guess."

"What's on your mind?"

"Just," she looked down at the paper bag again, this time picking it up, "is this really going to make me better?"

"It's going to help." Jack replied.

Her expression still showed uncertainty. "I've never had to take stuff like this before. What if it doesn't work?"

"We'll just have to wait and see, sweetie. I know that doesn't make you feel any better, but it's the way of things. And the doctor said it was only temporary, remember?"

"I remember." she nodded, but her brow seemed to only knit tighter.

"It's a lot to take in, isn't it?" he ventured gently.

"Yeah. I still don't know how to feel about it."

"As long as you're not feeling ashamed over it, I suppose that's a good thing." it was the best he could come up, it was visible on his face. "After dinner the three of us can sit down and look over that list. Tuesday we'll try to set up an appointment with a therapist for you."

"We might not have to do much looking, dad." Serah came into the kitchen with the papers. "Dr. Ballad is on this list."

His brow raised, his forehead creasing with surprise. "That so? How about that...but the decision is ultimately Claire's."

"His name sounds familiar." Claire said, setting the bag down.

"He was at my Solstice party, sweetheart. Didn't I introduce the two of you?"

"I don't remember." Claire shook her head. "Then again, I wasn't very open to introductions at the time."

While they didn't say anything, Jack and Serah both nodded. Seeing it made Claire's heart sink a little. She had to wonder what else her family had noticed about her behavior that she had foolishly ignored.

"Describe him to me."

"Tall, broad shoulders, square jaw, dark hair," Serah thought a moment, "and a phone voice like liquid sex."

Claire made a face, eyes wide open. "Doesn't ring a bell."

"Well, if you want, we can make an appointment and see if he's right for you." Jack met eyes with his eldest as he finished.

"Okay." she nodded. It wasn't her most honest answer, more so the one she needed to give. "How do you two know him?"

"I started seeing him shortly after I decided to stop drinking." Jack stepped away from the table as he spoke, heading for the refrigerator and a cold soda on the middle shelf. "I'd trust the man with my life if it ever came down to it. Well, in a way I have," he popped the top off of the can and took his first sip. "Still, that's just what _I_ know. I can't decide what's best for you." he met Claire's eyes again.

"I guess we'll find out, won't we?" Part of her hoped her father's instinct was right, hoped this new doctor would help save her from this. Another part of her was terrified.

Claire's first week on the medication was far from promising. Having never taken prescription drugs before her body had no tolerance to them, thus suffered through a host of initial side effects. Her sleep cycle became irregular. No sleepwalking or night terrors to speak of, but there was no telling when the drowsiness would settle in heavy enough to make her fall asleep. Even in the middle of the day. And as what seems to be order-of-the-day for mood altering drugs, depression and irritability seemed in higher frequency. One day, early on in the week, she just felt like crying. And she did just that. Never mind that she did so in the bathroom floor after dealing with the nausea the doctor had warned her about.

In short, she was miserable. In her mind she was feeling enough pain as it is from guilt that she shouldn't have to put up with this medicinal bullshit. What possible purpose could it serve getting sicker in order to get better? As the week dragged on, she would come to count on both hands how many times she was tempted to throw those goddamn ugly orange bottles out the window. Healing wasn't supposed to feel so..._bad_. Was it?

"Just keep telling yourself, honey: one more day, one more dose. It'll help." Jack had done his best to comfort her through this. And he often did a fine job, considering he was rarely sure what he could do to help. "I know it's rough right now, I've been there, but it's only temporary."

Claire had never wanted so badly to _hit_ someone as she had her father in that moment. Her guts twisted with frustration and a spark of anger she knew shouldn't be there. Part of her was still fighting the process, part of her still didn't want to accept that things were changing. The same part that wanted to make excuses.

"I don't _want_ another dose, dad." she tried to reign the feelings in out of reflex, but her testament came through a tightened jaw that she failed to hide. "I can't focus, I can hardly keep any food down...this _sucks_." she just couldn't find a better word.

"Have you been using the medicine I got for your nausea?" he lifted one eyebrow.

"I'm _sick_ of pills."

Jack frowned. "I'm sorry, darling, but you're going to have to get over it." he hated to say it, but that didn't make it any less true. "Like you said, it _sucks_, but that's how it is right now. You can't make it go away, and even if you could I wouldn't let you."

Claire wouldn't look at him, knowing it would break his heart to see the anger she could feel pulling her features. He wasn't supposed to say these things, he wasn't supposed to be _making_ her deal with this. Jack was supposed to relent to her complaints and let her off the hook, and it nigh on enraged her that he wasn't doing it this time. The emotion boiled upward, higher than she could manage, and she snatched the nearest object to her to toss to the floor. A chair.

"Claire Elaine Farron, I will _not_ tolerate violence in this house!"

In rare form, she met his challenge. "Throw me out then!"

"I wouldn't think of it," his grimace twisted with disgust at the idea, "but I'm not above calling the hospital and letting _them_ keep you for a couple days. They will make sure you take your medicine too, but they'll be far less caring about it."

And like _that_ the anger was gone, replaced with frightened disbelief. She could see it in his eyes. Gods, he was _serious_. Quickly, as quietly as possible, she picked the chair up and put it back on its legs, pushing it back under the table. Then she tucked her hands beneath crossed arms and sort of shrank away.

Jack _hated_ doing it, he felt dirty, the words had been hot and filthy the moment they passed his teeth. But he knew in his heart of hearts he had to say them. The same way he knew she needed her father right now, not her daddy.

"I'm sorry I had to pull that card on you, honey." he rounded the table slowly towards her. "But you've got to understand...there's no turning back from here. I know it's hard right now, but _this_ is going to be the hardest part. Getting started always is. You've said yourself that you can't handle this alone anymore, right?"

She nodded, still seeming scared.

"Well, you're not alone now. I'm here to help, and sometimes a helping hand has to be firm. Do you understand?"

"Y-yeah. And I'm sorry. I should've...I know better."

"It's all right. Honey...please, look at me."

She tried. She succeeded.

"I understand you're frustrated, it's okay. But you've come too far already, and what kind of father would I be if I let you quit now?"

Claire didn't say anything, just looked at him like a lost puppy. Begging for forgiveness with her eyes.

"Come here, baby." and he hugged her.

From there it got a little easier. Claire took her father's initial advice of "one more day, one more dose" to take the edge off. Otherwise it was all she could to do to keep herself busy, anything to keep her mind on something other than how shitty she was feeling. Not to say she would accomplish much, the canvas in her room still empty, but it wasn't for a lack of trying. The side effects would start to taper off by the end of the fifth day. Her ability to focus was still touch and go, but the drowsiness and irritability were leveling out. Jack would notice the distinct difference, finally feeling comfortable enough to call Dr. Ballad and arrange Claire's first appointment.

Dr. Caius Ballad graduated from Lindblum Medical Institute with a major in psychology and a minor in behavioral studies. After graduation he was hired by the Department of Public Health in Sanctum as a guidance counselor. He spent the next five years dealing with some of the city-state's worst cases of anxiety. From there he found his way into Veterans Affairs, which allowed him to work closely with trauma-centric disorders. Seven years with them allowed him to acquire certification as a specialist and marry his college sweetheart, which seemed to be the convincing argument for him to open a personal practice. That was three years ago.

Dr. Ballad had worked with Jack for roughly a year, give or take a few weeks. Found him to be self-destructive to due to self-loathing and guilt brought about by the back-to-back trauma of losing his daughter and his wife's suicide shortly after. It wasn't the most complicated case he had handled, but Jack was a good man and the two had become friends. That being said, there was no hesitation to his agreeing when Jack called him asking for a favor.

_"I don't want to inconvenience you, but I'm hoping you wouldn't mind coming by and talking to Claire. You remember her, my eldest?"_

"I do, yes." Even though his first encounter with her was less than memorable.

_"Doctor gave me a list of shrinks...but you were my first choice. I trust you."_

"I appreciate the consideration. Would Monday afternoon be acceptable?"

_"That's just fine. Thank you, doc."_

"My pleasure."

Dr. Ballad encouraged his new patients to allow him in their home for their first meeting, explaining that it was best for them to be as comfortable as possible, to the point where they would not hesitate to send him away should the need arise. He wanted them to have total control of the situation.

Serah answered the door that afternoon. He expected it and greeted her warmly with a handshake. Having attended several conventions together they were more than acquaintances, almost colleagues. He would catch only his second glance of Jack's other daughter from where he now stood beside his friend's chair. He caught Claire's gaze as she emerged from the hallway, her eyes on him in a fashion similar to a doe that caught the eyes of the wolf that had been hunting her. Cautious, hyper-aware, studying. Dr. Ballad could almost feel her apprehension at the sight of him, not entirely unlike when they first met.

"You remember Dr. Ballad now, don't you Claire?"

"Yeah." she replied, nodding curtly, gaze unbroken. The memory came to her like switching on a light, sudden, almost jarring. He had been wearing something similar to the Solstice party as he was now, a dark suit with a violet button shirt, though he had on a silly holiday tie then instead of the gun-metal-gray one. His dark, almost silver hair was tied in a ponytail. He had tried at conversation then, tried and failed as Claire had kept her responses to quick, one word replies. She had never looked him in the eye, which she realized was probably for the better at the time. She felt like he could see right through her.

"Good afternoon." he greeted.

"Hi."

"Is there somewhere you would feel comfortable enough for us to sit and talk?"

"Kitchen's fine."

The three of them shifted into the adjacent room, pulling chair's from the table, though Serah paused, standing beside her sister.

"You want me to stay?" it was a quiet inquiry.

"I think I've got it." Claire said with a nod as she took her seat.

"I'll take a walk then. I have my phone if you need me." After she left, the silence in the house became tangible.

For several solid minutes they sat at the table, not saying a word. Weighing each other unconsciously, trying for information.

Finally, "Are you uncomfortable?" he asked.

"A little."

"Would you like me to leave?"

"No. I mean...you came all this way." she didn't look at him, thumbs fiddling.

"Well, just so you know, if ever you do, I will. This is your home, after all."

"Thanks." She swallowed after a small nod. "So...how can you help me?"

"That remains to be seen. I try my best to form a bond of trust with my patients before getting deep into the program. Like now, if you're all right with it, I would love for you to just tell me about yourself and what you would like my help with. We can get to know one another as friends, never mind the doctor-patient relationship for now. If you and I could reach the point where you can share with me as easily as you could -say- your father, I would consider that progress."

Claire considered the idea and initially shuddered. She didn't know how much Dr. Ballad _thought_ he knew about her relationship with her family, but it couldn't have been much. There were things she would never be able to tell Jack. Same goes for Yun. Not a chance in hell. Doubly so for a man she, in a sense, had just met.

"Say we get that far," she had to push a little to get the words out, "then what?"

"A lot of that would depend on you. My methods range from confessional therapy to controlled stimulus exposure, as well as regressive hypnosis sessions. All the while -taking into account which is most effective for you- I'll try to teach you to better process your feelings and thoughts as we go. With greater understanding should come better control. Management should be your ultimate goal."

Claire nodded. _Because there is no cure._

"And if none of it works?"

"Then I will do everything I can to help you find a better solution. _I_ am here to help _you_, whatever that might entail."

Claire took a moment to think, consider more questions. She finally looked at him. "There are things I can't remember...things people shouldn't forget...like my mother. Can you help with that?"

"I have the tools necessary to make the effort." he admitted, not about to make a promise he couldn't keep.

"Can you help me forget?"

His thin, dark brows quirked. "No. But that can't be what your therapy is about. Forgetting the negatives in your life is a pipe dream if not a crux of your issues. It's an unconscious form of denial that would need to be resolved."

Claire felt her heart sink. He made it sound so damn simple. There was _nothing_ simple about this. "How?" she asked, a slight tightness to her jaw showing frustration.

"Generally it's a matter of acceptance, but the nature of it can only be determined as we progress."

"That doesn't tell me anything."

"I've told you something you don't fully understand." he countered gently.

"I'm not stupid." her eyes thinned on him.

"That wasn't my intention." he shook his head. "I have a tendency to state the obvious at seemingly terrible times, you'll have to forgive me."

She _wanted_ to toss him through the front door. Instead she took a breath and ignored it. "Would I still be able to change my mind...if I agree to this?"

"After a point I would discourage it, but I couldn't force you to continue allowing me to treat you."

The response brought her some relief, made the idea of commitment a lot less daunting. Having an escape route is always a plus.

"So what do I need to do?"

"Three times a week at my office. It will be rather simple in the beginning, like I mentioned, with us getting comfortable with one another but structured. After the first week we'll start the actual work, testing the waters -so to speak- for what works best for you. Then we go from there. And there is _one_ rule."

"Which is?"

"Once the session begins, I would encourage you not to leave my office until we're finished. Barring extreme circumstances of course."

She almost laughed. "You intend to push me that hard?"

"Eventually. Leaving one's comfort zone is a large part of any therapy. But I'm hoping you'll have made sufficient progress before that big push comes."

Claire nodded. There was a lot to consider, too much to do so right now. "Can I think about it?"

"Of course. If I might take the liberty, I'll schedule you for tomorrow afternoon. If you happen to decide I'm not the right man for the job, just have your father call me and cancel it. Would that be all right for you?"

"Yes, actually. Thank you."

"And I'm going to get in touch with your doctor to get a copy of your evaluations, so I have a better clinical idea of the situation. If you choose another therapist I'll be sure they get them."

"All right."

"It was nice to finally meet you properly, Ms. Farron. May I shake you hand?"

Claire watched him reach for her and reciprocated, a little blossom of pride in her stomach at his impressed expression at her grip. She would watch him leave and let out a sigh of relief. The tension in the house lessened, completely dissolved when Serah returned from her walk.

"Everything turn out okay?" she asked when she saw Claire was still at the table as she shut the front door.

"Yeah." her sister nodded. "Just thinking."

"Caius is all right." she started casually. "I don't know him that well, personally, but I do know he takes his job very seriously."

"Do you think he's what I need?"

"Well, my opinion is kind of biased, but I think he's definitely one of your best choices. You would be hard pressed to find another therapist with his credentials." Serah came into the kitchen and sat across from her sister. "What do you think?"

"I don't know yet." Claire shook her head. "I guess I've got a lot to consider."

"True." she nodded. "Maybe you should call Yun...ask her."

It was not amiss on Claire the change in her sister's tone; the pitch of her voice that was supposed to make her think that latter thought came out of nowhere. She wasn't born yesterday.

"She would just tell me to do what I thought was best. Like you and dad do."

"Still, it wouldn't hurt you. You guys haven't said a word to each other in like -what- three weeks?"

Claire shrank a little in her seat. "Something like that."

"I know how you feel about it, and it's understandable, but," she took a second to gather the right words, "when communication stops, that's when a relationship really suffers."

She looked up at Serah, meeting her sympathetic gaze momentarily before dropping her eyes again. "I don't think she wants to talk to me."

"I'll bet money that she does."

Claire knew that particular phrase was sequestered for absolute certainties as far as her sister was concerned. "So you've talked to her recently?"

"Someone has to keep her up to date." she responded honestly. "I think it would do you both some real good."

Claire thought about it, face scrunching with uncertainty. It was a high-risk, high-reward situation for sure. She could call Yun only to get nothing, or worse, have her girlfriend pick up and tell her she never wants to see her again. That she's a monster and wants her out of her life forever. Claire knew she wouldn't be able to handle that. Not now, not ever.

"I'll think about it." Then Claire stood up, disappearing into the hallway to shut herself up in her room for a while. To think.

_(II)_

"Mr. Palazzo, please calm down, I can't understand you." Yun tried her best as she heard the man's voice carrying frantically over the line. It was almost midnight and the detective was tired, half asleep on Rinoa's couch, but that didn't stop the phone call. "One word at a time please, sir."

Several panting breaths traveled the connection. _"It's _gone,_ detective! It's gone! Someone broke in and took it!_"

"What's gone, sir?"

His voice dropped to an equally excited whisper. _"The portrait I showed you. The one in my studio."_

"That would be that large one, yeah? Okay," she nodded to herself. "Have you told the night watchman?"

_"Yes, but that man's a buffoon if I have ever seen one."_ Mr. Palazzo hissed. _"_Please_, detective, I need you here as soon as possible!"_

"Sir, there won't be any more I could do that the cops already on the scene can't. I will be there first thing in the morning to look things over myself. All right?"

_"Detective,"_

"Trust the police, sir, they know what they're doing. I will see you in the morning."

_"But _detective_!"_

"Nine hours, Mr. Palazzo. I will be at your door in nine hours." she clenched her jaw. "Goodnight, sir." and then hung up, grumbling. "Gods have mercy."

There was a yawn from the other side of the room, making Yun lift her head.

"Were you on the _phone_?" Rinoa stretched in the shadows, mouth still wide with a second yawn. "Who was it?"

"There was a break-in at Palazzo's place. Painting was stolen."

"Oh, how terrible." surely she meant what she was slurring, but it didn't sound like it. "Is he expecting us to go there _now_?"

"Sure is, but shields are already on the scene taking care of things. Told him we'd be there first thing in the morning."

"Oh good. I'm going back to bed then."

"Same here. G'night, round-eye."

"Night, Injun Joe."

If Yun were more awake she would've been able to properly appreciate the gentle counter attack, but that was not the case. She put her head back down on the pillow with her hands above her head, resuming her sleeping position with her cell lying on the arm of the sofa. It took her maybe five minutes to fall back into the first superficial stages of sleep. Fifteen minutes more and she was snoring.

Then the phone buzzed again.

The vibration was enough to send the device sliding down the arms and onto her pillow, waking her with a grumble. Gods, it was after midnight, what were people still doing up at this hour?!

"Hello?"

Several seconds passed without a response. Nothing was coming over the line.

"_Hello_?" she repeated, a little agitation showing. She didn't like the idea of having been woken up by someone's careless butt-dial.

Then _"...Hey."_

Yun was now wide awake, eyes open. Her heart clenched. "Sunshine? That you?"

_"Yeah."_ was the almost cautionary response. _"Is it a bad time?"_

"'Course not. I've always got time for you. Is something wrong?"

_"No...I mean...no more than usual I guess. I just,"_ she took a calming breath, _"I didn't think I would have the guts to call you later."_

"It's fine, darlin', really. Did ya get any of the messages I sent you?"

_"Yeah. And, uh...thanks for the photograph. It was really thoughtful of you."_ right now she was laying on her bed in the guest room, the photo face down on her chest beneath her palm as she looked up to the ceiling.

"Well...call me selfish but...just didn't want you to forget about me. About us."

A little laugh. _"Couldn't do that if I tried."_

"Good to know." Yun nodded to herself, relieved. "So...Jack called me last week, sayin' you went to the hospital."

_"You heard about that,"_ her voice trailed off, tone suggesting embarrassment, _"I'm okay. But...that was something else I wanted to talk about. That and..."_ the pause was a long, heavy one, _"I want..._need_ to apologize."_

"What for?" it was more a reflex than an honest inquiry. She knew damn good and well, maybe she was still in the habit of covering it up.

_"You know. I think...did I break your nose?"_

Yun felt her heart clench. "The bruise is almost gone. 'Sides, I've had a lot worse."

_"That's not the point. Don't try to shrug it off. You deserved better than that from me, and I am...I'm _so sorry._"_ Claire's voice wavered along the last words, her throat tightening. _"I'm sorry for everything."_

"Oh, sweetheart," her breath hitched, "don't cry, baby, you're likely to get me goin'."

There was a sniffle over the line, Claire clearing her throat. _"I...I never meant to hurt you...to get so angry...but...it wasn't like I tried to really control my temper."_

"We can share some of that guilt, Claire, to be fair. Maybe you weren't doin' everything you could to help yourself, but I wasn't helpin' you either. I...Serah says I've been too gentle with you, I wasn't givin' you the help ya needed. I've had time to think that through and I realized she's right. I guess I was babyin' ya. But...it's hard for me not to...you're my world. I wouldn't do anything to put that at risk."

_"A different kind of alcoholic."_

Yun felt a shudder charge through her, her entire body tensing. Sweet gods have mercy, maybe she was on to something.

"When ya put it like that...maybe we're both a little sick...yeah. We're both guilty, we've both got some loose screws...we've both got some growin' to do. Hope you can forgive me for lettin' you down."

_"You didn't."_ Claire said quickly. _"I never asked you to help."_

That was untrue, Yun thought a moment. She remembered those desperate cries from years ago, begging for her help as police officers carried her away. Still hurt her soul to this day.

_"But...I, uh,"_ Claire seemed to fight with her words, _"I'm asking now. The hospital gave me medicine to take to help me sleep and...manage my temper. It's doing okay so far, I guess."_

"You don't say? That's good to hear."

_"And...I'm going to see a therapist tomorrow. I guess he'll help me with the other things. I don't know. But...I want to get better."_

Yun smiled to herself. "You don't know how happy I am to hear you say that, love. I'm proud of ya."

There wasn't an immediate reply, but Yun could almost sense that Claire was smiling too. _"...Could I ask you something?"_

"What is it, darlin'?"

_"Could I...maybe...when it's okay with you,"_ Her throat tightened again, tears threatening,_ "...could I come back home?"_

Yun felt her eyes burning now as she pressed her the thumb and finger of her free hand into them. "Of course you can, love." though as far as she was concerned, it was still _her_ home too. "Hell, I'll come get you myself, even hitch up the bike just for you. All you gotta do is call. Anytime."

_"Thanks."_ she said after clearing her throat again. _"I miss you."_

"Me too, baby, me too. My arms are achin' like an empty stomach without you. Speakin' of stomach, I suck down so much junk food now." she shook her head. "Ya see? I'm a hot mess without you, can't even be trusted to feed myself properly."

_"You're ridiculous."_ Claire almost laughed. _"But...I guess you have to work in the morning...you need your sleep."_

"You're right." she said with evident reluctance. "But I don't wanna say goodbye." She didn't want to hang up. She'd rather listen to Claire read from the phone book all night.

_"Me neither, but...you know."_

"Yeah, yeah, I know. We both got obligations, I get it." Yun rolled her eyes a little. "Hey, sunshine?"

_"Hm?"_

"You know I love ya, right?"

_"I do."_

"Well then you shouldn't take it the wrong way when I say don't hurry to come home, yeah? You take the time you need, don't rush it. I want you to get better for _your_ sake, nothin' else, you got it?"

_"...Yeah, I'll try."_

"And don't be a stranger, eh? You know you can call me any time...even if it's just to hear my sexy phone voice."

This time there was a quiet giggle, one Yun almost missed. _"Okay, I'll try. I love you, Yun."_

"Love you too, Claire. G'night."

_"Goodnight."_

Yun felt her heart lurch when she heard a little click, the signal lost from the other end. It was only then she could find it in her to hang up too, which she did with a quiet shrug. While she hated that it had to end, that little talk took a lot off her shoulders.

_Don't give up hope, she's gotta do what she's gotta do, just like you. In the mean time, grow the fuck up. Get your big girl pants on and remind yourself you can be alone and not cry like a little pissant baby. You gotta be the strong one right now. She can't handle the weight anymore. You gotta do it for her. For now. She'll get strong again, count on it._

She put her cell back where it was originally resting, on the arm of the sofa, and rolled onto her side. She slept easier that night than she had in weeks.

Author's Note: So yeah, that turned out all right, though it felt a little hodge-podge in the making. The chapters from here on out are going to be constructed a lot like this one, most likely, as I'll try and focus more on Claire's therapy sessions than the murder case. Mostly because one has a much greater amount of material than the other. I'd like to balance it out to where the two plot points resolve around the same time as far as the actually writing goes. We'll see how that turns out. As always, thanks everyone for reading. And even though I don't always reply, I read every review I get and am eternally grateful for them.


	11. Chapter 11

**For I Have Sinned**

**Chapter Eleven**

Claire had all the confidence in the world, at least she felt that way. From the moment she woke up she felt ready, she felt _good_, she was _eager_ to go to her first appointment with Dr. Ballad. When her father showed up in the afternoon to take her to his office, she seemed the happiest she had been in weeks. She was _smiling_.

_I'm ready. I'm going to get better, then I'm going to go home._

The late night conversation with Yun had given her hope, given her courage. She now had a goal to focus on and all she had to do was reach it. That idea alone was cause for her optimism. And it would prove insufficient. The closer they came to Dr. Ballad's office, the more the weight of the situation settled on her shoulders.

She was going to tell a near-total stranger all of her dirty little secrets, all of her fears, confess all of her egregious sins. Claire would have to relive it all and hope Dr. Ballad could help her. She would have to trust him exclusively in spite of every instinct telling her she couldn't. The concept was paralyzing.

"You're going to be okay, honey." Jack assured her after putting his jeep in park, leaving the engine running. "All you have to do is talk."

Claire looked at him, seeming sullen. They had been over this before; talking wasn't her strong suit, and she certainly didn't have much faith in the practice. Still...that needed to change. _She _needed to change. She took a breath and unfastened her seat belt. "I think I'm scheduled until five."

"That's fine. I'll run a few little errands and be back to pick you up." Jack nodded, watching her slide out of the passenger seat. "I love you, sweetie."

"Love you too, dad." and she started along the paved walkway to the office entrance, disappeared behind a tinted glass door.

There weren't any other patients in the waiting room when Claire came inside, it was a little disheartening to think herself the only one. No one want's to be sick by themselves, right? Swallowing the discomfort she went to the reception desk to sign in. The woman that greeted her seemed pleasant enough.

"Farron at three, you said?"

Claire only nodded.

"I'll just let him know you're here, and he'll be with you shortly."

Claire nodded again with a quiet "thanks" and turned way to sit in one of the numerous empty chairs that lined the walls. The wait wasn't long at all, not even a half hour. Dr. Ballad would slip into the waiting room from the open corridor behind the desk and usher her in, smiling and greeting her with a gentle handshake.

His office would remind Claire very much of Serah's with its numerous full bookcases, its chaise style couch, the heavy wooden desk. But it was so bright, plentiful afternoon sunshine coming in through the great bay windows that lined the wall farthest from her. On the other side of the glass was what appeared to be a small public park, even now people walked their dogs across the lush green grass, their forms reflected in a still pond at the foot of the hill the building perched on.

"Please sit." Caius showed her to one of a pair of cushioned chairs in front of his desk. "Glad you decided to come."

"Sure." was her uncertain response. "Can they see us?" And she pointed to the glass.

"No, two way glass. It's nice to have the natural light and keep the privacy." he explained. "How are you?"

"Okay, I guess."

"Still uncomfortable?"

"A little." she shifted in the seat as she folded her arms.

"Do you like animals?"

"Yes, actually."

"Cats?"

"My sister has one." Claire nodded, a small smile with it.

Dr. Ballad smirked as well, reaching down into what had to be his desk drawer, pulling up a plush pile of long silver hair. It was an enormous animal and he needed both hands to manage its weight. He walked around the desk with the cat against his chest to stand beside the chair.

"Terminus helps keep my patients relaxed. Here, you can hold him."

Brows up Claire held out her arms where the animals was deposited. He was on his back, paws tucked, and bright green eyes peeked through thick tresses of fur. He didn't seem bothered by a stranger holding him, in fact he settled right in and curled up as Claire set him in her lap. Almost out of reflex she began to stroke his side, purrs vibrating smoothly beneath her hand.

"That better?"

"Actually...yeah, it is." Claire nodded, quietly surprised.

"Good." Dr. Ballad was back in his chair. "Before we get started I'm legally obligated to tell you I will be recording our sessions. They are exclusively for my study, and as far as outside of this office is concerned, they don't exist. You are, of course, free to rescind permission for me to do so."

Claire's brow furrowed and she was quiet a moment, thinking as she continued to pet the cat. "The doctor I saw about my insomnia talked about all the legal stuff too."

"Clearly he was not a _professional_. Everything that happens in here will stay in here, my ability to practice depends on it. Perhaps some are willing to risk that for fifteen minutes of fame, but I don't include myself in that remark."

"Why should I believe you?"

"I can't give you the answers you want to hear, you're just going to have to trust me. Give me a chance to prove I _am_ a professional."

Fair enough, she thought. At least he wasn't trying to blow smoke up her ass. In the end she nodded, relenting to his reasoning as well as offering her consent to do his work his way.

There was a device on his desk no bigger than an unfolded flip-cellphone with a selection of buttons on his side. He pressed the red one and started to speak. "So, tell me about yourself? What are some of the things you like to do?" he then eased back in his chair, hands folded against his stomach, comfortable.

"Well...I don't know how much my dad has told you...or my sister,"

"Act like they haven't told me anything at all. I want to get to know you in your own words."

"Oh, okay." she swallowed, feeling a little on the spot. "Um...I like to draw. I'm majoring in art at West Eden. That and mechanics. I like to fix things."

"What kind of things do you like to draw?"

"Whatever. I guess it depends on what mood I'm in." it seemed like she was more so talking to the cat than to him. In any case, she appeared at ease, which was the most important thing.

"What do you find yourself drawing most often?"

"In the beginning...when I was starting to get good, I guess...I like landscapes. I have a few sketches of the botanical gardens at Kain University."

"I would love for you to bring some for me to look at. Not immediately, but when you're comfortable." his interest appeared to be genuine. Claire had to wonder, with a mild amazement, what he would be able to learn about her just by looking at her work. "Do you draw or paint very often?"

"Not really, just when I feel like it."

"When you're angry or upset in any way?"

"Yeah." She looked down at the cat, her brow furrowed gently. "It kind of helps, I guess."

"Would you say the relief is long or short term?"

"I don't know." she shook her head. "Sometimes it doesn't help at all."

"What then? Do you have any other hobbies?"

"I write poetry...it's not very good, but I try." she almost laughed.

"Do you have a favorite poet?"

"I like several, but not any one in particular."

"What about a favorite poem?"

She thought a moment, her head tipped back, even her hand on Terminus' side stilled. "I can't think of it right now."

"That's all right. Maybe another time." Caius dipped his chin, assuring. "Any other talents?"

"I like to cook. My family says I'm a natural at it." She continued, a mild timidity still in her voice. "It's actually soothing."

"My wife says the same thing. You saw her in the office."

"Oh?" rosy brows lifted. She had initially thought the girl at the desk a little young. Maybe she was just youthful. "How long?"

"Nearly ten years...I think." He frowned a little, seemingly shocked with his own forgetfulness. "Dear me." and he shook his head.

"What's it like?" Claire asked, feeling a little more confident now.

"Pardon?"

"Being married, what's it like?"

"Oh, um, well," he had to think a moment, the question sort of a surprise, "are you in a relationship currently?"

"Yeah."

"Are the two of you happy?"

"Well..." she thought again, "we're separated right now, so I think it's safe to say we're not." sadness graced the setting of her eyes as they drifted low and away. "But...we were."

"May I ask what changed?"

"This." and she seemed to gesture to herself. "Everything. But you haven't answered _my_ question."

"Touche`." Caius chuckled. "Marriage just suits some people, it certainly suits _me_. It's quite wonderful, but on the same hand hard to explain. But I've often thought that understanding something like marriage enough to explain it takes away some of the magic -so to speak. Yeul and I are content, still best friends even though it would appear that the status of our relationship has changed." he paused, smirking. "And I can tell by the look on your face that I've lost you a little."

"To be honest, that sort of thing isn't my strong suit."

"So you could say you're not well in tune with your feelings?"

"Maybe. I don't know...I guess I just don't..._get_ them."

"That's nothing to be ashamed of. Thousands of people are just like you."

"But not all of them end up in your office, do they?"

"No, though some of them probably should." he tilted his head a moment. "However, let's hope that circumstance changes the further along we get. So tell me how you and your significant other met."

"She hit me with her car."

"I beg your pardon?" his eyes bulged, unblinking.

Claire couldn't help but laugh. "She backed into me."

"How on earth did that come about?"

Claire took a stabilizing breath. "It's kind of a long story."

"We've got more than an hour, Ms. Farron. So long as you're comfortable enough to talk about it, I'll listen."

"Thanks." she was surprised to say. She never imagined being grateful knowing someone was willing to hear anything about _that_. "First though, I have to ask. _Have_ you heard of me?"

"Yes." no hesitation, as he knew well what she was really asking. Not if Jack had ever mentioned her, or Serah brought her up in passing. She wanted to know if he read the newspapers like the rest of Eden did. Had he ever seen her black and white picture beneath bold print headlines. "I know who you used to be."

"Who I _am_, doctor." she corrected. "Who I've been trying to change."

"Do you still identify as that person?"

"I believe I do." she nodded. "Because I don't know how to be anyone else."

"Are you so sure? From what you've told me so far you're an artist, a mechanic, a cook. That doesn't sound _anything_ like that person on the news."

"But it's still _me_. It's the only me I know."

"If you would like to hear my thoughts on the matter," he paused, waiting for either silent consent or voiced disapproval, "it seems to me you're transitioning between them."

"Them who?"

"The person you were and the person you could be. Naturally, as a human being, you're resistant to change. Albeit that's the most basic way to look at this. There's assuredly more to it which we'll learn as we go. But please continue."

Another deep breath as she tried not to resist his words sinking in. She would tuck it all away to consider later. "It was four...almost five years ago now, I think." she started carefully. "It was after midnight, raining. I was wandering around the neighborhood after being thrown from a car. Not the same one that hit me." she was sure to iterate.

"Who threw you from the car?" it was all part of the method, these questions. He needed as much information as she had available. All of it was a piece of the puzzle.

"I don't remember them. A woman...I think I would know her if I saw her again." Claire shook her head, her eyes averted, looking out the window.

"Why were you with her?"

Hesitation lined her face, her brow knitting. "I can only assume she wanted me dead. I don't know why. Maybe...maybe Cid pissed her off."

"That would be Cid Raines, yes?"

Claire only nodded.

Dr. Ballad mimicked the gesture. "Continue. Try and walk me through that night as best you can." Yes, he could consider it too soon for this conversation, but he wasn't about to stop her. These things had to be allowed to happen sometimes.

She looked at him, eyes unreadable and unwavering. "It was a Saturday. I only knew that at the time because Cid would always take me out on Saturday. It was the night I made him money."

_Be a good girl...win this for me..._

Claire shivered in disgust at the echo of that man's voice in her head, her heart clenching as she held her breath for only a second. "I-uh...I almost died that night. Not in the car...well, in the car _too_, but this was before that. I was good, one of the best, but you wouldn't think so if you saw _that_. Half of my face was smeared along the wall." How that wound hadn't scarred was a small miracle. "Something about the guy was different...more different than I was used to. He played with me, really, could've taken me out at any time. Though that didn't cross my mind then. All I was worried about was disappointing Cid. If that guy hadn't been so egotistical...I wouldn't be talking to you now."

Dr. Ballad simply listened, quiet with a nod of acknowledgment.

"I managed to walk out of there with a few broken ribs, a broken hand," she paused, actually looking down at the once afflicted hand for a moment, "blood all over me. But that wasn't new. What _was_ is that it was _mine_. Anyway...we were ambushed at the van...these two big guys grabbed Cid and started hitting him. I just watched."

"Why?"

Claire shook her head. "I couldn't do anything. I wasn't allowed. Cid had total control over when I could act on my own, but since he was having his face rearranged..."

"I see."

"I was scared to death, now that I think about it. I think about that night a lot, actually." she sounded like she meant to assure herself. "The fear is second only to the pain...after they finished with Cid they grabbed me...dragged me across the lot to their car and put me in the back. I assume so, anyway. I must have blacked out after that because I don't remember much else."

"Were you still afraid when you came to?"

"Terrified...woke up in the middle of the street." she nodded once. "The only place I thought was safe for me was with Cid and I didn't know if he was alive, much less where he was. Where _I_ was."

"Then, I assume, is when you were hit by the car?"

"Yeah. It's okay to laugh about it, I do sometimes." she could see the need to on his face. "Not something you hear every day, is it?"

"No." Caius shook his head. "Rarely do people survive auto collisions, much less enter courtship as a result."

"Rarely does the driver stick around long enough to take care of them."

"Safe to say yours is a very special case." he nodded. "So what happened next?"

"Yun took me home, her sister is a nurse so," she didn't finish the thought aloud. "According to them I slept through the next couple of days."

Caius was astonished, though it didn't show on his face. "I'll be honest, I would love to hear the entire story sometime."

"There isn't much to it. Mostly because I just don't remember."

"Be that as it may, I'm still curious."

"At this rate you might get it...I never expected it to be this easy." and it was the truth. She didn't come here with thoughts of drudging things up, not yet. It started out just as she thought it would, then it transformed into something else. It was kind of frightening.

"I wouldn't get comfortable with that idea. You've made wonderful progress considering it's your first day, but I'm not doing much pushing yet, either."

Claire looked down at the cat again. "Here I thought I was getting good at it." Sarcastic, of course.

"Don't be mistaken, this is great." he leaned onto his desk, fingers still fixed together. "_This_ is what we need in the beginning; comfort and familiarity are the foundation of the entire process. Once you trust me, and I'm acquainted with your issues, we can work together. I just want to be sure that you're aware that we'll have to dig deeper each session -so to speak."

"I understand." she wasn't entirely at ease with the idea, but she had little choice.

"Good." he lounged back again. "Would you like to continue, or would you prefer to talk about something else?"

"Well...what do you want to know?"

"Whatever you're willing to share."

He certainly wasn't making this easy. Maybe she was just too accustomed to be led.

"Why don't you walk me through something positive that you remember?" he suggested.

"But that _was_ positive. I know that sounds strange, but it's true. I was rescued that night."

"Ah, I suppose so. My mistake. Then would you mind telling me more about your relationship with Detective Oerba?"

"I guess not." she directed her attention back to Terminus. The cat had stretched out his incredible body to its extremes, paws pointed and face down. He continued to sleep in that fashion as she pet along his spine. "Though I don't know what else there is to say about it."

"What is it you find attractive about her? I mean, obviously she's quite beautiful."

"Yeah." Claire smirked. "But that isn't what...brought us together. I didn't understand that idea then. But she saved me," her tone was whimsical, a fondness around the edges. "I think...in the beginning I just wanted someone to lead me, tell me the rules like Cid did."

"You needed structure."

Claire nodded, though a hint of uncertainty creased her brow. "It was the only way I knew how to function. Boundaries...they made me feel safe."

"At any point did you see Yun as a surrogate for Cid?"

"I don't know if it ever got that far. The thought might have crossed my mind." she shook her head a little. "She was strong, confident...like Cid was. Yun had authority. It was familiar to me so I guess I just latched onto it."

"How do the two differ in your eyes?" he asked after sufficient pause.

"Cid demanded I behave a particular way. I gave him what he wanted because I was afraid of disobeying him. With Yun...part of it was because I didn't know her...didn't know her expectations for me. It got to the point where I just wanted to please her, I guess." she had to pause again, lines on her face deepening as she searched for the right words.

"If I may," Dr. Ballad interrupted gently, "am I to understand Cid Raines kept you rather...how to say it carefully...simple?"

"Yes." no hesitation, no further explanation.

"So, it really was a master-servant relationship?"

"I was his dog."

The doctor's eyes widened without another word.

"I wasn't allowed to read, to write, to go outside without his permission. I couldn't show pain in his presence. I wasn't even allowed to speak to him. He was in total control, and I was cut off from everything _except_ him." the testament was punctuated, level, almost as if she didn't feel anything in regards to saying so. Maybe she couldn't allow herself to feel in fear of it simply being too much to bear.

"I see, forgive my ignorant question."

"It's fine. Still, I saw Yun as someone to be respected, though not quite the same way as Cid. _He_ would reward my good behavior by not punishing me. And Yun...she gave me praise and encouragement."

"How did your relationship change -more so, mature?"

Claire looked at him, brows raised with a mild surprise. "Suddenly." was her initial answer. "Kind of like I did, I guess. Once I got away from Cid, it took a while, but it was like waking up. Just like that everything became complicated...but beautiful." and she smiled, remembering. "Yun initiated it. I didn't know what to think about it at first, but I consider it now and maybe I understood it more subconsciously." Her thoughts wandered, focusing on a whiskey flavored kiss on the couch.

"How so?"

"My feelings started changing...or more like I was rediscovering them, I guess. I worried about her, anxious whenever she was at work. And when she was home I just wanted to be with her. She would treat me differently, more like an equal. We would go out and do things, just the two of us, just like friends do. It made me feel good, like I was somebody."

"Like a human being?"

"_Yes_. Do you know what that's like?" her eyes found his and held them. "Can you imagine how it felt when I realized I wasn't a dog?"

"Cid had fully convinced you that you were an animal?"

"Yes." she repeated.

He shook his head, amazed. "So how _did_ it feel?"

"I had never been so confused in my life. At the time, I had forgotten confusion even had a name." she answered honestly. "That was when I began to question my life up to that point. I was finally aware enough to do so."

Caius couldn't believe some of what he was hearing. How could anyone manage to force another human being to completely lose touch with emotions? It was unthinkable. Claire was turning out to be unlike any patient he had ever treated.

Dr. Ballad was about to speak when the alarm on his wristwatch sounded off on the hour. The session was over.

"Ms. Farron, you're welcome to stay longer if you would like. I don't mind."

"Thanks, but no thanks." she responded quickly. Claire was feeling somewhat good, but near her limits. She was getting tired of all this sharing. "Nothing against you, doctor, but I'm done for the day."

"Fair enough. Again, you made wonderful progress. Though I was wondering if you would be comfortable with me talking to your sister. I have questions that she would be able to answer, and theories I would like a second opinion about."

"Well...if it helps you do your job, I don't see why not. I want you to do the best you can."

"I appreciate the consideration. Would you like me to see you out?"

"I'm fine, but you can take this." and she lifted the cat from her lap, Terminus going limp in her hands like a rag doll.

The good doctor switched off the recorder on his desk before standing, coming around to gather up his pet a deposit the animal back in his drawer. "I will see you tomorrow then, same time?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

"If anything comes up, just have Jack call me."

"Okay. Goodbye."

Claire would leave the office feeling better than when she had arrived, though still anxious in a way. She had opened up about some deep _shit_, and it had come with surprising ease. Once she started talking she couldn't make herself stop. It just happened. How in the hell...?

"Everything okay, darling?" Jack asked as she pulled herself into the seat.

Claire only nodded as she pulled the seat belt across her chest.

"Serah wants us to come over and have dinner with them. Is that all right with you?"

"Sure."

Jack leaned forward in his seat, feigning an adjustment as he tried to read his daughter's face. He smiled after a moment. "I see you met Terminus."

"Huh?" Claire followed his eyes and saw that her shorts and shirt were speckled in patches of silver fur. "Oh." she brushed her hand down her front, making no noticeable progress in getting it off.

"Did he help at all?"

"Yeah, actually. I think it went...all right. Still don't know how talking is going to change much, though."

His smile got a little bigger. "Maybe not now, but you're just getting started. Give it time."

Author's Note: Oh god, dialogue binge! Hopefully I won't make a habit of this form of cop-out, but there's a good chance this won't be the last time. Claire has a long way to go yet, and I have some more thinking to do. I've got a lot of thinking to do in general. Speaking of which, comment if you like to let me know what YOU think Claire and and the good doctor should discuss in the future. Hope to see you next chapter, and as always, thanks for all the support. And thanks to Cormag Ravenstaff for the laugh.


	12. Chapter 12

**For I Have Sinned**

**Chapter Twelve**

_(A majority of this chapter, if not its entirety, will consist of Claire's therapy sessions. Be wary, and enjoy.)_

The first week went better than Dr. Ballad could've hoped, certainly much better than he was expecting. His initial impression of Claire had be heavy handed, leaning towards anti-social and severely introverted. Not that he was wrong, but he was off as far as the fine points, which was no surprise considering how brief their first meeting had been. Now that he had ample opportunity to _know_ her and to begin to understand, his opinion was drastically changed. True, she was still anti-social and introverted, but it wasn't all that simple. There were reasons that he was now aware of, and he had theories to collaborate with inside information in the form of Serah Villiers. He consciously and unconsciously put pieces together, consolidating ideas in just such a way as he composed an outline for the direction the next few sessions would take.

It wasn't quite time for him to make a big push yet, but that would come soon enough. For now, better to just let them go as they had, naturally, without undue pressure. A little push here and there was doing well so far, so he would stick to it.

Terminus would come creeping out of his drawer when Claire showed up for her usual three o'clock appointment. Her greeting to Dr. Ballad was noticeably warm, like she was actually happy to be there, and she extended similar treatment to the rag doll feline as he jumped into her lap.

"It's nice to see you in such good spirits, Ms. Farron." Caius mentioned as he settled into his chair.

"Been a good week, I guess." her attention was on Terminus as she responded, the cat rubbing his face against hers.

Caius nodded, getting the recorder out and switching it on. "What is a good week for you?"

"Sleeping through the night, keeping myself together, you know...normal people stuff."

Putting it that way gave him pause, a dose of realization. So he nodded. "Do you think us working together has helped at all?"

"Maybe." she admitted, still having yet to look at him. "Then again, Serah's often told me I'm a pessimist."

"Why do you think that is?"

"Because I don't have expectations most of the time."

"That's not necessarily a bad thing," he lounged back, "you spare yourself the repercussions of disappointment."

"I guess." she see-sawed her shoulders, a quirk in her mouth. Finally she looked at him. "What did you want to talk about today?"

"Well, I'll go ahead and let you know that I'm going to get a little harder on you starting this week. I'm going to be asking more specific questions, actively searching for your triggers and trouble areas. Do you understand?"

"I do."

"Naturally I won't be throwing you into it right away, we'll take it steadily as we have so far, I just wanted to make sure you're aware that we'll be taking it a step further from now on."

"Okay." Claire had an air of confidence he wasn't expecting.

"With that being said, I would like to continue exploring how you formed relationships with your family and girlfriend. I know we've nearly exhausted the subject, but I still have some curiosity for it."

"In what way?"

One of the first things one learns to become a behaviorist is to focus on how children form relationships, which has a significant bearing on how they do so as adults. But seeing as Claire's childhood was _so_ atypical, he needed what information he could get now. "Such as the early stages of your..._waking up_, as you so aptly put it. Was there a conscious process to it that you could describe to me?"

"I wouldn't say that." she shook her head. "I was too simple then. It just came together by what I saw. I watched them a lot...that's how I learn, you know?" And it remained true to this day. If she could see it, visually study something, she could retain it with next to no trouble. "But I watched how they worked together...how they treated each other...learned their habits. Putting it like that makes it a little creepy, doesn't it?" she laughed a little.

"Not at all. You've mentioned before that you were afraid and -in a sense- stranded, surrounded by strangers you couldn't communicate with. Anyone in your position, regardless of their mental capacity, would've likely done the same thing. It's a natural instinct to gather information to best evaluate one's situation."

Claire nodded, but with the slightest twinge to her brow as if she might have missed some of what he said. "But...everyone had their place, if that makes any sense. Snow, Serah, and Yun were at the top," she gestured with her hands, palm down with fingers level with her shoulder, "Yun's sister and her boyfriend were next...and then there was me. I came after the cat."

Caius almost smirked, though he restrained himself at the risk of seeming rude. "Did they treat you accordingly?"

"No, they were good to me. I mean, in the beginning it seemed like they were treating me like a kid -now that I look back on it I understand. I kind of was. But, eventually, I was part of the family."

"Eventually, meaning, when you began speaking?" Caius thought to Serah's various instances of input over the past few days when he had spoke to her. It was just another thing he was curious about and wanted a first-hand perspective of.

"I think so, yeah. It was the common ground I think they were all looking for." then she smiled a little, her hand falling on Terminus' head. "Yun would sit and talk with me a lot. I guess that's what made our bond...different. I mean, _everyone_ in the house would talk to me, even if I wouldn't, but Yun would actually seek me out...I could've been trying to hide and she would always find me and just..._talk._"

"She cared about you."

"Sure." she responded, fond of the memory she was considering. "Yun probably felt responsible for me, seeing as she found me and I didn't have anyone else. Not at the time. Still...she gave me the attention I didn't realize I wanted."

"So," he paused a moment, thinking, "Cid wasn't very attentive?"

"Attentive isn't the word I would use." the fondness left her features instantly, her expression now unreadable. "In the beginning he would spend hours at a time with me..._training_ me...but it got to the point where I could go through the motions on my own. After that I would only see him maybe two times a day...when he fed me."

"So you were completely dependent on him?"

"Yes." a curt nod followed the answer. "I had a bed, if you could call it that -it was just a blanket on concrete, truthfully- I had a toilet, a sink...the essentials. I was kept clean...clothed until what I was wearing was too small or too stained or too tattered. In a way it wasn't any different from anyone else."

"But in other ways it was, many ways."

"I guess." She looked down into her lap, Terminus having grabbed her hand and now held it as he tried to nap.

"I didn't mean to sidetrack you, Ms. Farron." he apologized, though it was only half true.

"It's all right, you're curious." she said plainly. "Anything else you want to know about that?"

"We'll get to it in time, but back the previous subject. When did you realize that you loved Yun, how did it feel?"

"It was weird in the beginning." she didn't need but half a second to answer. "I didn't really understand it -how could I? Well, I mean," now she paused, trying to find the words.

"You understood that you had feelings for her, you just didn't know what to call them, maybe?"

"I can't be sure. I knew what love was...just not that kind."

"Cid hadn't given you the opportunity to let your emotions mature?"

"No. You're right." she nodded slowly, her response cautionary. Her brow knitted and she spoke softly with some awe, "I was growing up so fast."

"You're emotions were finally catching up with the rest of you."

"Maybe. In any case...I don't think I realized I loved her until after Cid was sent to prison. I was...suspicious in a way, for some time before that, but...maybe knowing he couldn't...it let me focus on other things."

"Did the realization make you happy?"

"I was scared." Claire shook her head. "I can't read people very well so I had no idea what was going through her mind, what she felt about me. We had kissed a few times, but I guess that wasn't plain enough for me." she laughed a little, a puff of air coupled with a smirk. "Turns out we were thinking the same thing. I was happy then, once I knew for certain."

Caius nodded, a pleased and easy smile on his mouth. "Would you say you form relationships easily?"

"No." decisive, certain. "I dare say it's all but impossible."

"Do you have any friends outside of those you identify as your family?"

"Not really." she thought briefly about Kah, the jury still out as to whether or not she counted him as a friend. Ask him, and one would surely get a resounding yes. "I had a couple of acquaintances in school, but we lost touch after Yun and I had to move." and it hadn't been because she wanted to. She had to.

Caius nodded again. "What was it like to learn Serah was your sister? You had lived with her for a few months beforehand, I'm to understand."

Claire's head tipped back against the chair and she looked up at the ceiling. "I wasn't alone anymore. I had a family. Cid had convinced me that he was the only person in the world that gave a damn. But...he was wrong about a lot of things."

"Clearly." Dr. Ballad agreed.

"Of course I was shocked when she finally told me." she continued. "And I was happy once the idea really sank in."

"What about Jack?"

Her head came forward, leveled, and she looked down into her lap again. She pulled her hand free from Terminus' paws so she could stroke his plush side. The animal vocalized his displeasure. "I imagine it's like meeting your future in-laws the first time. At least from what I've heard."

His eyes widened and he paused, thinking. Meeting Yeul's parents had been quite trying, though they turned out to be sweet people. But he could imagine the same questions going through Claire's mind as did his own. What would they think? Am I not what they expect? Will they hate me? It made perfect sense.

"Stressful, to say the least."

She nodded. "I was worried he wouldn't recognize me, I even had a dream the night before meeting him that he didn't. But it worked out. I'm really lucky." The little smile left her face as she saw Dr. Ballad's expression morph from interest to apprehension.

"How did it feel to learn about your mother?"

It was obvious that the question caught her off guard. Once the words left his mouth Claire felt like she should have expected it. She blamed that for having to take so long before answering.

"Serah told me." Claire began, hesitant as the words were still forming. "I know I'm_ supposed_ to be sad. I should feel pain because she's gone but...I can't. I don't remember her. The only reason I know what she looks like is because of photographs." and she seemed troubled to admit this. This absence in her mind of the woman who brought her into this world felt in some ways unnatural. Claire found herself thinking back to the afternoon Serah showed her where Rachel was buried. Even now she had the feeling her sister had expected something to happen, some profound awakening of Claire's spirit perhaps. As if the presence of her mother's remains would stir something supernatural in her. But no such thing occurred. And still she hadn't the slightest idea what she was supposed to take away from the experience.

"Have you ever felt responsible for her death?"

"No. I had no control over that. She had the ability to choose, and while my absence played a part, I don't hold myself responsible."

Again Caius found himself amazed. She sounded so mature, so together. Just like that she had shut her feelings down and distanced herself from the idea while still answering his question. "Have you ever sensed your family members blaming you?"

"Never." she shook her head, then took a breath. "But I would like to remember her again, if that's possible." and she looked at him with a reserved hope. Gently beckoning.

"We can certainly try, but not today. I'd like for us to get further along yet. Do you feel like restoring your memory of her will help resolve some of your issues?"

"I don't know. But...a picture looks better when it's whole. It's easier to understand when it's finished_._ I guess a part of me just feels...incomplete."

"May I assume that Cid is a key element to that notion?" it was more rhetorical, though it didn't surprise him when she nodded. "You feel he took away or withheld important pieces of our life?"

"Yes."

"I would like to know how he managed that. Could you explain it to me?"

Claire took a deep breath, Terminus stirring in her lap to change his position. "He just...he took everything away. I think I was nine years old...that's what dad and Serah told me. When Cid first tried..._changing my mind_... he kept feeding me the story that he found me on the street, and I remember telling him...I called him a stupid fucking liar to his face. Nine years old and I was saying things like that." she shook her head, amazed at herself. "And he wouldn't use my name, he gave me a new one."

"Which was?"

"Lightning. Good name for a dog, isn't it?" her small laugh was sarcastic. "But I kept denying it. It never occurred to me what he was trying to do, even after he started keeping food from me. He wouldn't let me eat until I started answering to that name...calling him master. That was before he stopped allowing me to speak to him. He wanted to adjust my behavior first, get me used to _my place_."

"Describe it to me." he encouraged.

"A room made of concrete. No windows, one light in the ceiling that he controlled. After he had been training me for a while -couldn't tell you how long- he had the crate built."

"The crate?"

"It was a cage. It was my home. He controlled when it opened and closed, when I would wake up and when I would go to bed. You could say I snapped-to pretty fast, mostly because I didn't feel like getting my head kicked in every day." She had lost a lot of baby teeth to her defiance and Cid's quick hand.

"Cid would discipline you?"

"What _else_ would you do with a disobedient dog?" she countered gently. "Though sometimes I think he did it just to prepare me for what was coming. Get me used to the pain of being hit."

"When did that start?"

"Once he had me housebroken." her eyes thinned, maybe disgusted with the term she picked. "I mean...once he was confident he had control. I was dependent, I answered when he called, so I guess that was enough for him. I was maybe ten by then. But it didn't start with the fighting, no, he had to be sure I could live through it first."

"What was that like?"

"At first I hated it."

"At first?" one dark brow raised.

"I got used to it like anyone would. It was...just a part of my life. Cid would say jump and I...I'd jump." and it was an honest example. He had told her to jump, part of an exercise to strengthen her legs. And she jumped. Again and again, until tears streaked her dirty face and her body trembled with weakness. Until she couldn't stand anymore. "Cid told me to run, so I'd run." Leaving bloodied tracks on the concrete from the broken blisters on her feet. "But I couldn't find it in myself to defy him. After a while I didn't know how to tell him no. I was too afraid or had just forgotten. And that's how it all happened. How my life before was just...washed away. I let it go...and he replaced it with something else."

Caius felt his heart clench. Gods on high how does someone stomach that kind of misery? How could a child ever come out of such circumstances and still function? Claire had found a way, he realized, by learning not to feel. Or so it appeared.

"When did he start teaching you to fight?"

Claire sniffled and cleared her throat, swallowing an unexpected urge to cry. "I think I was a teenager by then." she thought a moment, nodding when she checked the memory. "I'd had the collar for a while."

"I'm sorry to keep interrupting you, but a collar? Cid _actually_ implemented a dog collar?" Caius couldn't restrain the question, though once it was out he wished he had. That was terribly rude of him.

Claire only nodded. "Cid wanted me to be his attack dog, that's the only way I know how to describe it. He used the collar to keep me in check."

"You wouldn't still have it, would you?"

"Threw it into the sea off the beach at Bodhum the day after he was sent to prison." she said with a rather proud nod. She had half expected him to look disappointed, considering his tone in regards to the item. "It couldn't be a part of my life anymore."

"I understand. Again, forgive my poor manners. Please continue."

"There isn't much else to say about it, only that it worked. I don't know how, but it worked. Cid trained me to fight without holding back, to hit as hard as I was physically able every time. And he saw to it that I could hit _hard_. The first man I killed was the one he hired to teach me." and though she didn't say it, part of her was glad. The bastard had deserved it. A hard kick to the chest had ruptured his lungs, and he drowned in his own blood.

"So...were you complacent when the collar was on?"

"Yes. That was another reason I didn't help Cid the night Yun found me. I wasn't allowed. It was against the rules. And by then, his rules were my rules."

"Gods above." he breathed, shaking his head. "Are you all right? Would you like to stop?" Caius watched her rake her scalp with one hand, features tight. He had to ask.

"No, I'm okay." she took another deep breath. "Just...haven't thought about these things in a long time. Prefer it if I didn't have to."

"I don't blame you, but I'm grateful that you would stomach them now. Again you're doing exceedingly well."

"Thanks." she exhaled, again causing Terminus to protest and shift around.

"Would you be open to me pushing a little further?"

"You said you would, so why not?"

"Well, while that's true, I'm willing to put that off until the next session considering what you've given me today with so little encouragement."

"Might as well get it while the getting's good, right?" she might not have the heart to do this later.

"Fair enough." he cleared his throat. He almost hated prying, his heart going out to her. "What was your first fight like?"

Claire took a moment to steel herself, get the words together. "It was kill or be killed, at least it was for me. It was the only choice I had. But my first fight didn't go well. Obviously I didn't lose, but Cid still wasn't happy."

Claire had been sixteen, though unaware of it, and was pitted against a man easily twice her age and almost twice as tall. It was painfully obvious the man outweighed her by a sizable margin. In spite of this, the fight was neck and neck until it ended after nearly five minutes. Claire had earned the victory honestly, able to snap his neck in exchange from a broken nose, two black eyes, and more bruises than she could count. But, as she said, Cid wasn't happy.

"To him...I don't think it was so much that I had to win, but that everyone else had to _lose_."

"It wasn't just about the game, it was about making a statement."

"He wanted everyone to know that he was the best. That it was _his_ game." Claire nodded.

"Now, you say Cid was displeased with you? Did he discipline you?"

She nodded again. "He tossed me around before putting me to bed." _Bad dog, bad dog, bad dog._ "He locked the cage and I didn't see him for a while after that. It could've been days...and I wasn't fed until he came back. By then all I could think about was keeping him happy, so you can imagine how I tried to...double my efforts after that."

"Considering Cid used it as he did, does food hold any negative connotations for you?"

"Oh no. It might not look like it, but I love to eat." and she smiled just a hint.

"Oh yes, a silly question, now that I think about it." and he remembered their first session, discussing her pastimes. "So here's a better one: was there anything positive that you managed to take away from that situation? Anything at all?"

"Sure." she nodded without much thought, her eyes averted, unfocused. "As crazy as it sounds. I'm healthy, strong... I don' know how to quit. I mean, those are good things, right?"

"Of course. But are you grateful to him for instilling those traits?"

"No."

"Do you hate him for it?"

"No." again, without much thought, but much to the good doctor's confusion. "Something else he taught me was how to feel nothing. And that's how I feel about him. I don't hate him...I don't feel sorry for him...I feel...nothing."

"Nothing at all?"

She shook her head. "What would it change? It wasn't worth the effort. Besides, at some point I think I realized that if I wanted a life of my own, he couldn't be a part of it in any way. I had to erase him."

"Just as he tried to erase you, erase _Claire_?"

"I guess."

Caius thought a moment, shifting in his seat. "If given the opportunity, what would you say to him now?"

"I would just...ask him why." She appeared to pout a little, lost in a stray emotion or discomfort. "That's all I've ever really wanted to know. Why me?" And while she knew the reasons behind her abduction, as revealed by Jack some weeks ago, she still didn't quite understand Cid's keeping her alive. Why didn't he just kill her?

Caius nodded slowly, quietly processing her response. Then he looked at his watch. "We have but a few minutes left, if you would prefer, we could continue this tomorrow."

"I think that's a good idea. Thanks, doctor."

"You're welcome."

_(-)_

Tomorrow would come per the usual, Claire coming through his office door right on time, but without the same confidence and ease she had yesterday. Clearly she was bothered.

"I'd ask if you're all right, but I'd imagine that to be a rather foolish question." and while his tone was somewhat neutral, his face was set sympathetically.

"I had trouble getting to sleep last night. I've just been thinking a lot...remembering things."

"Oh?" Dr. Ballad switched on the recorder, the device fumbled in his hands momentarily. "Anything you would like to talk about?"

"Nothing you haven't heard." Claire sat down, putting her hand to Terminus' back as he perched on the arm of the chair.

"Well, it isn't uncommon for memories to surface when discussing related events. But this is actually a good sign. Your mind is being persuaded to dig things up, things you had forgotten were there."

"Does that mean I could still remember my mom?"

"The prospects are looking better." he nodded, hoping to assure her. She seemed pleased with his response. "Was there anything else? Any new stress at home or within the family?"

"What? No, no, I don't think so. We can get started if you want."

"All right. I'm going to give you a push today." and there was no debating it. It wasn't a cautioning to what might be, it was a warning of what was coming.

"Okay."

"If I overstep my boundaries, please let me know. I may not back off, but I need to know where your limits are."

Another nod and a breath. "I'm ready."

"Good. Now, I'm to understand that you escaped Cid twice, correct?" he watched her nod again. "The first time it was unintentional, but not the second I'll assume."

"That's true."

"Tell me about that. Tell me how you came to the conclusion that he could no longer own you and what it felt like. Give me as detailed a picture of the event as you can."

Damn, that was a tall order. Right out of the gate too. She couldn't begin to answer straight away, which didn't seem to surprise Dr. Ballad in the least. But he was patient.

"It was surreal...is that the right word? Like, you knew it was happening but you couldn't quite believe it?"

"Yes, that's right."

"Okay, thank you. But it was surreal," she repeated. "After having lived with Yun and the others for a while I had almost convinced myself Cid was dead. If I had known his name I could have told them and...maybe I wouldn't have had to go back...but that's beside the point."

"How did Cid find you?"

"Yun said he had the police force in his back pocket, I suppose you understand that better than I did at the time. I guess an officer spotted me out and about somewhere and told him about it. I wasn't arrested, at least not by the letter. I had handcuffs put on me and I was put in a cell at the police department. I destroyed it. I was so _angry_." She felt her heart clenching at the memory, how she fought with half a dozen officers from the cruiser that brought her there all the way to cell they locked her in. It clenched at the echoes of her own screams for help, and the flashes of Yun's face as she watched, the hopelessness in her eyes. "That's where he came to get me. And it was strange. I knew... I felt it in my _guts_ that I shouldn't go with him, but just the sight of him took the fight out of me. He called me, and I came."

_Lightning, come._

A little wince.

"Undoing such long term conditioning isn't easy."

"So I learned." she nodded, though her tone was a little indignant. Sometimes she hated it when people stated the obvious. "He put me back in the cage... he put me there and I let him." her brow knitted. "But it didn't feel safe anymore, didn't feel like home. I could finally see the life I was living for what it really was. It made me sick."

"What did you do?"

"I had a lot of time to sit with my anger...my frustration, time to accept them for what they were...that they had resurfaced. But I didn't know how to handle it. I was...Serah calls it destructive." she shook her head. "I probably sound stupid, the way I say these things, but I'm not."

"The thought never crossed my mind. Perhaps just _unfamiliar_. I still understand what you're trying to say."

"Oh." surprise was evident on her face, and for a brief moment it felt like eating crow. "I'm sorry."

"It's quite all right. Please continue."

She cleared her throat, a chance to get the thoughts back together. "I was with him for a week. I fell right back into my usual routine without any trouble, but I think Cid had a feeling things weren't the same anymore. I think he knew...I don't know." there was no way to describe it. "Whatever it was, he didn't believe it."

"What makes you say that?"

"He was so confident." She paused as Terminus stretched beside her and reached into her lap. He did three circles, paws kneading, and then curled up. "He meant for me to fight that weekend, like nothing had happened. Cid never expected me to take advantage of it."

"You waited until he took you out of the cage."

"Exactly. Worst case scenario, he would kill me on the spot. I knew he had no qualms about that. But at the very least, I could run away from him. Once I was outside. But I didn't have the balls to do it until we were already miles from nowhere."

"Farell Municipal Hospital?"

"Yeah."

"I read the article. A lot of arrests were made that night, Cid's included. Though I remember he was promptly hospitalized before he was incarcerated. Your courtesy, I imagine?"

She nodded, showing neither noticeable pride nor shame.

"I would like to know how he came about those injuries."

"I told him no." she began after a bracing breath. "The first thing I had said to him in fifteen years. Give or take. 'No more killing' I said, looking him in the eye. Then he pushed me face-first into the wall and put a gun to my head, reminding me of my place."

"Were you afraid?"

"To die? No. I mean, out of reflex I was scared because Cid was angry, but I wasn't worried about dying. I was faced with the prospect every day, why should that moment have been any different?"

"Fair enough."

"Cid was willing to forgive me." she continued. "Even good dogs make mistakes, you know? But...I didn't want it. I just wanted to be rid of him, whatever that entailed. When I denied him again, he just laid into me...he'd never hit me so hard before." Claire remembered it clearly. "Then Yun came. She was there to save me. Again."

Caius would see, even _feel_ a distinct change in Claire when the detective's name came up. The tension in her shifted, softened, and then her expression morphed into something akin to pain.

"What's wrong?"

"Thinking. I hadn't expected her to come."

"Yun?"

"Yeah. There was no way she could've known where I was -at least as far as I knew- but I thought she didn't care anymore. She had let Cid take me back, and that had made me angry. I thought she had abandoned me."

"I see." he reached into one of the other drawers in his desk and passed forward a box of tissues. Poor girl looked on the verge of tears, a shimmering having started in the corner of her eyes.

Claire took it without argument. "I, uh," she had to swallow, "I had wished she was dead. Deep in my heart, you know? Later I thought myself so immature."

"In a way, I could understand you feeling that way."

"But that doesn't make it right!" she reigned herself back in. "I'm sorry."

"No, no, it's okay. Emoting is part of the process, don't apologize for that."

She thought his response odd, but accepted it anyway. "But...I almost got my wish. Cid _sicked_ me on her."

Caius felt himself tense.

"I almost killed her myself." and that's when the tears came. "I _knew_..._I knew_ she wouldn't fight back. I knew she was my best friend but I _couldn't stop_." Terminus jumped down from her lap as her body started leaning slightly forward, the volume of her voice becoming too much to sleep to. "I hit her _again_ and _again_, I didn't even have to think about it." She put her face in her hands, her body shuddering as she tried sucking down the sobs trying to twist free. "I never wanted to hurt her."

Dr. Ballad had questions, comments, but he kept them to himself. She needed a moment, and she deserved his compassion more than his treatment right now.

Claire physically struggled to control herself, at last taking advantage of the tissues to dry her now puffy eyes. "I broke her jaw and chipped a tooth before I... stopped myself. My body didn't want to, but I managed somehow. I told Cid no again, my fist still clenched and everything. I still don't know how I did it. The collar was off...I shouldn't have been able to."

"What happened next?" he was dying to know, but he was also trying to keep her focused.

"Yun fought with him...I watched. At least I think I did. Sometimes I'm not sure if some of my memories are real or if my head is just trying to fill spaces in...if that makes any sense. But it was strange. It took his authority away. Cid _bled_ in front of me, just like I had countless times before. He wasn't above me anymore, he was my equal. Then he shot Yun... I thought she was dead."

"Is that when you, to put it gently, returned Cid's kindness?"

"When he grabbed the collar, trying to force me to follow him," she paused, thinking back, "I bit him. I bit his hand and I wouldn't let go. And once I started...well," she didn't finish, feeling there was no real need. "It wasn't until it was all over that I really understood what _guilt_ was. I could feel it."

"Would I be too bold to assume that it's an emotion you still struggle with?"

"Not at all. In the beginning...before Yun and I had to move, I was convinced it was at the core of my problems."

"You shouldn't think you were wrong. It just wasn't the entire picture, it seems."

"Maybe."

"There's rarely ever one thing that can be considered a cause for your disorder. Yes, its manifestation can be traced to particular events, particular triggers, but otherwise it can be any number of things." he explained carefully, doing his best not to sound correcting or lecturing. "Have you hurt anyone else since then?"

Claire looked at him, despair lacing her features, eyes wide. An expression that begged how he could possibly have heart enough to ask such a question.

Claire felt that she probably looked a fool gaping at him like that, and pulled the feelings back down. She wiped her eyes again and cleared her throat. "Yeah. Twice."

"Who?" Caius watched her cringe, belying the answer he thought to get.

"Yun." The tears were pushing back up again, and she didn't want them to. Already sick of crying.

Author's Note: Another dialogue binge, I know. I also know it seems like I just chopped it off at the knees, too, but I'm about to get into some deeper stuff which would have just made this chapter longer than I would like. I know YOU folks wouldn't mind that in the least, but I would. As always, thanks for the support and I hope you guys are still enjoying yourselves. And thanks for the feedback to those who offered. Be sure to keep a look out for my notice on the Twenty Questions thing. In case you're new to the idea, once the fic is nearing completion, I'll be collecting questions from you fine folks in the audience to put into a video which I intend to post to youtube. So boil your noodles if you would be so kind. Questions can be about anything, be it about the story or of a more personal nature, but remember that I do it all at my own discretion. Thanks folks, see you next chapter.


	13. Chapter 13

**For I Have Sinned**

**Chapter Thirteen**

_(More intense material ahead.)_

"I thought I had my shit together after so long, you know? Hadn't had an incident in years."

"How did it happen?"

"I had hit a downward spiral by then, I think, felt like my life was spinning out. I was suspicious of everybody thinking I was sick, but I had been wary of almost everyone since Yun and I had to move."

"It sounds like the sudden relocation might have been a trigger for you."

"I agree. I mean," she cleared her throat, "most people mark their lives in birthdays... graduations and weddings. Normal stuff. I do it by the times my life has been turned upside down."

Caius processed her reasoning, finding it quite valid. Cid had extinguished the value of Claire's age in her mind, the days likely to have blended together after sufficient time had passed. Then Yun found her, her mind beginning to reawaken. Cid took her back followed by a second liberation. And then she was forced to leave her new home due to the unforeseen consequences of seeking help. Then an emotional break that sent her to her father's home. Poor girl wasn't too far off the mark after all.

"In spite of what Cid had done to change you, he still gave you a stable living condition. It was secure, consistent."

"Yeah, so change and I don't get along very well. But you said that's natural, it's part of being human."

"Yes, I did, but some of us can be more sensitive to it than others. And the circumstances leading up to it weren't conducive to positive feelings."

"No. That bastard turned on me." she grimaced. "It never crossed my mind that he would find out who I was, this was before my picture ever appeared in the news. Cid plead guilty and there was no trial, so my name never went public. At least...that's what I guessed."

"Though how he came about the information isn't so relevant at this point, is it?"

"I guess not."

"But back to the matter."

"Yeah, I know." though she didn't want to talk about it. Tough it up, she said to herself. It's going to be worth it. "But...I felt like I had no control. Over anything. I didn't feel safe in the apartment after a teacher followed me home. I mean, it wasn't anything bad, not like she was stalking me but,"

"You still felt like the sanctity of your space was violated?"

She nodded, her brow knitting. "I just wanted some of it back. I wanted to feel like it was still _my_ life. Doctor, being married you might be able to understand," she paused to breathe, keeping her emotions in check a little longer. "There's a difference between...you know...making love and having sex. Would you agree?"

"I would." his dark brows see-sawed. He wasn't sure if he was more puzzled by the question or by how serious she was about asking.

"I know this is kind of ridiculous, but just bear with me." she assured him. "And you believe in fucking, too, right?"

"Um...I don't recommend regular indulgence in it, but yes." his face quirked further. "I don't take it as a sign of a healthy emotional bond."

"Then we're on the same page." Though she knew by the look on his face he wasn't sure exactly what said page entailed.

"You certainly don't mince words."

"Might as well just say what you mean. Saves time." she dismissed. "But...Yun and I, we have...had a good relationship. It was loving, healthy like you said. We respected each other...there was trust."

"As do my wife and I." Caius nodded, finally feeling like he was back on track.

"It's been that way for four years, it's been _good_. Not _perfect_, but good." They had solid communication -as solid as Claire could have with anyone, there was compassion, there was fun at times. But then...somehow she had lost sight of all that. Damn near threw it away. "In the last couple weeks, before I came to stay with dad, it was bad. I look back now...I almost don't recognize myself. I was scared." Claire had begun to wring her hands together, eyes averted from the doctor's, the tissue tearing with the heavy grind of her palms.

"Of what?"

"At school, a girl came up to me at lunch. I'd never seen her before, but she knew me. She knew who I was." she shook her head, still shocked at the thought perhaps. "She asked to interview me."

"What did you say?"

"I told her no, but she wouldn't take that for an answer. I ran from her. Didn't even finish my food. I hid in the bathroom"

"Did you have some sort of episode?"

"Yeah. Anxiety or something like that. But I had gotten somewhat used to that, I was just worried about someone finding me." she left out the part about kicking in the stall divider. It wasn't all that important, right? "After a few minutes I was okay, I went on to class. By the time I was headed home, I just...you know..._wanted her_."

Caius nodded, understanding as his arms crossed his broad chest.

"I didn't understand why at the time, but I didn't care. I knew what I wanted, that was the important thing."

"And you understand it now?"

"Yeah, I think so." she nodded, face creasing in a grimace, her hands wringing tighter together. "It was all about control. I felt like I was losing it, that my life was out of my hands. I was...so _scared_."

"You latched onto the only thing you had any sway over. You might have to move at a moment's notice, and strangers could be knocking your door down any minute, but you had someone who loved you. Someone that would let you have power over them."

"Yes." the admittance scraped through a tight jaw. Tears started surfacing again, alongside the piercing revulsion. She tucked her legs up into the chair, holding them to her chest with one curled arm, her head now resting in her free hand.

"You're saying you assaulted her?"

Claire couldn't speak, her face hidden, so she only nodded.

"Did you force her to have sex, or did you physically injure her?"

She took a gasping breath, having swallowed a sob. "I didn't have to force her...half the reason I hate myself for it. _She trusted me_!" and she thrust a punctuating fist to her chest in account for every word. Then she repeated, "I didn't have to force her. In fact she liked it when I tied her up. She _liked_ it," more disgust was seeping through, "she never thought for a _second_ I would hurt her."

Yun had been comfortable with it, the forcefulness Claire had put to her. Her protests had been minimal even when she forced the business end of the strap-on inside of her before she was really ready. She still had that telling smirk curling her swollen lips through a wince as Claire pulled her hair or grabbed her arms too tightly. Or curled her fingers tight enough into the supple flesh of her ass that her nails drew blood. And the harsh treatment was far from barring an orgasm.

But she had asked Claire to stop. When it became too much for her, when Claire _bit_ her,she had almost begged. But Claire had ignored it.

The memory was tainted, Claire decided as she looked back on it. It was making her sick to her stomach. That's not what it should have been. It was the exact opposite. There was no love in what she did. It was _fucking_, and it was filthy.

"Do you need a moment?" Caius probed gently.

"No, no, I'm okay, I just...I haven't taken time to really process this yet. I've been ignoring it."

"That's understandable." he nodded. "Have you apologize to Yun for this, by chance?"

"I did...but I don't feel like it was good enough." she swallowed, still panting for air. "Could I have some water?"

"Sure, just a minute." he would disappear from the office for less than his suggested time, passing a plastic bottle to her. She took it with quiet thanks and a nod, screwing off the cap after digging in her pocket for something. "What's that?"

"Valium. Did I pronounce that right?" She put the pill in her mouth and drank it down when he nodded.

"It's good you're recognizing when you need it."

"My dad's been a lot of help. He knows all about this kind of stuff." she took a cleansing breath, the edge coming off already. "Sorry if I got too intense there."

"It's fine. Getting these things out in the open is important. Talking about our feelings can help lessen the power they have on us."

"Good to know."

"So tell me about the second incident."

She nodded, relenting. "It was the night I...ran away to my dad's. I say it like that because, well...calling it what it is. I ran away, I didn't want to face it."

"How did this differ from what we were discussing before?"

"Because I actually lost my temper. I attacked her." she said plainly. "I was at my breaking point, though I didn't know it then...she was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Said the wrong things."

"What did she say?"

"Everyone was trying to help me before I was ready...before I admitted I needed it. I knew it, I could tell somehow and that just made things worse. I thought I just wanted everyone to be honest with me, but I didn't like it when I got just that. Yun pushed...and I pushed back. She called me a victim. I snapped."

"Why does that word bother you?"

"Because it isn't true."

His brows quirked again, surprise on his face. "How so?"

Claire sighed, looking frustrated though noticeably more calm. She shifted in her chair, letting her feet back on the floor so Terminus could reclaim his previous spot. "It was just before we moved, in fact I think this incident was the main reason we had to. The press were waiting for me after school... Kain University. I had to have Yun come and pick me up, I wasn't going to risk taking my bike through that many people. Like they all just crawled out of the sewer."

Caius nodded. He had actually seen that news break on television when it aired live nearly a year or so ago.

"I was trying to get to the car...Yun was trying to get to me...they were trying to shove cameras and microphones in my face...it was one of the worst moments of my life. Everyone knows your dirty secret and they want to tell the whole world whether you want them to or not."

"Unfortunate, but true."

"I know." a sadness darkened her face. "But...before Yun could make them stop -she flashed her badge and they all but scattered- one of them asked me," her brow knitted, "how it felt to get away with murder."

Dr. Ballad felt his heart sink right into his slacks. He was well aware of the press' severe lack of compassion and consideration. It was par for the course, how they earned a living. But still he found himself shocked by such a heartless question.

"At first it didn't really bother me. I shrugged it off for a few days, almost forgot about it. But then it just...it crept back into my mind and just..._grew_. It made me realize I was just like Cid, if not worse. I wasn't his victim, I was a criminal too. And I should be in prison right next to him."

"But you're not."

"Vanille -that's Yun's little sister- has a fiance` who's a lawyer, and I asked him about it once the idea really sank in. He said as public as the case had become, what details had been released by the state, no court in its right mind would spend the kind of money it would take to try me without a better chance at winning. Finding an impartial jury would have been impossible."

"They thought the public would be too sympathetic?"

"I guess. Still...I'm guilty."

"The law won't punish you, but you still feel you deserve it?"

"I do. And why shouldn't I?" she had killed people, violently and without a second thought. She did the math once of how many it could have possibly been. It was in the hundreds. "People need to own up to their crimes, don't they?"

"That doesn't mean they have to go to prison to do so. Cid Raines will do his time, no less than twenty years. That's his punishment. But you will have to live with the consequences of his actions for your _entire life_. Ten, twenty, even fifty years from now, you will still have these memories. You will never truly serve your time. But by coming here you're accepting your behavior is wrong -even harmful- and are taking steps to see that it isn't repeated. That is the heart of the penal system; rehabilitation. While it most often fails, it is _not_ failing here. And if I may be so bold as to say, it sounds as though your home has been your prison cell for quite some time."

Claire's face stretched, balking at the idea.

"And may I assume this event marks the beginning of your decline? It was after this that the sleep disturbances increased, the mood swings too?"

Her jaw worked, though no words emerged at first. She took a moment for her thoughts to come back together. "I guess it does." after a little further thought, she nodded. "Yeah. I think you're right."

Caius couldn't hold back a sort of satisfied smile. Finally, ground zero had revealed itself. Now he felt confident that he had the tools he needed. He thought about it only a moment longer, realizing he had a lot of homework to do now.

"I hope you won't mind if I end the session a little early, Ms. Farron. Would that be acceptable?"  
>"I suppose so."<p>

"Could I gave you a little assignment to make up for it?"

"What do I need to do?"

"I'll schedule your next session for next Wednesday, this will give me plenty of time to get things together so we can begin to actively work on managing your triggers. I would like for you to take this time to reflect on all the things we've talked about, to make whatever progress you can -which we'll discuss when you come back. Also,"

Claire stopped mid-straightening from the chair.

"I think it would do you some good to make an effort to contact Ms. Oerba. Apologize in a way that better satisfies you, be it in person or over the phone."

"I understand." she nodded, fully straightening. "Thank you doctor, I'll do my best."

"And feel free to call me if you _do_ need me between now and then. I'll make time for you."

Again she thanked him before leaving his office.

Claire slipped off to her room upon returning home, needing to be alone with her thoughts before it came time to prep dinner. She assured her dad everything was all right, and just needed some time to herself. It was so much easier to process these things, after all, when someone wasn't right next to her like in the car. She closed the door and pushed up the only window in the room to let in the cooling afternoon air, a slight breeze carrying it in with a hint of seawater scent.

She would eventually settle at her canvas with a charcoal pencil, pushing through an itch to sketch and make some sort of progress with her senior assignment. She had a much better idea now what to do, the hard part was getting it down. It consumed the entirety of her attention, allowing her to separate herself from everything for the better part of two hours. It let her decompress from the session as well as be productive in some way. To be completely honest, she wasn't in a hurry to do Dr. Ballad's homework. There would be time for it tomorrow.

But once she put the charcoal down and shuffled into the kitchen, scenes from the day jumped right back into her previously empty head.

_He knows more than dad. He knows more than Serah, even Yun. I've told him things I've never told anyone else._

Claire was feeling vulnerable, anxious too. Part of her still wasn't sure she could trust him, just waiting to see his face on the news spouting her secrets to the world. The other part of her didn't want to be suspicious of him. But Claire knew she had to be suspicious of everyone. It was the safest way. Besides, all she had was his word as a professional, and she had been fed _that_ before.

Though none of these feelings appeared to manifest as she worked seamlessly from the counter to the stove and back again. Jack had gone to a seafood market while Claire was in therapy and picked up a couple pounds of raw, fresh shellfish for their meal tonight. Without pause she started cleaning and prepping the little critters and dropping them into a metal basket that would hang inside a pot of boiling water so they could steam. She seasoned the boiling water with onions and lemons and thought to save time and cleanup by throwing sectioned cobs of corn and red skinned potatoes in as well.

"Need any help, sweetheart?" Jack came into the kitchen quiet enough to almost surprise his daughter when he spoke.

"No, I'm fine."

"Okay. Are you all right? You seem kind of...out of it."

"I'm fine." Claire finished with the last of the shellfish before elaborating. "I had to take a pill during the session, so I'm a little, you know...low."

"Oh. Did something go wrong?"

"No." she washed her hands, wiped them on a towel, and then went for the dishes in the cabinet. "I just got a bit emotional."

Jack nodded, taking the dishes from her when she turned to face him, surprising her a little. "Otherwise, how did it go?"

She didn't answer right away, watching for a moment as he put the pair of plates on the table. "It, uh...it was kind of rough today. But I got through it. He doesn't want me to come back again until next Wednesday."

"Why so long?" Jack has moved across the room to the drawers, picking out silverware.

"I think he's planning on taking the next step, you know? He's ready to start fixing this."

"That's sounds great, honey, though I won't get your hopes up about this going away. The doctor told you first thing that-,"

"There's no cure, I know. I remember. I thought you would know what I meant."

"I do, darling, I just got ahead of myself. I apologize. So how much time before dinner's ready?"

"About a half hour."

"Okay." he nodded, setting forks and knives in their proper places. "Could I run a thought by you?"

"Um...sure?" she felt like it was a trick question.

"You know your birthday's coming up, right?"

"Oh. Yeah."

"I was thinking of having your sister and Snow over for dinner. But,"

"But what?"

"I was thinking about inviting Kah and his aunt as well. You know he's always asking how you're doing. I can tell he wants so _bad_ to be friends with you. Not that he tries to hide it, actually." and Jack smiled saying it, laughed when he saw his daughter's face. "But it's okay if you don't want them to come."

"Did you already invite them?"

"No."

"How long do I have to think it over?"

"Well, your birthday is next weekend, so you've got about a week."

"Okay." and she went back to the stove.

There wouldn't be much talk over dinner. Jack could see that she was tired, just going through her evening routine on autopilot with help from her medicine. He would keep the conversation to quick items; how much medicine she had left, had she remembered to take them that morning, things of that nature. When he was finished he thanked her for the meal and did his best to convince her to let him clean up. She didn't relent, but allowed him to help her do it. From there the two parted with a kiss on the cheek, Jack to his recliner to watch the news and maybe a documentary, and Claire back to her room to attempt more progress on her painting.

Claire woke the following morning with only mild confusion at the smell of something cooking. Usually she prepared breakfast, especially if it was her dad's day off, but sure enough, when she emerged from her morning ritual to enter the kitchen there he was at the stove stirring something in a skillet.

"Just thought I'd do you a favor, honey." he said.

The table was already set, a pitcher of milk and glasses set out as well. Utensils too. Claire just thanked him, having the distinct sensation of not knowing what to do with her hands as she sat down.

"What's the occasion?" She asked when Jack sat in front of her, shoveling some sausage links and fried eggs on her plate.

"Like I said, just wanted to."

Not that she was complaining, just that it seemed so out of nowhere.

"And,"

Thought so.

"There's something I want to show you. I don't know how you'll take it, so I thought...you know, I could try to soften the blow."

"With food?"

"Well...yeah."

For a moment she just gave him this unreadable look. He was almost worried until she nodded. "That's fair." she said after swallowing. "What is it you want to show me?"

"Some stuff I've been hanging onto for a while. I've been meaning to give it to you sooner, but it just didn't seem the right time. Especially recently with the doctors and all that. I guess I was just waiting until you were more...together. And I don't mean that in a bad way."

"No, I understand."

"I mean, I know I don't have much of a right to keep things from you that _belong_ to you, but,"

"Dad, it's okay. I get it. It's fine." she shook her head.

Jack was quiet for a moment, eyes darting between his plate and his daughter. "You're not mad?"

"No. I trust you." she assured him. "Now eat, your food's getting cold."

All he could do was smile.

Claire would feel the trepidation building as the meal was finished and its remnants washed away. She could only imagine what was on her father's mind, and that stood to make her a little uneasy. Doubly so after mentioning "Serah doesn't even know I have some of these things". She would follow her father to his bedroom, a space she had never before entered.

It was a room catered for naps and night time respite and little else. A few family photos on the nightstand, a lamp, and a bed just big enough for two people if they felt like getting friendly. A single chest of drawers was propped against the wall and a long wooden chest lounged at the foot of the bed where the two would sit.

"This is your mom's hope chest." Jack put his hand on the lid of the long cedar box.

"A what?"

"People have a tendency to keep things, sentimental things. Kind of a funny tradition if you ask me, my mom never had one. But Rachel got hers from _her_ mother, and so on. This thing could easily be a hundred years old.

Claire's brow raised, impressed. "What's in it?"

"Your mom didn't really start putting things in it until after her mom died." Jack reached down and pulled the lid up, the old brass hinges creaking. All of the mementos inside were well organized, neatly stacked in columns of albums and newspapers beneath small drawers full of trinkets and small baubles. "Here's some of your grandmother's jewelry...yours and Serah's baby shoes," a smile pulled at his mouth as he went over some of the objects with his hands which eventually settled on a thick leather album. "You want to look at some pictures?"

"Sure."

Jack unfolded the book on his lap, pages falling open where they may.

"Is that you?" Claire pointed to the slightly large than wallet sized portrait of a young man in a pressed white uniform.

"Yeah. I had just graduated from the naval academy and was about to be deployed on my first tour."

"You haven't changed." She said after looking back and forth from the picture to him.

"Not really, no. There's your Uncle Matt." and he pointed. "I've been trying to get back in touch with him, maybe he'll come to your graduation."

"I don't see the resemblance."

"That's because he's your mother's brother. You're grandfather had some of the reddest hair I had ever seen in my life. Matt and I kind of fell out after Rachel died."

"Did he blame you?"

"No...at least I don't think so. I guess we just lost a reason to keep talking. We served together, but war stories get old after a while. I don't know." he just shook his head and turned the page.

"Is mom in here?"

"Yeah, let me see," he pushed passed a few more pages, pausing only once to remember. "Here. Our first date."

It looked like a rather fancy restaurant, a balcony with lanterns and spirals of ivy along the rails. Candles on the tables next to wine glasses. Jack was in the same white uniform as the previous photo, and Rachel wore a white dress, thin straps on her shoulders. Her hair was partially restrained in a half tail and full of almost immaculate natural curls.

"Where is this?"

"The Sky Garden Cafe here in Bodhum. I think your uncle set us up out of pity for me."

"What? Why?"

"It was all in fun." Jack grinned. "I wasn't much in the market for a girlfriend until after I was out of the navy, but that didn't seem to suit Matt that well. He could be awful pushy."

"Doesn't sound like it bothered you too much."

"Well no, that's true." he nodded. "In any case, I must have impressed her because she wrote me every month after that until my contract ended. And she was at the harbor offering to take me home."

Claire was listening though her eyes were dwelling on the picture, taking in her mother's face, her easy and warming smile. "What did she do for a living?"

"Rachel was an assistant at a local preschool until you were born. I made enough as a pharmacist to support us all, so she decided to be a stay-at-home mom for a while. By the time she felt comfortable enough with going back to work, she was pregnant with Serah."

"That long?" it was a fair question. After all, Claire didn't know all the ups and downs of motherhood, the pressures and precarious decisions it entailed.

"Yeah, you were three, so taking care of you alone wouldn't have been so difficult for me. At least that's what she said. You were a breeze to care for, so I didn't think much of it. Besides, she wanted to be there for all the big stuff; you learning how to walk and talk and all that. I didn't blame her."

Claire reached towards him, pinching the page's edge between her thumb and finger to pull it across and reveal the next set of photos. Jack waited quietly as she repeated the action time and again slowly, waiting to speak until she bade him to with a question. He thought to just let her take it in.

"Are there more of these?"

"Yeah. You're mom and me put together one for both you and Serah, all your baby pictures."

"Could I have them...for a little while?"

"Sure, honey. Here," he passed the open album to her in order reach down into the hope chest and reveal three more. "The wedding album is in here too."

Claire nodded. "Is that what you wanted to show me?"

"Well," Jack took a breath, swallowed, his eyes still directed downward. "No. There's something else."

She watched her father reach down again, taking the edges of one of the smaller compartments and pulling it aside, sliding it like a drawer. Beneath it was another, a much deeper one. From it emerged a small plush toy, a green skinned, fish-tailed creature with golden eyes and wearing a mud colored, hooded robe. He handed it to his eldest daughter, holding his breath as well for a moment. His heart was pounding behind his ribs.

"Do you remember him?" he asked when he couldn't stand the silence anymore.

Claire took the toy in both hands, fingers pressing into the pliable thing. Her brow knitted as she looked it over, turning it this way and that. In spite of such close inspection, she would only shake her head.

"You named him Don Ton and took him everywhere you went, though that changed after you turned...five I think. You were okay with letting him stay in your room, but you couldn't sleep without him."

Her brow creased, mind struggling to remember but drawing a frustrating blank.

"We found him in your sister's bed the night you disappeared. Maybe you put him in with her?"

"I..." the words wouldn't form, her thoughts still striving, "I don't know."

Jack watched Claire's features tighten and morph, anxious. "You really don't remember what happened that night, do you?"

"No. I'm sorry."

"Don't be," he shrugged after a moment, "it's okay. At this point it's mostly my own curiosity...as awful as that might sound."

"It doesn't. I feel the same way."

He just shook his head, sniffing and rubbing the back of his hand across his eyes after taking off his glasses. "But...you know what happened to your mom."

"I do. Serah told me."

"How much did she tell you?"

"Mom shot herself. We've been over this before."

"I know, but Serah never told you that she _found_ Rachel."

Claire looked up at him, expression vacant but eyes sharp and all attentive.

Jack rubbed the back of his neck with one hand, sniffing again. "Rachel was in your room...I had come back from picking Serah up from school...man, what I would give that it didn't happen that way. It should've been me...kid that young shouldn't have to see that kind of thing."

Claire felt her insides tense, though she wasn't sure why.

"And," his throat was tightening now, it was audible, "Rachel was holding Don Ton." A shimmering bead rolled down his stubble darkened face only to be swiftly wiped away on his sleeve. "She...she just couldn't live without you, honey. That's the only way I know how to say it. Her bond with you, her firstborn...I guess I just don't understand. I knew she was hurting because I was hurting too, but...I couldn't do anything about it. Gods know I tried. It just wasn't enough."

Claire swallowed the lump in her throat, her chin dipping towards her chest and her eyes falling on the doll again.

"I wanted to throw him away after that...but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Couldn't stand to look at it either...too painful I guess. So I put it in the hope chest. It was all I had left of you...your mom too, I guess."

She didn't seem to react or have a vocal response to his words, so she remained still and silent. Further unconscious inspection of the doll revealed a dark blemish on the back of the creature's head. Dull and copper colored.

"I've been doing a lot of thinking...you deserved to have this back a long time ago, but I just wanted to be sure you could handle hearing its story. You're not mad at me for keeping him, are you, sweetheart?"

She raised her head and managed to look at him again, their eyes meeting. She saw the sadness on his face and felt her heart soften, reach out to him.

"No, dad, I'm not. You did what you thought was best and I can't hold that against you. In fact...thank you...for holding on to this for me."

Though he was surprised, the emotion evident on his face, Jack just nodded in acceptance and took Claire's hand. Holding on as if he never meant to let go.

Author's Note: Hopefully I won't have too many more of these dialogue binges, as I've told most of what I need to. I've got some thinking and research to do yet, considering how Dr. Ballad is going to help Claire, so it might be a while before the next chapter comes out. I'll do my best to give you guys whatever it is you're looking for. And as usual, thanks so much for all of the support and encouragement. Here's to hoping the feels weren't too much to handle.


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